Chapter 46
BODIE
A bead of sweat formed on my upper lip. I swabbed at it with the handkerchief Lacey’s dad had given me.
I shouldn’t have been nervous. This wasn’t real.
It would all be over within the next eight to ten hours.
It was like the play I did in fifth grade.
I’d stand up on the stage, say my lines, and tomorrow I’d go back to normal life. Whatever the new normal was.
“You ready for this?” Jonah came into the room in a matching rented tux. With my dad and pops in jail, I didn’t have anyone else to ask to be my best man. At least I wouldn’t have to stand out there alone, even if it was only Jonah at my side.
“Can’t wait.” I tried to squash the anxiety blooming in my chest.
“It’s okay to be nervous, man. I puked ten minutes before Amelia walked down the aisle.” Jonah clapped me on the back.
“No shit?” For some reason that made me feel just slightly better.
Jonah shook his head. “Yeah. But then I saw her coming toward me and everything faded away. It was like it was just her and me and we were the only two people in the world.”
“That’s beautiful, man.”
“You think so?” Jonah asked.
“Sure. You should put that in a love song or something.” I cracked a grin.
“Don’t try giving me shit. I’ve seen the way you look at Lacey.”
My stomach clenched. “Oh yeah, how’s that?”
“Like she’s it for you, dude. And you’re it for her.” Jonah adjusted his bow tie, winking at himself in the mirror.
More like she’s the sun and the stars and the moon all rolled into one, I thought. But I didn’t say that. I hardly wanted to acknowledge those feelings to myself, much less let anyone else know what kind of fucked-up feelings I was having about my bride.
My bride.
I was marrying Lacey Cherish today. Even though it didn’t count, even though we were both pretending, a part of me couldn’t believe my good luck. Even though it would last only for an evening.
“Is she ready?” I asked. Jonah had gone to check on things while I sweated it out, waiting for some signal that I should make my way to the garden.
“Just about.” Jonah fidgeted with my tie. “And damn, she looks fine.”
“I’m sure she does,” I said. I didn’t need Jonah to drive the point home. Lacey would have looked fine in a potato sack. She sure as hell looked fine in nothing at all. As I remembered the last time I’d had my hands on her, my pulse ticked up.
“I mean, really fine. Like if I weren’t already married, I’d give you a run for your money for her.”
I swatted Jonah’s hands away. “Are you seriously telling me on my wedding day that you want to make a play for my almost-wife?”
“What? Nah. Just saying she looks fantastic. You’re going to be one lucky bastard later on tonight, know what I mean?”
I closed my eyes for a beat, wishing for half a second that Luke was here with me, not this messed-up stand-in. When I got married for real, I’d want Luke by my side.
“You do know what I mean, right?” Jonah flung an elbow out, catching me in the side.
“Yes,” I ground out between clenched teeth. I didn’t need to be reminded of what ought to be happening on my wedding night. If this were a real wedding. And if Lacey were a real bride. And if I’d had the balls to tell her how I really felt. So many ifs.
Jojo knocked then cracked the door open a hair. “We’re ready for you, gentlemen.”
“Showtime.” Jonah clapped me on the back, having no idea just how accurate his words were.
I moved down the hall, casting a long look at the closed door to the bridal dressing room.
What was Lacey thinking right now? Knowing her, she’d probably processed through today’s events and was already making plans for how to handle it when the article came out.
With a final glance at the door, I headed down the steps and out into the bright May afternoon.
Lacey
I straightened my veil. “Are you sure this looks okay?” I asked.
“You look absolutely stunning.” Zina stepped behind me, meeting my gaze in the mirror. “Bodie’s going to eat his heart out.”
I let my eyes drift closed, imagining what it would feel like if I were about to walk down the aisle and marry Bodie Phillips for real.
“You sure you want to do this?” Zina asked.
My eyes opened wide. “Of course. We’re in the homestretch now.”
“What about tomorrow?” Zina slid a hairpin behind my ear, capturing an errant wave.
“Tomorrow’s a whole day away.”
Zina checked her watch. “Tomorrow’s less than ten hours away. What’s going to happen tomorrow when you wake up and realize you had the chance to tell Bodie how you really feel and missed it?”
“Don’t be silly. I’m not going to mess anything up right now by telling him how I really feel.”
“So you do love him?” Zina jumped, clapping her hands together.
“Love?” I whirled around and gave my friend a teasing grin. “I’ve always loved Bodie. He’s like the extra brother I never wanted.”
“Honey, you can keep telling yourself that if you want, but I know the truth.” Zina pinched my cheeks together. “You want to marry that man and make beautiful babies together. Admit it.”
“I will not.”
“If you don’t tell him, I will.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“You wanna bet?” Zina clamped her hands on her hips. Arguing with her was pointless—I’d learned that the hard way many times over.
“Not tonight. Tonight has to be perfect. Let’s just get through the ceremony and I promise I’ll talk to him about it.”
“Tomorrow?” Zina asked.
I nodded. “Or the day after that.”
“Tomorrow or else I’m telling that man the truth.” Zina held out her hand.
“Fine.” I took Zina’s hand in mine.
“Girl, your hands are like ice cubes. You’re going to give him the chills if you don’t warm up.” Zina rubbed my hands between hers.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me today.”
“You’re in love with the man you’re about to marry.” Zina blew on our hands then rubbed even faster. “There’s nothing wrong with you.”
I pondered that for a moment. I’d never come right out and admit it to Zina, but my friend was right.
I did love Bodie. Loved him with a fierceness that scared the crap out of me.
Everyone and everything I’d ever given my heart to had left me.
I couldn’t bear to tell Bodie how I felt and have him walk away.
Losing my mom had been tragic—no one saw it coming and there’d been no way to protect myself from going through the pain.
But if I told Bodie I loved him and he didn’t say it back .
. . well, I’d be setting myself up, risking my heart, my very soul.
I wasn’t sure I could put myself through that. Definitely not today, maybe not ever.
Jojo knocked at the door. “They’re ready for you, Lacey.”
Zina squeezed my hands. “Let’s do this.”
“Okay.” I nodded. I’d get through today and play tomorrow by ear. That’s the best I could do, the most Zina could ask of me.