8. Ethan
Inotice the change in Violet toward me after the festival. She doesn’t respond to my texts as quickly as she did before, and when she does, her replies are shorter. I wonder if it’s my imagination until she sends me a dreaded text on Wednesday morning as I’m leaving my apartment for work.
Violet: We need to talk.
A million reasons for the text rush through my mind. Is she mad at me? Does she want to tell the truth? Has she met someone else?
That last thought makes my stomach sink.
Me:I’m heading into the store. Meet for dinner?
Violet: It would be better if you just come to my place.
I have a bad feeling all afternoon, which my mom picks up on when I break for lunch.
“Will you bring Violet over to our house for dinner this week?” she asks as I sit in the breakroom, nibbling on my sandwich. “I feel you two haven’t been coming over as much lately.”
My eyes dart up to the doorway where my mom stands in her green and white Bennet’s Hardware apron.
“What?” I ask, distracted. “Why?”
“We should start discussing wedding plans, Ethan,” Mom points out. “Heaven knows, her mother isn’t going to help out in the least.”
I grimace. “I don’t know about that,” I mumble. “Maybe we should just hold off until after the holidays.”
“Have you considered having a Christmas wedding?” she suggests, ambling toward me, a tentative smile on her face. “Violet loves Christmas.”
She doesn’t have to tell me. I know how much my best friend enjoys this time of year.
“It would be cutting it close, but we could probably put together a small affair if we start planning now,” Mom continues. My body runs cold at the suggestion. “Why are you staring at me like that, Ethan? You two have known one another forever. There’s no reason to drag out this courtship.”
“Courtship?” I groan. “Really, Mom?”
“Whatever you kids are calling it these days,” she presses, taking a seat in front of me.
“A few days ago, you were upset about this wedding,” I remind her.
“I was upset because I thought you were hiding a girlfriend from us. You know that your father and I love Violet like a daughter. Now that we know about it, we couldn’t be more thrilled. She’s the perfect woman for you.”
She watches me with her gentle hazel eyes, and I feel my chest tighten, the image of Violet in my arms on Friday night resurfacing in a torrent. It’s not the first time I’ve relived the memory of her lips, inches from mine, her eyes wide and questioning as I caught her like I have a dozen times before. But that time was different.
The urge to kiss Violet keeps overcoming me the more time I spend with her. I’m distracted by her rosebud mouth in a way I’ve never felt before. But she’s my best friend. I can’t cross that line with her, even if we’re playing this game of make-believe for my parents.
“So, what do you think about a Christmas wedding?”
My mother’s voice brings me solidly back into the staff roof, and I shake off the conflicting feelings. The sandwich I brought from home no longer has any appeal, and I push it aside, standing.
“I should get back to work,” I mutter.
“Ethan, if there’s something you’re not telling me…” Mom breathes gently. I want to blurt out the entire story, but I don’t. There’s no reason for her to know I’ve been dishonest with her and my dad. If I come clean now, it will have all been for naught. We’ll just go back to how things were before, them on my case about taking over the store I don’t want. Except now they will look at me with suspicion and distrust.
I’ve really made a mess of things, and I don’t know how to get out of this.
And I can’t help but wonder what it is Violet wants to discuss when I haven’t spent any time with her over the past three days.
Things are unraveling. I can feel it, but I don’t know how to make them right.
Violet’s caris parked in her driveway when I pull up that evening. I sit for a long moment in my car, staring up at the house with a feeling of doom in my chest. Maybe it’s because I’ve known Violet for so long that I suspect something’s off already and am not ready to face the music of whatever the conversation might be.
I may have spent all night sitting at the curb if she hadn’t stepped onto her front porch, hands on her hips to stare at me in the darkness. I can’t make out her face, but her body language tells me a lot.
Sighing, I grab my keys from the center console and exit the vehicle, heading up the walkway toward her.
“Hey,” I call cheerfully. “Get inside. It’s freezing.”
“You’ve been sitting out there for five minutes,” she replies. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
As I approach, I notice she’s not wearing the engagement ring. It’s weird how my eyes go right to her hand now when I see her, the ring looking so natural on her finger. “Where’s the ring?”
Violet ushers me inside without a word, her head down as she closes the front door of her townhouse behind me. It smells like Christmas inside, a blend of cinnamon and apple spice filling my nose as I remove my boots. I realize the scent is coming from a lit candle in the living room.
“Are you hungry?” she asks, without answering my question. My eyes narrow slightly. I had been thinking about dinner on the drive up to her place, but now my mind is racing, wondering what I’m doing here, especially when I see my grandmother’s ring sitting on the coffee table in the living room.
“No…” I say, eying her through my peripheral vision. “What’s going on?”
“Sit down.” She takes a seat in the wing chair across from the sofa and nods at me to do the same. Perching on the edge of the overstuffed couch, I sit forward, hands folded in front of me.
“Vee?”
She draws in a deep breath. “I don’t think we should keep up with this charade anymore,” she informs me bluntly. “It serves no purpose, and frankly, I don’t enjoy lying to your parents.”
I blink once and nod, a grimace forming over my mouth. “I don’t, either, but remember why we’re doing it.”
“I remember why you think we need to do it, but there’s no actual plan here, Ethan, and honestly, I think it’s causing more harm than good. The longer we go on with this, the more hurt feelings it’s going to cause… for everyone.”
Her eyes lock with mine, and I purse my lips together, again overcome with the memory of her in my arms at the Winter Wonderland Festival.
“Where is this coming from?” I ask slowly. “Nothing has changed since we started.”
“That’s exactly it. Nothing has changed. You promised to go into this with a game plan, and we didn’t. We’re just digging a deeper hole for ourselves… I wanted to come clean after the first night, but there is no end in sight.” She’s rambling, and I know her well enough to see that this has come from somewhere.
“Violet, what’s really going on?” I growl. “Tell me the truth.”
I gaze at her, waiting for her to utter the words first. But when she speaks, I get the shock of a lifetime.
“I got asked out by one of my clients,” she confesses. The wind knocks out of my lungs, and I fall back onto the couch like a deflated balloon. She catches my stunned expression and holds up a hand. “Obviously, I didn’t agree to go out with him while we’re still doing this thing, but it got me thinking that neither one of us can really move on as long as we’re pretending to be engaged… can we?”
I’ve never been a jealous person, and yet that’s the only word I can use to describe what I feel. “You want to go out with this guy?”
Violet hangs her head, her face not visible to me in the low light of the living room as she fiddles with her hands. “This isn’t about him,” she mumbles.
“What is it about, then?” I demand bitterly. “Because it sounds like that’s what this is about.”
Her head lifts, and she meets my eyes. “It’s about being honest.”
Heaviness fills the room between us, her eyes imploring me to say something. I bow my chin and nod curtly. “Yeah, you’re right.”
I stand, and she cocks her head back to look at me. “Where are you going?”
“I guess there’s not much more to discuss. You’ve decided what you want to do, and I will not stand in your way. It’s not really fair of me to do that.”
“I…” She trails off and draws in a breath. “I want us to be honest. With each other.”
Again, our eyes lock, and the words are so close to the surface. I want to tell her not to go on that date, but this is Violet, my best friend, not my real fiancée. Whatever feelings I think I’m having since we started this farce can’t be genuine… can they?
But the way she’s looking at me with those wide, sad eyes makes me question everything.
“I should go,” I mutter, turning away.
“I guess.”
I head toward the door.
“Don’t forget the ring.”
I hesitate in the foyer, swallowing. “Why don’t you hold onto it?” I suggest without turning to face her.
“Why?” she scoffs lightly. “I don’t need it now. It’s your grandmother’s ring.”
I grit my teeth again, choking back the words I desperately want to say but don’t. “Okay.”
Striding back into the living room, I scoop up the ring and slip it into my pocket, heading directly out the door.
“Ethan!”
Halfway down the driveway, I spin to face her. “What?”
“What are you going to tell your parents?” I look around the deserted street, grateful for the darkness because my cheeks are flushed and embarrassed.
“I don’t know. I’ll think of something.”
“I don’t want things to be weird between us now,” she beseeches me. For that, I have no response. What if she starts dating this guy, bringing him around? How will I feel about that? I can’t think about all that right now.
Forcing a smile I don’t feel, I turn back toward my vehicle. “We’ll be fine,” I reply. “I’ll text you later.”
But as I get into my Durango and drive away much faster than I should, I wonder if that’s true. I don’t feel fine, and I hate the way we’ve left things. Why don’t I tell her how I feel about her? Just because she’s my best friend? It might be worth the risk to our friendship if it works out. But if it doesn’t…
I don’t turn around and return to Violet’s house. Instead, I drive to my parents’ place, summoning my courage as I should have done from the start. It’s time to come clean and tell them the truth. I’ve been carrying this burden around long enough.