Chapter Six #2
The light wasn’t on in the staffroom, and it was on the wrong side of the building to benefit from the morning sun. Expecting it to be empty, Sam did a doubletake when he saw Clara standing by the urn. Her face looked pale and a little drawn. She usually had rosy cheeks and a glowing complexion.
‘Morning,’ he said.
‘Morning, Sam.’ She stifled a yawn.
‘Oh, don’t.’ He held a hand to his mouth. ‘You’ll start me off. I hardly slept at all last night.’
‘Same.’ Clara rubbed her eyes. ‘I feel run through and the day hasn’t even started yet.’
He got it. Olive had messaged him last night to let him know she would likely be moving this summer. Sam’s head and heart felt shredded – torn between so many options. None were perfect, but at the moment, none were even good.
‘It’s this inspection.’ Sam dropped his backpack on an empty chair. ‘Have you heard how it’s going? I know they were in the history department yesterday. Eddie was speaking about it at the end of the day. He seemed to think it went well.’
‘I had a couple of them in yesterday after they were in with Gil and Adele.’ Clara rubbed at her forehead. Her eyes looked a little sunken, probably because she was tired, but the skin around them was red. Perhaps she’d been rubbing them, but Sam wasn’t convinced.
‘Did it go ok?’ He cocked his head and caught her gaze.
Her expression crumpled, and she shook her head. ‘Not really.’
‘Oh no. Why?’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t be sorry. What happened?’
She shook her head as if trying to rid something from it. ‘I just feel like I rambled on too much. I wasn’t thinking straight. I’ve got so much on my mind.’
He let out a sigh. ‘Well, if you want to talk about it, I’m here. Or if it’s easier just to be silent, that’s ok too.’
‘Can I steal a hug?’ She glanced up at him, almost apologetically.
‘Sure.’ He approached her and put his arms about her.
As she’d done the afternoon he’d rumbled her about Kerr, she melted into him again.
He drew in a breath, catching the soft, very delicate scent of her.
Closing his eyes, he imagined her dancing in a field of wildflowers with sunlight highlighting her glossy hair and rosy cheeks.
Her grey eyes sparkled with joy, and warmth spread from her as it always did.
She tightened her grip on him, and he matched her.
‘I’m sure the inspectors won’t mind if you rambled,’ he said quietly.
‘Probably not… but there are other things.’
‘Are there?’
‘Yes, women’s issues. You won’t want to hear the gory details, but they’re making me feel crap.’
‘Sorry to hear that. But I’m happy to listen to anything you have to say. It’s more whether you want to tell me or not.’
She squeezed him some more, almost crushing him. For someone so small, she had a very intense grip.
Sam rubbed her back a little.
‘Thank you so much. It’s just ongoing tests,’ she said. ‘Nothing life-threatening, but… well, not very pleasant.’ Her hair tickled the patch of skin at his neck where his top buttons were open, and his lips twitched.
‘I know that I can’t do anything practical, but if you need anything, just let me know, and I’ll do what I can.’
‘You already did.’
‘Did I?’
‘You gave me a hug. That’s all I need right now, my lovely.’ She let out a sigh. ‘And I love you so much for it.’
‘Clara…’ He let out a half laugh. How could she just come out with stuff like that?
‘What?’ She pulled back and giggled. ‘I do. You’re so lovely and kind. I really appreciate you.’
He nodded, blinked and stepped away.
‘Let me make the coffee today.’ She took two mugs down from the shelf. ‘Though I won’t do it as well as you, I’m sure.’
‘You will.’
She turned and smiled at him, and he held her gaze for a moment. His insides tightened, and a niggling voice started up in his head, pestering him with thoughts that he shouldn’t really be having… Like definitely shouldn’t be having. He shoved them away.
But later that day, they had a brief staff meeting with the inspection team after school, and Sam found his eyes drawn across the room to Clara once more as he waited for it to start.
She was seated near Kerr and Eddie, laughing at something Eddie had said.
The sunshine was back, and it made his heart lift.
Clara’s eyes looked brighter than they had in the morning, and her smile…
Sam mirrored it, unable to stop himself.
Eddie leaned around Kerr and said something else to Clara, and her smile broadened even more.
Sam, still grinning, mentally kicked himself.
She was a colleague, and he had to remember that – even if she did go about hugging him and telling him she loved him.
But that was just her way… while his way was to be pleasant but keep people at arm’s length because who knew when he might have to move on again.
So far, he was not succeeding with Clara.
‘Hey, Sam.’ Polly Ritchie, the young biology teacher, sat down next to him. ‘How are you?’
‘I’m good. You?’
‘Yeah, yeah, good. Is Isabella Denby still coming to your classes?’
‘She is, yes. And she seems to be doing well.’ He forced himself to focus on Polly because his eyes seemed to have developed a mind of their own, wanting to lock onto Clara at every possible moment. ‘She’s getting counselling now, and she said that was helping.’
Polly nodded. ‘I agree, but she’s still only coming to our classes, I think.’
‘She’s just started doing Brenna’s social studies class, and Clara is trying to persuade her to do maths as well.’
‘Ah, good. That’s what I was thinking, that we should encourage her to do some more subjects – maybe before the holidays, because she’ll have exams after Easter.’
‘Definitely.’ He stole another glance across at Clara. ‘It would be good if she could get in some more subjects if possible.’
‘Yeah,’ Polly replied with a smile. ‘I think she likes us, so we’re ideally placed to encourage her.’
‘I don’t mind having a little chat with her.’ He rubbed the back of his neck. ‘Just informally. I think the more we let her know that we think she’s capable, the better. As long as we make sure she knows it’s ok if she really doesn’t feel up to it.’
‘Ok, we’ll try to get that balance.’ Polly flipped open her notebook.
Gil and Adele came in with two of the inspection team.
As the lead inspector spoke about wanting to discuss staff concerns or issues on the delivery of the curriculum, Sam’s attention drifted back to Clara again.
Was she really ok? He’d like to support her if he could, but he hated the thought of becoming attached to someone, only to be ripped away from them… and through no choice of his own.