Chapter 26 #2
Luckily, since it’s still early in the morning, and on a Sunday, there’s not much traffic.
However, the fees I need to pay when I enter the city make me sick to my stomach.
There’s a reason why I don’t drive around this side much.
When I get to Mona’s building, I realize there are no parking spots available right in front of the building, which means I’d have to find something that could be blocks away, then walk back.
“Fuck,” I mutter to myself.
“Just stop here,” Mona snaps at me. “I can get out.”
I slow the car down, realizing that it would be stupid to make her walk from where I park when we are in front of her building now.
“I’ll be back as soon as I find parking,” I tell her as the car comes to a stop.
She turns in her seat and leans against the door, her eyes shooting daggers.
“Who is Julian Lewis?”
My eyes widen in shock while my jaw about hits the ground. Then, Kyle’s words come back to me. She knows. I figure that lying now would only dig me a deeper hole.
“I’m Julian Lewis.”
“You played me,” she accuses.
My first instinct is to deny it. But the hurt in her eyes makes me realize that she is right. I did play her, but I didn’t have any ill intentions in doing so.
“Kyle told me you were on the Holidates app.” I might as well start with the beginning. “And I panicked.”
Mona rolls her eyes at me. “He ended up in one of my notifications from them. I thought he might tell you about it, but I didn’t think you’d try to sabotage my life through it.”
My mouth drops open. “Sabotage your life?” I am as incredulous as I look. “I just wanted you to talk to me. I tried calling your cell phone, you had me blocked. I tried calling you at work, I ended up with your voicemail every single fucking time.”
“Because I didn’t want to talk to you,” she yells. “Wasn’t it obvious?”
“Very,” I yell back. “But I never imagined you’d block my emails, too. And you’d block me on social media. You blocked me every-fuckin’-where!”
She pokes me in the chest. “I was done with you!”
“Obviously not,” I deadpan. “Because look at us now. We’re starting over, and this time, it’ll be different.”
Mona rolls her eyes, anger and disdain clear on her features. “It’s always the same, Alex.” She drops her head into her hands. “I can’t believe I fell for this shit. I’m so stupid.”
I reach to touch her hair. “You’re not stupid at all. But you can’t deny that our bond is unbreakable.”
Her face becomes a blank mask. “You did it all just to have sex with me.” It’s not a question but rather a statement.
“It’s never been just about sex, Mona.” I look away in shame when she gives me a knowing look. “Not this time,” I admit. “But I’ve never been able to stay away from you. I know I fucked it all up before, but I finally understand why. And I want to change. I want you to be my forever.”
My mouth feels dry, and swallowing takes effort. I never in my life to date imagined that’d ever utter these words to a woman. I am scared of all the implications of my declaration as much as I am scared of her possible rejection.
“How did you come up with the name?” she asks after a few moments of complete silence.
“Julian Lewis?” She nods. “Julian is my middle name,” I admit. “Lewis is my father’s.”
She watches me carefully with no other emotion showing on her face.
“Do you realize that we’ve been seeing each other on and off for four years, and I just found out now what your middle name is?”
Her question takes me by surprise. I never thought of it, and I don’t see why it’s important now.
“Well, now you know,” I laugh nervously.
“Do you know what my middle name is?” she asks pensively.
“Jane,” I reply without considering the implications.
Her eyes widen in surprise. “How do you know it? I don’t remember us ever talking about anything this personal.”
I swallow hard and look away. “I ran a background check on you when we first met.”
The sharp intake of air tells me everything I need to know about how she feels about what I just told her.
“You ran a background check on me,” she repeats. “When?”
It’s weird; I thought she’d be angry about it, but she just sounds… passive.
“When we got together for the first time,” I say. “My father always told me to do that when I got serious with someone.”
I realize how ridiculous it all sounds the moment the words come out of my mouth. I truly am the robot Kyle accused my father of creating. I am disgusted with myself.
“Why didn’t you ever say?” I barely hear her now. “I would’ve told you everything you needed to know about me.”
She doesn’t understand that just taking her word for it would not have sufficed. That’s not how I was raised.
“I realize now that it was a mistake,” I confess to her. “Spending time with you for the last few weeks has been eye opening. I promise you that I understand all that I did wrong before, and I want to change…”
She cuts me off. “I’ve changed, too, Alex.”
I stare at her, hoping that this conversation is going in a more positive direction.
“I realize that no matter how much I told myself that you cared about me, there was always a wall there.” She lets out a heavy sigh. “It’s still there.”
“Mona…”
Her eyes fill with instant tears. “I really enjoyed our time together now, but this morning, even before finding out of your deceit…”
I wince at that. I did deceive her, there’s no excuse for it.
“I knew we were over.”
It takes me a moment to process what she just said.
“What are you saying?”
She can’t be saying what I think she just did. Not when she told me that she loved me all night long.
“Last night was goodbye,” she whispers. “For good this time.”
Panic and pure fear threaten to strangle me, cutting off all my air supply.
“Mona, no. You don’t understand. I love you.”
The words linger in between us. They cling to every fiber of my being, begging her to believe me. I never said it to her before, so she should know that I am serious.
She lets out a sad smile. “You’ll one day find someone who can understand you better than I ever could, Alex.”
“No.”
A horn startles out both. I glance into the rearview mirror only to see that I am blocking the traffic since I am double parked in front of Mona’s building. There are three cars behind me, and they are now taking turns honking the horn at me.
“Let me find parking,” I tell Mona in a rush. “I’ll be back and we can talk some more…”
Mona touches my arm, squeezing me gently. “Don’t. We both know that nothing good will come out of it.”
“Mona, please,” I beg.
“No,” she repeats.
She pops the door open and gets out of the car. Right as she is about to slam it shut, she leans back into the car.
“Don’t try to call me again,” she whispers, tears now running down her cheeks. “You’re blocked.”
The door slams against the car, leaving me shrouded in despair. The drivers behind me continue honking the horn, urging me to move. I put the car in gear and drive off, unsure of where I’m going or how I am going to get there.
I don’t understand how something so good turned into dust in such a short period of time.
How am I going to win Mona back?
Is there even a chance to?