Chapter 42 #2
Edward nods slowly, his features twisted with regret.
“I know. We had agreed to keep the details of our divorce and her infidelity from you. It was too much to put on a kid, too complicated and messy to expect you to understand. But she lied about why I left, made herself the victim. And I…” He swallows hard.
“I didn’t fight hard enough to correct it.
I thought if I told you the truth, it would destroy your relationship with your mother.
That you’d be caught in the middle, forced to choose sides. I didn’t want to do that to you.”
“So you just let me believe you didn’t want me.”
He winces. “I thought it was better than making you hate your mother.” He drags in a breath, running a hand through his hair. “I thought I was protecting you. But I was wrong. I was so damn wrong, and I’m sorry.”
Murphy shifts on my lap, probably sensing the tension in the basement, and I resume petting him absently, my thoughts churning.
“After you moved out of your mother’s house when you turned eighteen, I tried to reach out.” Edward leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “I sent a few letters, left voicemails, hoping we could connect now that you were on your own.”
I swallow hard, remembering those attempts he made, and how angry I was when he reached out. I deleted his voicemails without listening and threw away his letters unopened. By that point, I had decided not to let him back into my life, thinking the gesture was too little, too late.
“I didn’t have any idea,” I admit, my voice rough. “About any of it.”
“I should’ve tried harder.” He lifts his head to look at me, his face wan. “Should’ve told you the truth earlier, maybe. Found a way to make you listen. But I didn’t want to make you hate your mother. Didn’t want to turn you against her, even after everything she did.”
I run a hand through my hair, my thoughts a complete mess, my chest bursting with a storm of emotions I can’t sort through.
My mother passed away three years ago from a sudden heart attack, and I mourned losing what felt like the last of my family when she died.
But now that I know the truth, my feelings about her are so much more complicated than they were five minutes ago.
I’m angry at her for lying to me, for keeping me from my father.
But she’s gone, so I can’t even confront her about it or ask her why she did it.
And I can’t believe that I missed out on so many years with my dad for no good reason. Years we could have had if I’d just known the truth, if I hadn’t been so fucking stubborn.
“I’m sorry,” I start to say, but he barely lets me get the words out.
“No.” He shakes his head firmly, his wrinkled face tight.
“I’m the one who’s sorry. I thought I was handling it the best I could in a bad situation, thought I was doing the right thing by not forcing you to choose.
But I never meant for you to feel abandoned.
Never wanted you to think I didn’t love you or want you in my life. ”
His breath catches, and he swipes a hand over his eyes.
“Maybe I should’ve tried harder to bridge the gap.
Should’ve showed up at your door and refused to leave until you heard me out.
Should’ve made sure you knew how I felt, that you mattered to me.
That losing you was the worst thing that ever happened to me. ”
Those words hit me right in the chest, burrowing into some hole in my heart that’s existed for so long that I stopped even noticing it was there.
I rub my sternum absently as if trying to press against that spot, that wound that feels as if it’s just been torn open and stitched together at the same time.
As I do, my thoughts flit to Kat. I’ve been protecting some part of myself this whole time, keeping my walls up.
I never told her how I actually feel about her, never put myself on the line, never risked being vulnerable.
I just went along with the fake relationship label even when it stopped feeling fake, because it was safer that way.
The doorbell rings upstairs, the sound echoing down into the basement, and I jump slightly. Murphy meows in protest as I shift him off my lap, his claws catching on my jeans.
My dad clears his throat, wiping his eyes again. “That’ll be Audrey.”
We go upstairs together, my father moving carefully on his crutches. Sure enough, he opens the door to reveal Audrey standing outside, holding another dish covered in foil.
“Hi, Edward,” she says warmly, then notices me. “Oh, Asher. I didn’t know you were here.” She looks at me more closely, concern crossing her face. “Are you okay? You look a bit under the weather.”
“Yeah,” I lie. “I’m fine.”
She doesn’t look convinced, but she doesn’t push. My dad invites her inside, and she chatters warmly as he leads us both toward the kitchen.
“Oh, Asher!” She turns to me, as if she’s had a thought that will cheer me up. “You’re father told me you’re dating Kat Sanders. She seems like a sweet girl, I’ve met her parents a few times. I saw her in town the other day at All About Books, talking to some pretty blonde woman.”
I freeze, every muscle in my body going tense, my heart starting to pound. “What?”
She blanches a little at the intensity of my reaction, glancing over at Edward. “Um, I…”
But I shake my head, not even waiting for an answer. I don’t need one. I know exactly which blonde woman she was talking to.
Fucking Alexis.
“I have to go,” I say curtly.
Figuring I’ll explain my weird behavior later, I’m about to head toward the door, but some impulse makes me stop and turn back. I stride quickly over to my father, pulling him into a tight hug.
He seems surprised, his body going still for a second. But then he hugs me back immediately, his arms coming around me tight, holding me like he used to when I was little.
It’s a bit awkward as we separate, but I guess it would be. It’s been decades since we’ve done that. I give him a little nod, then leave the house, pulling up an old contact on my phone as I walk toward my car.
I slide in behind the wheel, starting the engine as I press the call button.
Alexis answers on the third ring, her voice cheerful and pleased, exactly the tone that used to charm me. “Asher! I was hoping you’d call. I’ve been thinking about you so much.”
I cut her off, my voice cold. “What did you say to Kat?”
There’s a pause. A beat of silence where I can practically hear her calculating. “I’m sorry?”
“Don’t play games with me, Alexis. What did you say to her at the bookstore?”
She tries to play coy, her voice going light and innocent. “I don’t know what you mean. We had a lovely conversation the other day. Just girl talk, nothing important.”
“Cut the bullshit.” My grip on the steering wheel is so tight it hurts. “What did you say to her?”
She sighs dramatically, like I’m being unreasonable. Like I’m overreacting. “I just told her the truth, Asher. Someone had to.”
“What truth?”
“That someone like her, with her weird little freelance job and her figure, doesn’t really belong in your world.” She says it so casually, like it’s just obvious fact. “I was doing her a favor, honestly. Saving her from embarrassing herself further.”
My jaw clenches so hard I feel it in my temples, fury filling every part of me, white hot and consuming. “Oh, and you do? You belong in my world?”
“Well, obviously.” She laughs a little, like it’s funny. “I understand your lifestyle. I know how to dress for events, how to talk to sponsors and media. I know what’s expected of a player’s girlfriend. She doesn’t have a clue.”
“You think you belong anywhere near me?” I cut her off, my voice going colder than I knew it could. “With your fake smile and your fake hair and your fake everything? Lying and scheming your way up the ladder, using people for what they can give you and then throwing them away when you’re done?”
“Asher, that’s not fair. I—”
“If you think someone like you belongs anywhere near me, you’re dead fucking wrong.
” I’m gripping the steering wheel so hard my knuckles are white, my whole body shaking.
“Kat is worth a hundred of you. A thousand of you. She’s a better person without even trying than you could ever hope to be.
And if you ever say another word to her again, if you even look at her, I’ll make sure the world sees who you really are. ”
Alexis starts to talk, maybe to defend herself or maybe to threaten me back. I don’t know and I don’t care.
I hang up the phone and block her number with shaking fingers.
My mind races, a jumble of thoughts rushing by, one after the other. Everything I learned about my parents, about the lies I believed for so many years. What my father said about not letting fear keep me from fighting. The knowledge of what Alexis said to Kat, the poison she dripped into her ear.
A sense of clarity and determination fills me, growing stronger with each passing second, solidifying into something unshakable.
No wonder Kat tried to end things. Alexis hit at her most vulnerable spots, all her deepest insecurities. She was probably terrified of getting hurt.
And I almost let her go. Almost stepped away just like I did from my dad for all those years, because I was afraid of putting myself out there and being rejected. Afraid of loving someone and having them not love me back.
But I realize in a sudden, crystallizing rush that being rejected wouldn’t be the worst thing that could happen.
The worst thing would be not choosing to take the risk.