19. Orson
19
Orson
Lily’s complete silence wasn’t quite the answer I was looking for, but then, I suppose I dumped my feelings with no warning. It wasn’t easy. I’m not a particularly expressive person. But after last night, something clicked, and now I know what I want.
I want Lily.
Her deer-in-the-headlights expression did not fill me with confidence, and I’ll admit, her eventual reply was like a punch in the gut. I’m not imagining it; I’m sure she feels something for me, too. Instead, I got a brush-off that she needed more time. In the moment, I was pretty gutted, but now, as I pace back and forth in the apartment with a million thoughts flying through my head, I kind of get it.
I thought, once we got back here, that we might have a chance to talk, but Lily had hardly stepped foot through the door when she got a call about her mom. She’s been gone a few hours now, and I’ve been deliberating over what to do.
She needs time, but I need her.
Selfish? Absolutely.
But this floodgate has been opened now, and there’s an ache in my gut that wasn’t there before. If I pace for much longer, I’m going to need to buy new shoes, and having debated my decision for half an hour, I give in. Grabbing the car keys, I head for the door.
With flowers and chocolates in hand, I follow a nurse down the corridor. Her shoes squeak as she takes hurried steps. I, on the other hand, am strolling quite comfortably.
“Here you go, Mr. Donovan,” she says, opening the door. “Your husband is here, Mrs. Donovan.”
It feels strange hearing that. I suppose I’ve never been announced before.
“Orson?” Lily gawks at me.
While her welcome is a little frosty, the other two women in the room—who I can only assume are her sisters—beam at me with delighted smiles and wide eyes.
Not to sound big-headed, but I am used to it. I’ve been eyed by many women over the years. But right now, I only have eyes for Lily, and smiling perfunctorily to her sisters, I stride straight toward her.
Not wanting her to completely freak out, I bend and kiss her cheek. I assume it’s what a husband might do in this situation, but truthfully, I just want to kiss her. We’ve been apart for four hours, and I feel like an addict, needing my fix.
“What are you doing here?” she gasps, taking the flowers and chocolates I hand her.
“That’s no way to greet your husband, Lily,” one of her sisters retorts, even though she’s smiling. “Aren’t you going to introduce us?”
“Oh, yes. Of course.” Lily flusters a little. “Orson, this is Ellie,” she points to the younger of the women. She’s pretty, with hair the same color as Lily’s. “And this is Martha.” Clearly the older sister, and from what I can tell, someone who’s had some work done on her face. My first thought is that she was in a car accident, and then I recall Lily saying she’s married to a successful plastic surgeon.
Figures.
“And this is Orson,” Lily says finally.
We all shake hands, and there are smiles all around.
“It’s so good to finally meet you, Orson. Lily never shuts up about you,” Martha says.
I smirk. “Is that right?”
When I turn to Lily, she’s making a face and gesturing at her sister. I’m pretty sure the expression and gesticulations imply that she wants Martha to be quiet. I stifle a chuckle at her reddening face and feel a little hope in my heart.
“How is she?” I say, nodding towards the older lady lying in the bed.
“They’ve induced a coma until they know what caused the seizure,” Lily says. “But she’s fine.”
“Exactly.” Ellie grins. “While we’re huddled around her bedside worried sick, Mom’s having a great nap.”
It appears Ellie has the same witty sense of humor as Lily, and I smile in reply.
Turning back to Lily, I say, “Can I talk to you for a minute?”
She frowns when she looks up at me, and then, as though remembering that we’re supposed to be married, the creases in her brow disappear, and she smiles. “Sure. Let’s go for a walk.”
We don’t speak as we move through the corridors. Once outside, Lily turns in the direction of a small garden, and I follow suit. Now by her side, I take a deep breath and begin.
“I’m sorry about your Mom,” I say, easing into it. “I’m also sorry about this morning. What I said clearly shocked you, and by your reaction, I feel like I’ve put you under pressure. That wasn’t my intention, Lily.”
“You don’t have to apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for,” she says. “But yes, you’re right. It was a bit of a curve ball.”
“I should have waited.”
“Waiting wouldn’t have made any difference. It just wasn’t expected; that’s all. Since this morning, I’ve had a little time to think about what you said. You seemed so clear in your mind of how you feel, and I suppose there was a part of me that wondered how.”
“I think we both know this hasn’t just happened overnight, Lily,” I say, confident in my deductions that we’ve had shared moments beyond the boundaries of our original contract. “Or am I the only one who has felt sparks between us?”
She blushes and lowers her head with a smile. “No. You’re not.”
I didn’t think I was. I’ve seen her cheeks flush with excitement, I’ve noticed the soft gaze of her eyes, and I’m pretty certain I wasn’t the only one who enjoyed the not one, but two kisses we’ve shared.
“When I was thinking earlier, my fears were that your feelings have only developed as a result of our circumstances, and—”
“That’s not true,” I cut across her.
She nods. “I kind of figured that out eventually. All the things you’ve done for me have far surpassed what you needed to do. Our business arrangement has definitely crossed some lines.” She smiles up at me.
I grin because that is true.
“I know things are kind of complicated, but I would really like us to start again. I mean, for real this time,” I say. “We’ve been so caught up in playing these parts that I haven’t really had the chance to get to know the real you.”
She looks at me with slight surprise. “You haven’t been shown anything else. The only pretense for me is the fact that we’re married.”
“You know what I mean, Lily.”
She nods, and then a beaming smile lights up her face at some thought that has clearly just run through her mind.
“What?”
“This is embarrassing,” she says, grinning even harder.
“Come on. It can’t be as bad as me wanting to join the circus.”
She giggles and shakes her head. “No. Not that bad.” But she hesitates again.
“Tell me. The suspense is killing me.”
“In high school, I had a massive crush on you.”
“Really?” I blurt, my eyes flying wide. I had no idea what she was going to say, but if I’d been made to guess, I would’ve been way off.
“Yep,” she says. “After school, I’d dream of what it might be like if we dated. I imagined what it might be like to kiss you, or hold your hand, or just be together.”
Ironically, my face is going as red as hers, and as the embarrassment mounts, I start laughing. Clearly, Lily’s feeling something similar, because she laughs along with me.
“Wow,” I say. “And me a little scrawny thing, too.”
“Oh, come on. You weren’t that scrawny,” she counters.
“Why did you never ask?”
“Ask you out?” she blurts. “Are you kidding? I could hardly look you in the eye.”
It’s the strangest experience when you look back and see things from a completely new perspective, and yet, with Lily’s disclosure, I can now remember the times she was kind to me through a different lens. Indeed, she always did seem a little coy or nervous. At the time, I just thought she was shy. How bizarre to learn she had liked me all those years ago.
“Then that’s settled,” I exclaim. “We have to give it a try now, just to fulfill your teenage fantasies.”
Lily goes bright red again, and I can’t help but chuckle.
“Oh, sure. That should be the only reason,” she giggles.
“All right then. I concede. I want to know what it feels like to kiss you, too.”
“Well, we’ve already ticked that box.”
I stop then and take hold of her hand. “Yes,” I say, “but this time, I want it to be for us.”
Lifting her chin with my finger, I lower my head, and with the softest of touches, I brush my lips across hers. All the sparks I’ve experienced before return with a vengeance, only this time, it feels different. This time, this kiss is a new beginning of what could happen for us.