24. Lily
24
Lily
The evening brings with it a chill in the air, and so I go inside to grab my shawl and refill my wine glass. I swear, I’m going to need to detox when I get back to Willow Creek. This is my second bottle in as many days, and there’s plenty more where they came from.
Note to self: restock the wine rack before you leave.
I’m still tired, but after the Facetime conversation with my sisters, I’m now seeing the situation with a little more clarity. The problem with that is, I think I might have made a colossal mistake.
Sitting back on the porch, I think back over the conversation. In the beginning, I was so determined that I was in the right, but now, both Martha and Ellie have filled my head with doubts.
After I explained what had happened and shed a tear or two, my sisters comforted me and told me how much they loved me. But after that, Martha was the first to jump in.
“So, you saw an email from someone named Charlie—”
“Charlotte,” I corrected
“Okay. Charlotte. And because of that, you packed your belongings and left?”
By her face, I could tell she was astonished by my decision; I just couldn’t understand why.
“Martha, he’s clearly seeing this woman,” I defended.
“How can you possibly know that?”
“Really?” I cried.
“Martha has a point,” Ellie chimed in, giving me a placatory smile. “I mean, it does look like you jumped to a bit of a conclusion, sweetie.”
Had I? My doubt was clearly written all over my face because Martha then said, “I know relationships can be complicated sometimes, Lily, and we don’t really know Orson at all, but it just feels a little out of place.”
“Look at everything he did when Mom was in the hospital. He was so kind and caring,” Ellie added.
“Sure, but he could be covering up the fact that he’s with someone else,” I replied, repeating thoughts that I’d brainwashed myself with.
“Don’t you think he might have used the fact that you were out of town to see his mistress more often if it really was his lover?”
And therein lay the rub. When you talk to someone with a different perspective, you begin to see things from a different angle. Still, I wasn’t ready to let go of my deductions straight away.
“Her words were right there!” I exclaimed. “She said the next time she sees him, she wants to give him a big, sloppy kiss.”
“Okay,” Martha said assertively. “Tell me this. Is that something you would say to Orson? I mean, would you use those kinds of words?”
My sister put me on the spot with that question because, for the last three months, Orson and I haven’t actually been together. The decision to date and get to know each other has literally only happened in the last three days. Even then, we’ve hardly seen each other.
Ellie obviously saw me struggling. “I think what Martha is trying to say is that those aren’t usually words a lover might use.”
“Right,” Martha agreed. “That’s something your grandma might say, or an aunt.”
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that my sisters were right. Of course, they both have far more experience with relationships than me, but still, shouldn’t I have known better?
“Are you guys…?” I trailed off because I was so scared to hear their replies, but if I had to hear the obvious truth from anyone, I would want it to be them. “Are you guys telling me that I’ve completely messed up?”
Both Ellie and Martha gave me sympathetic faces.
“Listen, sweetie,” Ellie said. “You’ve had a lot going on. You’ve got the bakery, and you just got married. You’re dealing with all the planning for the town, and then Mom was sick. I always told you that you burned the candle at both ends. I think you’re just exhausted.”
I nodded because I totally am. I was exhausted before Donovan Enterprises set foot in Willow Creek. Trying to keep a business afloat in an economic downturn is like trying to fetch water from a well with a load of holes in your bucket.
And then there’s been the deceit. I know I agreed to the fake marriage to save my business, but I’ll be honest; I didn’t think it would be as stressful as it has been. Especially the gala at Orson’s family estate. And then, just because I like to keep things interesting, there have been all these feelings I’m not used to feeling that have my head turned upside down.
So, yes. Maybe I just hadn’t been thinking straight. But now, I felt like a complete idiot, swiftly followed by the feeling of guilt because of the note I had left for Orson and the fact I was completely ignoring him for two whole days.
I dropped my head in my hands and whimpered. “What have I done?”
“Nothing that can’t be undone. Believe me, sweetie, I know,” Martha said firmly.
“He loves you, Lily. Anyone with a heartbeat can see that,” Ellie added.
It took a moment for those words to sink in, and then I said, “He loves me?”
My sisters looked at me like I was nuts, and then I remembered that they weren’t privy to the fact that Orson and I are not actually married. “Well, yes,” I scrambled, “of course he loves me. What I mean is, you know, will he love me now?”
My sisters were still looking at me like I’d grown an extra head, but Martha at least nodded. “Love doesn’t work like that, Lily. You don’t just stop loving someone because they made a mistake. Although there are times I could strangle Gerry just for breathing too loud.”
This set us all into a fit of giggles.
“You should hear him,” Martha continued through her laughter. “There are some nights when we’re watching TV, and I think I’m sitting next to Darth Vader. He’s just missing the big black cloak.” She then went on to do an impression of what Gerry sounded like, which only made us cackle more.
When the call finally came to an end, I thanked them both and told them how much they’d helped me.
“Are you going to call him?” Ellie said.
“I don’t know if I should now. I feel like such a fool. Maybe I’ll give him a call tomorrow.”
“Okay.” Ellie nodded. “We love you, you know.”
Martha nodded, too. “We do.”
“And I love you both, too. So much. Thank you.”
Eventually, after far too many goodbyes, we ended the call, and I was left alone to contemplate what a complete idiot I had been. I needed more wine. At least then, I could drown my stupidity in a state of drunken stupor and not have to be reminded of it too much.
The more I think about Martha and Ellie’s words, the more ridiculous I feel, and the more that email looks like it was sent by anyone but Orson’s lover. Does he have an aunt named Charlotte? Who knows? I sure don’t. Something I could have asked him, had I stayed long enough for him to defend himself.
Maybe I’m just not cut out for this relationship malarkey. Maybe that’s the reason I’ve remained single for all this time.
No. That’s just been bad timing.
Possibly, but clearly, I suck at it. The relationship part, not the timing. Or hey, maybe both.
After another refill of my glass, I return to the porch and think about the most profound sentence of the entire conversation.
He loves you, Lily. Anyone with a heartbeat can see that.
I have a heartbeat, and I didn’t see it. Or have I been walking around with my eyes closed?
No, the word you’re looking for is denial.
The thing is, as I sit here, sipping more wine and gazing out onto the lake and the setting sun, I think I love him, too. No. That’s wrong. I know I love him. I don’t really know how long I’ve known. I just do. And yet I might have just ruined any chance of a happy future together. Orson hasn’t called for a couple of hours. Maybe he’s given up, and who can blame him?
I don’t know how long I sat there, falling back into my earlier trancelike state, but the sound of crunching tires on the gravel at the front of the cabin brings me back sharply. No one knows I’m up here, and other than my sisters and me, no one else should be on this property. Besides, it’s a bit late in the evening for visitors.
Pushing myself up from my chair, I walk to the end of the porch and lean over the railing just as Orson climbs out of his car.
“Oh, Lord,” I murmur as my heart thumps against my chest. It’s part fear of what’s going to happen and part excitement at seeing him again.
I don’t know how they got his number, but clearly one of those two told him where I was, and I’m betting it was Ellie.
He has a pizza in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other. I probably shouldn’t tell him how much I’ve already drunk in the last forty-eight hours.
“Hi,” he says as he approaches the railing.
“Hi,” I say meekly, already feeling my face going red.
“Are you hungry?” He lifts the pizza as he walks around to the front of the porch.
I nod.
“Good. You can eat while I talk.”
Okay then.
Once I’ve retrieved a glass for his wine, I sit back down beside him on the porch bench. The pizza sits on the table in front of us.
“Good Lord, that’s quite a view!” Orson exclaims, looking over the lake at the last slither of fiery sun that burns on the horizon. “I can see why you chose to be here.” He looks down at me and smiles.
“Why are you being so nice to me? I made a huge mistake.”
“I know,” he says in a tone that conveys that he doesn’t really care.
“So?”
“You think I’ve never made mistakes, Lily? You think you’re the only one on the planet who’s thought one thing was something else entirely?”
I shrug as I lift a piece of the pie out of the box. I can’t really argue with that, can I?
“Besides, I have to take some of the blame for all of this. If I had just told you how I really felt when I knew, you would have been left with no doubt in your mind how much I wanted to be with you.”
“You can’t take the blame for me jumping to ridiculous conclusions, Orson,” I say. “Besides, I shouldn’t even be reading your emails. I was in the wrong on every level.”
“Do you really want to know who Charlotte is?” he asks, a smile dancing at the corner of his mouth.
I shake my head. “Not now. I know she’s probably your aunt or something.”
“He,” he says pointedly, “is a buddy from university.”
My jaw drops as I gawk at him.
Orson full-on grins at me then. “Charlie Wells and I met up for dinner when your Mom was in the hospital. He was back in the city for some business. We don’t see each other very often. It’s an old joke. He started sending me texts and emails with his trademark ‘sloppy kiss’ remark years ago.”
“Oh, good Lord,” I breathe, feeling even more idiotic.
“That’s exactly what I say every time I see his emails,” Orson quips.
I can’t help but giggle at his comment.
He grins at me again. “It’s so good to hear your laugh again, Lily.”
My giggle fades and I gaze at him. “I’m sorry. Truly, I am.”
“I don’t care about any of that. I’m only here to ask if you’ll come back.”