Chapter 20 #3
“Having someone who cares enough to try. Somebody who wants to make me feel good, even if it takes practice.”
The tension left his shoulders. “I want that.”
I kissed his cheek. “And that’s why you’re perfect, teeth grazes and all. But I’ll happily volunteer for all your practice sessions.”
“You’re such a giver,” he said dryly.
“I’m a philanthropist at heart.” I pulled him closer, reveling in the way he fit against me. “Seriously though, thank you for trying. It means a lot.”
“Next time will be better.”
I loved the promise in those words. Still chuckling at his adorably frustrated expression, I pulled him into my arms. “Please don’t be so hard on yourself. First times are always awful.”
“There’s no way yours could have been worse than what I just did.” Ryker dragged his hands down his face. “I’m pretty sure I committed a war crime against your dick.”
“Oh, you sweet summer child,” I crowed with a laugh. “Trust me, I’ve got stories for days that are so bad, you’ll wonder why I ever wanted another one.”
Ryker gave me a skeptical look, his gray eyes narrowed in disbelief. “Yeah, right. Mr. Sex God has embarrassing blow job stories? I don’t buy it.”
“Sex God, huh? I love that title.” I winked at him before continuing. “But seriously, my first time trying to give a blow job was so disastrous, I didn’t get to do it.”
“What do you mean you didn’t get to?” His curiosity dampened his embarrassment. “How does that even happen?”
I moved positions so we could settle back against the headboard with him nestled at my side. “Well, I sexily sauntered up to my first high school boyfriend, Talon, who was sitting on the couch—”
“Talon?” Ryker interrupted with an incredulous laugh. “His name was seriously Talon?”
“His real name was Benny,” I admitted with a grin, “but he was in his goth phase. Black nail polish, eyeliner, the spiked choker collar necklace.”
“Huh, I can’t picture you with a goth.”
I shrugged, remembering my teenage years with a mixture of fondness and embarrassment. “I’m a sucker for dramatic eyeliner. Anyway, I dropped to my knees in front of Talon…” I paused for effect. “Right onto his foot. Hard.”
Ryker winced. “Ouch.”
“Oh, it gets better. Of course, Talon cries out and jerks his leg in pain, kneeing me in the face.” It had been years, but I still remember the sharp crack of agony.
“There I am, sprawled on the floor, clutching my face, while he’s trying to comfort me, but also holding his injured foot.
Needless to say, it was a total mood killer.
Then I had the added fun of having to explain my black eye for the next week. ”
Ryker winced sympathetically, but a smile tugged at his mouth. “At least I didn’t break your foot. That’s something, I guess.” He nudged my shoulder. “What happened the first time you succeeded in giving a blow job?”
I let out a dramatic sigh, shaking my head ruefully. “Oh, it was bad. Angry dragon bad.”
Ryker’s eyebrows shot up in confusion. “What the fuck does ‘angry dragon bad’ mean?”
“Well, Talon didn’t think to warn me he was coming, so the sudden taste of his release made me gag, which caused his cum to shoot out of my nose like an angry fire-breathing dragon.”
Ryker tried to hold in his laughter, his face turning red with the effort, but he couldn’t contain it. He burst out laughing, gasping between breaths. “That’s fucking awful!”
“Oh, it gets worse,” I assured him, enjoying his eyes widening in horrified anticipation. “I sniffled out of habit, and it went back into my nose again.”
That did it. Ryker doubled over, laughing so hard he had to wipe away tears from his eyes. “Holy shit, you poor thing,” he managed to get out between gasps for air.
I grinned, enjoying the way his face lit up when he laughed. The sound was infectious, and soon I joined him, remembering the mortifying experience with the benefit of years of distance. “I swear, I blew out a two-inch string of snotty cum.”
“That’s so nasty!” Ryker howled. “Tell me you dumped him after that.”
“No, but I made him promise to give me a five-second warning in the future,” I replied, wiping a tear from my eye. “Which, by the way, he still messed up. The second time, he counted down from five to ‘Oops, sorry,’ in half a millisecond, so that was useless.”
Ryker shook his head in disbelief. “And yet you kept trying. That’s dedication.”
“What can I say? I’m a man committed to perfecting my craft.” I winked at him. “But seriously, everyone has horror stories. The point is, you learn from them and get better.”
“I guess,” he admitted, his laughter subsiding. “But I still feel bad about the teeth thing.”
“You can take comfort in knowing you at least didn’t make me sneeze cum.”
That set him off again. It felt good to laugh with him and share something so intimate and ridiculous at the same time. His eyes crinkled at the corners as his cheeks flushed with mirth instead of embarrassment. It was a beautiful sight I’d gladly make a fool of myself to see.
“I love hearing you laugh,” I admitted, reaching out to brush a strand of dark hair from his forehead. “You’re so caught up in your head sometimes, worrying about doing everything perfectly. It’s nice to see you let go.”
“Congratulations on your sex disasters being an effective way of making me feel better about mine,” he said, still grinning. “Though I’m wondering if you’re making these up to spare my ego.”
I placed a hand over my heart in mock offense. “I would never! These are all genuine sexual catastrophes, I’ll have you know.”
“Oh, no,” Ryker said, settling more comfortably against me, his eyes bright with anticipation. “What else happened? There must be more.”
“Of course, there’s always more,” I assured him with a dramatic sigh. “Talon was vegan.”
“What does that have to do with blow jobs?”
“He refused to call it a blow job because he said it sounded too aggressive,” I explained, watching his face for a reaction. “Instead, he preferred to refer to it as ‘tickle my pickle.’”
Ryker snorted so hard I thought he might hurt himself. “He did not!”
“Hand to God,” I swore, raising my palm. “Every single time. ‘Hey, babe, want me to tickle your pickle?’ It was his idea of dirty talk.”
“That’s terrible,” Ryker said, his shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter. “Please tell me there’s more.”
“Talon had a big lunch earlier, some kind of vegan Buddha bowl overflowing with quinoa, chickpeas, and a forest of raw broccoli,” I continued, watching Ryker’s expression shift from amusement to dawning horror. “He’s doing his best to swallow me whole, when suddenly he gags and throws up.”
“Stop,” he begged with a grimace, though he was still laughing. “That’s disgusting.”
“It gets worse,” I warned him. “He was so embarrassed that he tried to hide what happened by quickly sucking it all back in before I realized what was going on.”
Ryker retched, his whole body shaking with laughter as he covered his mouth. “That is the most revolting thing I’ve ever heard!”
“You know the little green sprouts on top of broccoli?” I asked, gesturing with my fingers to illustrate. “The ones that look like little green balls? I had a bunch of that caught up in my pubes. It was like he gave me vegan vegetable crabs.”
Tears streamed down his face as he alternated between gagging and peals of laughter. “That’s so gross!”
“Oh, I’m not done. After all that, he finished me like a champ. But then the real kicker is that without any warning, that asshole fed me my own cum like I was a baby bird.”
“What?” Ryker wheezed, looking both horrified and fascinated. “What do you mean?”
“He literally fed it to me through a kiss,” I explained, grimacing at the memory. “He thought it was hot, but I was completely horrified and coughed it out, right onto his face.”
Ryker was gasping for air now, clutching his stomach as he laughed harder than I’d ever seen him laugh before. “How does it keep getting worse? Every time I think you’ve hit rock bottom, you somehow find a new level of awful!”
I grinned, enjoying his reaction far too much. “Which hopefully illustrates my point that nobody starts as an expert. That’s why I’m turned on by you even trying.”
Ryker’s laughter subsided enough for him to glance down at my lap, where the evidence of my arousal was still very much present. “How can you be hard after that heinous story?”
“I’m enjoying being with you,” I corrected him. “The rest is details we’ll figure out together.”
His expression grew thoughtful as he caught his breath. “Is it inappropriate to ask why you and Talon broke up?”
“After all those horror stories?” I shook my head ruefully. “Not weird at all. Morbid curiosity is perfectly natural.”
“I’m guessing there’s more to the story.”
I sighed dramatically. “We called it quits after my first time deep-throating him.”
Ryker’s eyes widened. “I don’t know which is worse: that you didn’t dump him after the broccoli baby bird cum dump incident, or that something even more horrible happened that finally made you break up.”
“I was a little overenthusiastic in my first attempt,” I explained. “The next day, my throat was killing me. When I looked in the mirror, my tonsils were covered in white spots.”
“Oh, shit,” Ryker winced.
“Yeah, I thought for sure he’d given me an STI or strep or something,” I continued. “Turns out, scabs caused by friction look white on tonsils, as opposed to the red or brown ones that form on the external tissues of your skin.”
Ryker grimaced. “I feel like I could have gone my whole life without knowing that.”
“When I confronted him, asking if he’d cheated and given me an STI, he said yes to cheating, no to the STI.” I tried to keep my tone light, but some of the old hurt must have crept in because Ryker’s expression softened.
“Shit, that’s awful. I’m sorry he cheated on you,” he said, his amusement fading. He hesitated before asking, “Is that why you’ve always been so anti-boyfriend as long as I’ve known you?”