Chapter 26 Chloe
chloe
After a quick shower, I’m running out the door, hauling ass to my criminology class. Half the students don’t bother showing up anymore, but since I’m trying to stand out in the crowd, I don’t have the luxury of skipping a day.
Sav: Guess who just walked into the Den?
Chloe: Tell.
Sav: Remember the Victorian child that wasn’t going to make it through winter?
“I was hoping this seat would be open.”
I drop my phone when Nathan slides into the chair next to mine.
His familiar scent immediately drags me back to some of my favorite memories with him, but he looks different.
His hair is still the same soft brown, cut the same length, and gelled back.
He’s wearing jeans and a fitted LCU football T-shirt like usual.
Not even a hint of a five o’clock shadow on his always clean-shaven face to throw off his look, and yet, something’s changed.
“Hey,” I say, after a moment of staring.
“I’m sorry I missed your text the other day.
I didn’t have any service.” I hear the lie come out of my mouth like it’s second nature.
I’ve been doing it for so long—telling him what he wants to hear, or making up excuses so he never feels like he’s not a priority—I guess I hadn’t even realized I was doing it.
“What text?”
My stomach drops, and I feel my face heat. “On Saturday…”
“Oh.” He shakes his head, smiling. “We won our game and went out to Rowdy’s after. I don’t remember anything from that night.”
Thankfully, the class has started to fill up, otherwise my swallow would absolutely be audible.
I’ve been agonizing over that text for the last forty-eight hours, wondering if that was my shot.
Debating if that was the one. If after all this time he finally realized, he wanted to be with me.
And because I missed it, maybe I’d lost it for good.
But then the words finally sink in. He doesn’t even remember.
Professor Soto enters, but I don’t hear a word he says.
My mind is spinning. I thought I’d loved Nathan for years.
I thought that if I held out and gave all of myself to him he would finally see it, too.
But the longer I held on, the clearer it became that I wasn’t thinking about my own feelings anymore.
I’ve been ignoring my worth and trying to earn a love that had nothing to do with me.
Now when I look over at Nathan, I realize what’s changed. And it has nothing to do with him, and everything to do with me.
“Okay, and how is the criminology class going? Have you had any conversations with Professor Soto?”
“Good.” I run my palms over the tops of my jeans, trying to occupy my hands. “Good, yeah. I’ve only talked to him twice, both times short, but I think he knows my face now.”
“Good. And your interview is…”
“Not for another two weeks.”
I look out the window, watching the amber leaves skitter along the brick walkway. The campus stretches out below, red bricks and orderly paths steady and predictable—much like the way I’ve approached my life.
“And what about your writing?”
I tear my gaze from mindlessly staring out the window back to Mrs. Lawson, who’s now looking at me with those pursed lips that always make me feel like she knows what I’m thinking.
“My writing?”
“Yes.” She picks up a pen with a gold bird perched at the end and taps it against her desk. “You mentioned once before that you dabbled in writing.”
“Yeah, one time like three years ago…”
She shrugs her shoulders, sticking her pen into the wild bun atop her head.
“I haven’t written anything in a while.”
“Chloe, have you thought about taking a creative writing class? Or maybe a—”
“No,” I interrupt her. “Sorry,” I say, running my fingers through my hair. “No. I’ve tried it, but I’m not very good at it, so I think it’s best to stick to the things I am good at.”
“You know.” She leans forward, cupping her bracelet covered hands and resting her chin on them. “Just because you don’t excel at something the first time, doesn’t mean you can’t do it. So long as you have the passion, I think it might be something worth looking into.”
I swallow, letting her words sit uncomfortably in my chest. The only thing I’ve ever really given my all to, and still failed at, is my relationship with Nathan. I’ve spent so much time avoiding risk that I don’t think I realized I’m been settling in other areas of my life too.
“Thank you, Mrs. Lawson. I’ll think about it.”
I stand, grabbing my bag, but the confidence I usually carry out of here is missing.
My phone buzzes once I’m halfway down the hall, and I stop, fishing it out before I get outside.
Maverick: My favorite conspiracy is that our phones are always listening to us. That’s the only excuse for why these suddenly started popping up on my feed.
Maverick: Cancer: You care too much, hold grudges like trophies, and will cut someone with your words if they deserve it. Lucky you're cute as hell...when you're plotting your revenge.
I cover my smile with my hand.
Chloe: Unfortunately, that’s kinda accurate.
Maverick: Fortunately, I kinda like it.