16. Emma
16
Emma
Okay . Yes. I’m jealous. There. I said it.
I know it’s ridiculous, and I shouldn’t be, but I am. Apart from the fact that this Megan woman is absolutely stunningly gorgeous, I now know that she was the serious relationship Ryan was talking about when we went on that weird weekend away.
Ryan seemed to be oblivious to his ex’s motives last night, but I can see her agenda from a mile off. Maybe it’s a female thing. Not that I would ever dream of doing what she’s doing, but women just know, right?
When I get into the office, Sharon gives me a worried look.
“You okay?”
“Sure.” I pin on a smile. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
My friend pulls a face that blatantly tells me that I’m not fooling anyone. “Oh, come on, Emma. You went from ten to zero last night in a matter of five minutes.”
“Yes, well. The arrival of a certain person kinda irked me.”
While I put my coat and bag away, Sharon leans forward in her chair.
“I did some digging last night. I knew Ryan was in a relationship a while back, but I couldn’t remember the details. Apparently, Megan used his money and connections to start up her own beauty brands. No one had even heard of her before she was with Ryan, but after that, her business flourished.”
“Uh-huh,” I say, trying to sound like I don’t care.
“And then she dumped him for one of his teammates.”
“What?” I spin around.
Now she has my attention. Ryan didn’t mention that in his story.
“It’s true,” Sharon says, nodding like one of those wobbly-headed things people stick on their dash. “There were rumors that she cheated on him, but they were never confirmed. But yes. Basically, she used him.”
It was just like Ryan said. Not that I disbelieved him at the time. I suppose, if I’m honest, I didn’t really think much about it. But then, Megan Whitmore wasn’t on my radar back then.
When Ryan comes in for his appointment later, I’m still trying to figure out how I feel. Sure, there is a big part of me that understands she did him dirty, so why would he want anything more to do with her? But then, there’s this other niggling part that I just can’t extinguish.
Usually, there’s a little bit of light banter in our sessions, but today, I’m more reserved than usual. Not mean, just a little detached. I know he’s noticed because he’s been trying too hard to make me laugh. But the harder he tries, the more I’ve gone into myself.
“Are we okay?” he asks when the session is over.
“Sure,” I say.
It isn’t a lie. But somehow, it doesn’t feel like the truth, either.
“I’m really sorry that last night was ruined,” he says.
I shrug. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“And yet, somehow, I feel like it was.”
That feels like a dig, like he’s calling me out on how I’m acting, and I feel myself getting annoyed at his remark.
“Well, we have splashed our lives all over the internet,” I say a little too caustically. “She was bound to find you sooner or later.”
“Emma,” Ryan says, his tone sickeningly apologetic.
“It’s fine,” I say quickly. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
And with that, I walk over to the door and hold it open for him.
He walks toward it and pauses for the slightest second, as though he might speak again, but heaving a sigh, he nods and carries on going without another word.
But if I thought Megan’s arrival at the bar was bad, I was in for a rude awakening. Nothing could have prepared me for the next couple of days, and I very quickly develop a newfound gratitude for the people of Maple Springs.
The first rumor trickles through Jimmy when I go for our usual take-out lunch.
“Don’t worry, Emma, we’ve got your back,” he says to me when he hands over the wrapped packages.
I frown at him, wondering what on Earth he’s talking about.
He then looks worried. “You haven’t heard?”
Shrugging, I say, “Heard what?”
Jimmy then hesitates, clearly doubting whether he should continue or not.
“Tell me?” I press.
“That ex of Ryan’s has been trying to cause trouble. She’s been going around town dropping snarky little remarks about you and Ryan, but Ryan mostly.”
Even though I knew her arrival was going to bring nothing good, I am still astonished.
“What has she said?”
Again, Jimmy looks reticent.
“If I don’t hear it from you, I’m going to hear it from someone else, Jimmy,” I point out.
“Fine.”
I then learn that Megan has tried to tell anyone who would listen that it was actually Ryan who had cheated on her, and that he was going to do exactly the same to me as he had done to her. And so, if they cared for me at all, they would warn me and get me to end the relationship we have.
As it happens, everyone I speak to in our little town over the following days all has the same or similar reactions.
“That woman is nothing but trouble,” Mrs. Thompson says when I meet her in the grocery store.
Mrs. Thompson is considered a national treasure in our little town, and I can’t remember the last time I heard a bad word fall from her lips, but she has nothing good to say about Megan Whitmore.
“She came in pretending she wanted coffee, but I had her number the minute she started speaking about you and Ryan,” the older lady says, nodding knowingly as we stand in the cereal aisle. “As if Ryan would ever run off with another woman. What does she take me for? A fool? Well, I told her the likes of her were not welcome here, and that she could take her stories elsewhere.”
“Good for you, Mrs. Thompson.” I smile warmly at her and then thank her.
I hear similar stories from other townsfolk Megan tried to speak to: Mr. Calder at the gas station, Jenny at the bakery, and of course, Jimmy.
“She tried to stir the pot, Emma. We all knew what she was trying to do,” he says. “But don’t you worry. We’ll always have your back.”
Clearly, Ryan and I have put on such a great show that everyone in Maple Springs is more invested in our future than we are. Everyone, in one way or another, has told Megan to take her stories back to wherever she came from. I’ll admit, it does make me feel guilty, given the fact that we are lying to everybody.
“She’s gone,” Ryan says a few days later when he arrives at the clinic.
“Who?” I say, pretending I don’t know who he’s talking about.
“Megan,” he says, looking at me like I can’t possibly be that unaware.
“Oh,” I say, pretending like I don’t care.
“Aren’t you happy to hear that?”
“Sure.” I shrug. “I suppose.”
But the truth is, Megan’s arrival and swift departure have left me a bit shaken. It’s bad enough that I don’t really know what’s going on in my heart. Well, okay, that’s not true. I know exactly what’s going on in my heart. It’s my head I’m struggling with. Surely, how I reacted to her being here should have told me enough, right?
And yet, I’m still scared of admitting the truth to myself, or to Ryan, for that matter. I just can’t face that depth of humiliation again. Yes, those scars are still there, and yes, perhaps I’m holding on to them a little too much. But pain is pain, and anyone who’s put their hand on a hot stove doesn’t run back and do it again in any hurry.
Tonight, we’re going to a dinner party and charity function. We have to keep showing up in public to keep the hounds happy, or so Ryan keeps saying. But even though I’m wearing a beautiful gown and my hair is pinned up intricately, and yes, I will admit that I look pretty good, the outside does not reflect the inside because I still can’t shift this fear.
When I open my front door to Ryan’s loud knocking, his eyes widen as he looks me up and down.
“Holy cow,” he breathes.
I smile nervously and feel my cheeks go red at his reaction.
“You look amazing,” he continues.
“You don’t look too bad yourself,” I reply.
And I’m not flattering him, either. He’s donned a slim-fitting blue suit, white shirt, and matching tie, which makes him look even taller than he actually is. It also makes him look rather darned gorgeous.
But once all the admirations are over and we’re on our way, I slip back into myself, gazing out of the window, quietly torturing myself with a hundred questions that I don’t have the answers to.
“You okay?” he asks for the third time.
“Yep,” I lie, giving him the same answer I’ve given him twice already.
“You don’t look okay,” he says.
I don’t turn to look at him as he drives into the city. I can’t. I’m too scared that my eyes will give everything I’m feeling away.
“I just have some stuff on my mind.”
“Talk to me, Emma. We’re supposed to be together.”
“It’s not real, Ryan,” I growl back, my biting tone surprising even me.
“Oh, I know,” he snaps back. “You’ve made that perfectly clear over the last few days.”
I spin my head to look at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I mean”—he flicks me a glance before looking back to the road—“you’ve hardly spoken to me over the last few days. Like it was my fault that Megan turned up out of the blue.”
He turns a corner and signals toward a parking garage before pulling into the low-ceilinged structure. A second later, he’s brought the car to a sharp stop.
With his eyebrows pinched together, he spins to scowl at me. “Don’t you think I would have done something about it if I could?” he barks.
“Like you did all those years ago?” I bite back. The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them.
“What?” he blurts.
Looking at the utter astonishment on Ryan’s face, I want to shove those words back to where they came from, but it’s too late, and I’m angry, so I rant on.
“You humiliated me back in high school, and these last few days, I’ve been humiliated all over again.” There. I said it. The cat is now well and truly out of the bag. In fact, it’s currently strolling down the road, trying to hitch a ride.
Ryan’s mouth has fallen open, and he’s looking at me in stunned silence, like I’ve just told him the car’s about to explode. But surely, he remembers what he did all those years ago.
For a long moment, he doesn’t speak, which, I will admit, is a novelty because Ryan always has an answer for everything. Eventually, though, he seems to shake himself from his stupor, and still looking me dead in the eye, he says, “It was just a joke, Emma.” His voice is pained, like he only realizes now the damage he did. “I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“Yes, well,” I sigh, “maybe if I hadn’t been crushing on you for two years, I would have taken it that way. But I was, and so, your rejection hurt me more than you can ever imagine.”
And again, his mouth falls open.