Chapter 22
chapter twenty-two
Mia
The sound of birds singing outside the window has me stirring from my slumber, and my eyes fly open with a smile on my face.
My body is warm and satiated, and I roll over to look at Luke and whisper good morning to him.
I frown when I see his side of the bed is empty, and I wonder if he’s in the bathroom.
I lie on my back and stare at the ceiling, smiling over the memories of last night.
We finally slept together, and it was amazing.
He’s the best lover I could ever have hoped for; it felt special, and I was going to tell him that.
I was going to tell him that it was the best thing that had ever happened to me and that, as upset as I had been at receiving Rex’s invitation, I was glad that I had.
I was glad he’d written that horrible note because if he hadn’t, this wouldn’t have happened between Luke and me, and what happened was special.
I could feel it in my bones. I could see it in his eyes that he felt the same way.
“Are you coming, Luke?” I ask, laughing. “Did you drown in there or something?”
I wait for him to respond, but I realize the room is silent—almost deathly silent. I grab the sheet, wrap it around myself, and waddle toward the bathroom. The door’s wide open, and no one is inside.
For a moment, I think maybe he’s gone to get me breakfast, but then I spy the note card on the table with my name on it. I grab it and pick it up, frowning.
Hey, Mia. Don’t wait for me for breakfast. Had to do some work, but I’ll see you later.
“What the fuck?” I throw the note card down on the table and go and sit on the edge of the bed.
I’m emotional, upset, and I feel like I want to cry.
This is not how you want to spend the morning after sleeping with your best friend for the first time. I expected him to hold me, to cuddle me, to possibly make love to me again in the morning, tell me he couldn’t wait for me to wake up—but he already went to work.
I hate the feeling of abandonment, but I have to be honest with myself. I’m disappointed. He still chose work first after I gave myself to him. I thought I’d been clear that I wanted to be his number one, that I wanted him to choose me, and he still didn’t. Was it too much to ask?
Now I’m confused. Was any of it real? Was it just physical? Was it really just sex?
He’d been upset. He’d been messing with me. We’d argued. Maybe this was his way of trying to make up for the failed lap dance the other night.
I touch my lips gently and think about the way he kissed me, the way he felt when he climaxed inside of me, and I shiver because I’ve never felt a connection like that before in my life.
I grab my phone and call Juniper because I don’t know what to do. I want to cry so badly, but I can’t. I need to be strong. I want to be strong.
“Hey, girl, you on your way to work?” She sounds chirpy, and I’m glad because I need someone happy. I need someone positive.
“Juni,” I say, my voice cracking.
“What’s wrong, Mia?”
“We slept together. We slept together, and it was amazing, but I woke up, and he wasn’t there. I don’t want to say I feel used, because I don’t, but I don’t feel loved or special, and I don’t know what to do. What does this mean?”
“Okay, Mia. Deep breaths.”
“I’m trying. I’m really trying.”
“Did you enjoy it, first and foremost?”
“It was magical, Juniper. It was, like, the best sex of my life—and not just because he’s got a really nice body and a really nice cock, and he knows exactly what he’s doing, but it just felt like my body had been made for him.
He fit in all the right spaces, and every single touch did something to my erogenous zones.
” I sigh. “Let’s just say, it was great, but maybe it wasn’t great for him.
Maybe he has sex like this with everyone. ”
“Mia, focus. Calm down.”
“I know, I’m going crazy.”
“It’s okay. Have you spoken to him?”
“He went to fucking work, Juniper. He got up while I was still sleeping, and he left, and he left me a stupid fucking note card. What are we, roommates or something? Who does that?”
“Oh, shit. I’m sorry, Mia, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that he didn’t also enjoy it. It just means maybe he had to work.”
“We had sex for the first time in our friendship. We’re best friends.
We literally are in a fake relationship, and we had sex.
We had sex, Juniper. You, more than anyone, know how much something like that means to me.
I don’t just sleep around, and he knows that.
He knows that it had to have meant something to me, and he couldn’t even be here in the hotel when I woke up. ” I’m rambling like a lunatic,
“I hate to say this, Mia, but he’s a guy, and sometimes, guys don’t really think things through. I bet you were sleeping, and he was like, Ah, she’s sleeping. I need to do some work. I’ll speak to her later.”
I take a couple of deep breaths. “I know you’re right, but it still really stings. He knows me better than that.”
“I know, girl. I know. You want me to close up the store and come over, or—”
“No, it’s okay. Thanks for offering. I think I’m going to go shower, and I’m going to cry.
Then I’m going to order myself room service, and I’m just going to move on with my life.
You know what? Lots of people have sex with their best friends.
Lots of people have one-night stands. I will be one of those people, and I’ll just forget it.
It will mean nothing. I’m not even going to bring it up to him, and I hope he doesn’t bring it up to me. ”
I pause as I hear the door opening.
“Oh, shit, he’s back. I’ll speak to you later.”
Juniper says goodbye before I hang up. I look over as he walks in. He holds a bouquet of flowers; pink, yellow, and orange petals greet me.
“Morning, sunshine,” he says, heading toward me.
His eyes narrow when he sees my face. “Why do you look so forlorn? What’s going on?
Wait, you’re not upset, are you?” He bites down on his lower lip and looks guilty.
“Please tell me I didn’t take advantage of you in your emotional state or anything like that. I would absolutely—”
“You didn’t take advantage of me, Luke. Obviously, I wanted it. We both wanted it, and it was hot.”
“So, you enjoyed yourself, right? By the way,” he says, “I know we technically should have had this conversation before I came inside of you, but—”
“I’m on the pill, Luke.” I just shake my head. “But, yeah, that is a conversation we likely should have had before you decided to orgasm inside of me. I can’t believe I just said that: You orgasmed inside of me.”
“My sperm filled you up?”
“Luke?” I say, hitting him on the shoulder.
“What?” He starts laughing. It’s true.”
“Yeah, but that sounds so—”
“So, what?” His eyes light up as he takes a seat next to me. “It sounds so sexy. It sounds like you want me to do it again right now.”
“Luke, I’m mad at you.”
“Why?”
“Because you went to work this morning. You didn’t wait for me to wake up, and I just feel you should have known that I would want to wake up with you in bed.
We’d just had sex for the first time, and that’s an enormous deal.
It would be a big deal for any two people, let alone two people who are as close as we are. ”
He sits there, not saying anything. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Mia. Did you not see my note? I left you a note on the table.”
“Yeah, you left me a note on the table. That’s so cold. That’s what one-night stands do. That’s what men whose names you don’t even know do after they sleep with you—not someone that should care about you and want to make sure you feel okay after you had sex with them.”
He hangs his head. “I fucked up again, huh?” He lets out a deep sigh, and he runs his fingers through his hair.
“I literally had to do some work, and I didn’t want to wake you up, so I left the bedroom because I was on a number of phone calls, and this is a huge deal for me.
You know this, Mia. I cannot have this project fall through.
And I thought I was being respectful of your feelings by leaving, and so I came back with flowers. ”
“Flowers don’t make up for the fact that you weren’t here when I woke up this morning. And, yeah, I get that you have a job, and it’s a big deal, but I just want to be chosen.” My voice cracks slightly.
I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable. A part of me feels like I am, but another part of me feels like I deserve that. Another part of me feels like he should have known that I would need that.
“Maybe this was a mistake,” I blurt. “Maybe we shouldn’t have slept together. Maybe we should forget this ever happened and just move on with our lives.”
“How can we do that, Mia? I was inside of you last night.” He stares at my lips. “Those lips were on my cock. My tongue was on your clit. You came on my face. I can still taste you on my lips.” His fingers brush against his lips. “That sweetness, that absolutely amazing scent of—”
“Luke, I do not want to talk about that right now.”
“Why not? It happened, and we both enjoyed it. Or are you telling me you didn’t?”
“You just don’t get it, do you?”
“Get what, Mia?”
I rip the sheet off and stand up in front of him, naked. His eyes immediately focus on my breasts, on my pussy, and the glaze over with desire. I push him back onto the bed and lean down and kiss him. He reaches up and touches me softly. There is a questioning look in his eyes, but I don’t care.
I run my fingers down his chest and to his jeans.
I undo his belt buckle and pull it off. I unzip and pull his pants down and pull his briefs off so that his cock is there, springing free.
I get on top of his lap and rub myself back and forth on him, his thick length sliding and gliding against my wet slit.
He groans as he looks up at me. He still looks surprised and shocked. I grab hold of him and position him between my legs, and I slide down, taking all of him inside of me.
“Oh fuck, that feels so good,” he groans out. “Mia.”
I ride his cock slowly at first, and he reaches up and plays with my breasts. I move back and forth gently, and then I bounce up and down. He grabs my hips and moves me faster and faster. I lean down and brush my nipples against his lips, and he sucks on them as I continue to ride him.
I feel my orgasm coming, and I scream in pleasure as I come on top of him.
He groans a few times, and then he bounces me up and down faster and faster until he is exploding inside of me.
I collapse down on him and then kiss his lips.
I grab his face and kiss him slowly. I want to remember this moment.
I gaze into his eyes, and then I roll off him and head to the shower.
“Wait, what are you doing?” he says as he sits up. “What was that about? You were just angry at me, and then you just fucked me. Mia, you’re confusing me.”
I look back at him and just shake my head. “This is how you made me feel,” I say. “I got mine, and now I’m going to go in the shower, and then I’m going to grab breakfast and go hang out with Juniper and do some work.”
“What? Mia, we need to talk. Obviously, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t want you to feel used in any way. I like you a lot.” He stumbles over his words. “This—it means something to me.”
“Does it, Luke, or was it just sex? At the end of the day, you chose your need to take a phone call over your need to be there for me this morning, knowing that we had done something shocking in our friendship, in our relationship, and we’d crossed so many lines and boundaries.
I would’ve thought you would be there for me this morning. ”
“I’m here for you now, Mia.”
He jumps up off the bed and heads toward me.
He grabs my hand and pulls me into him, but I push away from him.
Our naked bodies are within inches of each other, and I feel like every nerve ending of mine is being activated by every nerve ending of his.
We stare at each other. I’m glaring, and he’s looking confused and annoyed and frustrated.
“So, you’re really just going to fuck me and then leave?” he says.
“Yeah. I mean, it doesn’t feel so great, does it?” I breathe.
He just shakes his head. “Really, Mia?”
He reaches out and touches the side of my face, and as much as I want to hold him to me, as much as I want to make it better, I’m still caught up in my own feelings.
I’m still caught up in my hurt, and I’m still confused by what I just did.
My body had wanted him—wantonly, passionately—and I had him, and it didn’t feel good.
That didn’t feel like making love. It felt like raw, rough sex, and I knew I was hurting inside.
I just want this to mean something more than it does, but I can’t tell him that. I know I’ve already been acting crazy, and by the look on his face, he is as confused as I feel.
“I’ll see you later, okay? The big party’s tonight, and we need to make sure we’re on for that,” I say. “I think we both want to make sure of that.”
“Okay, so you’ll be back later, or—”
“Yeah, I’ll be back by this afternoon so we can get ready.”
“And we’re not going to talk about any of this?” he asks.
“There’s nothing else that we have to say right now, Luke.”
“I think there’s plenty more that we have to say, Mia.
” He sounds angry. “But I’m going to respect your wishes, and I’m going to let it go for now because I know this has been a lot.
But honestly, Mia, it’s not just been a lot for you.
It’s been a lot for me too. And it’s not just your friendship with me that has been affected by us sleeping together.
It’s also my friendship with you, and I think we’re both trying to figure out how to navigate this space.
” He leans forward and softly kisses me.
“Just don’t lock me out, okay? I may be the only one in this world that truly understands what you’re going through right now because maybe I’m going through it as well. ”
“Maybe,” I say, nodding.
But I don’t think he is. If he knew how desperately and deeply in love with him I am, I don’t know if he’d be able to live with himself.
I know if he knew how deeply I had fallen for him, he’d feel absolute guilt—because Luke didn’t feel that way about me.
The only thing he truly loves more than anything else is work and focusing on being the best that he can be, and I know that.
I’ve known that for a long time. It doesn’t make him a horrible person; it just means that it is his priority.
I know he loves me as a best friend. I know he will always be there for me, but I also know that I don’t come first. If I did, he would’ve seen me in the last five years.
He would’ve begged for me to come to New York, but he didn’t.
He hasn’t, and I have to accept that fact, no matter how much it hurts me.