Chapter Eighteen
Sam
‘There you are.’ Dominic clapped Sam on the back mid-dance. Clara pulled back, and Sam felt the loss immediately. Perhaps it was for the best. They’d got a bit carried away. But he was enjoying it, and so was she – so why shouldn’t they? Carpe diem and all that.
‘I’ve been so busy dancing I’ve hardly had a chance to talk to anyone,’ Dominic said.
‘I saw you. Good moves.’
‘Ha, yeah. Astrid and I went to ballroom dance classes to learn our routine for the first dance. That took months of practice, so I hope it was good.’ His eyes shifted to Clara.
‘It was. Well done,’ she said.
‘The two of you seem to be doing a rather good job yourselves. You’ve hardly sat down all evening.’
Clara fanned her face. ‘We should probably take a breather. Let me get you both a drink. What would you like?’
‘I could murder a Guinness if you don’t mind,’ Dominic said.
‘I’ll do the same,’ Sam added. ‘I haven’t had that for years.’
‘Used to be our favourite, didn’t it?’ Dominic winked at him.
‘I’ll get you both one and you can reminisce over it,’ Clara said with a wave. She headed to the table, got her bag, and went to the bar.
‘She’s adorable.’ Dominic grinned. ‘The two of you are made for each other.’
‘Um, yeah.’ Sam pulled a face.
‘What’s that look for?’ Dominic raised his eyebrows.
‘Nothing.’ He gave a quick headshake. ‘It’s just too early to speculate.’
‘Nonsense.’ Dominic chuckled and clapped Sam on his shoulder. ‘When you know, you know. And I can tell just by looking at the two of you that you’re perfect together.’
Sam didn’t want to risk a response that might incriminate him, so he changed the subject. ‘Where’s Astrid?’
‘At the bathroom with all her bridesmaids – apparently it’s a military style operation going for a wee in that dress.’
Sam snorted, sitting at the table and watching the dwindling crowd on the dance floor. The night had mellowed into a comfortable lull, though his insides were buzzing. The charge between him and Clara had got so strong on the dancefloor, he was close to combusting.
He and Dominic chattered about old times until Clara returned with a small tray.
‘Here you are.’ She handed them their pints. ‘Here’s to a happy future.’ She clinked her wine glass on Dominic’s pint. ‘And thank you, Sam, for inviting me. I’m really enjoying it.’
He raised his glass to meet hers.
‘I’m very glad to hear it.’
‘I was just saying what a wonderful couple you are.’ Dominic grinned at Clara. ‘A perfect match, I’d say.’
‘Oh… thank you.’ Clara smiled up at Sam. The look was so adorable, it was a struggle not to lean down and plant a gentle kiss on those glossy lips.
Together, the three of them sipped their drinks and chatted until Dominic spotted Astrid returning.
‘Better go and check she’s alright. Thank you both for coming though. It’s been wonderful having you.’
Sam watched him cross the dance floor and greet Astrid with a kiss.
‘They’re very cute,’ Clara said.
Sam nodded, and his eyes fell back on her. She was elfin in her looks, petite and compact. Her smile was like literal sunshine.
‘And apparently so are we.’
They both chuckled.
Since splitting with Olive, Sam hadn’t really been inclined towards romantic thoughts. He’d spent too long questioning himself, overthinking everything, shutting those doors before they could even creak open. But something had definitely stirred inside him now.
Maybe it was nothing more than the fake dating nonsense coupled with the comfort of a good friend who made him laugh again. Yet his body told a different story. His temperature felt a few degrees too high, his pulse several beats too fast.
Is it just because I’ve been out of the game for so long?
Or perhaps his soul was content, but his body had started craving the pleasure to match.
‘You ok?’ She set her glass down.
‘Just daydreaming.’
‘What about?’
‘You.’
Her eyes widened, then she blinked. ‘Oh… and what about me?’
He steadied himself with a deep breath. ‘Just thinking about how you make me feel.’
‘And how is that?’
‘Relaxed. Happy…’ He wanted to add ‘horny’, but was that wise?
‘Same. I’ve been thinking that all evening.’
He rolled his head around to look at her. Breathing slowly in and out, he caught her sweet and delicate perfume that smelled like roses. ‘Have you?’
She nodded. ‘Do you feel… kind of different? Like it’s not so fake anymore?’
Sam glanced down at her. With a slightly shaky finger, he brushed a strand of hair from across her face and tucked it behind her ear. ‘Yeah. Yeah, I do.’
Straightening up, she reached for her drink and downed the rest of it. ‘And do you want to do anything about it?’
His eyes met hers, and he took a slow sip of his Guinness. ‘I’d be a liar if I said no.’
She gave him a little smile. ‘If it’s a terrible idea, we can put it down to a fake dating disaster.’
‘Thank goodness we can laugh.’ He chuckled.
‘We can always do that. Or we could cry – as you know, weddings do that to me. They also make me think about how bad I am at relationships.’
‘It’s not your fault what happened with Kerr.’
She gave him a small smile but didn’t meet his gaze. ‘I don’t mean him. My last boyfriend… “football-first Fergie”.’
Sam stayed quiet, aware that, for all she was a chatterbox, she rarely volunteered personal stories.
‘He was… a disaster,’ she said. ‘Or our relationship was anyway. He was obsessed with sports. Football, rugby, golf – if it was on, he was glued to it, and he would subscribe to every channel to make sure he didn’t miss anything.
It got so that it wasn’t a hobby anymore, but an obsession.
His mood literally depended on whether his team won. If they didn’t…’
Sam frowned. ‘He took it out on you?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Bastard.’ He reached out and covered her hand with his.
‘Not physically, but he’d yell and get so worked up about it. If I tried to cheer him up, he’d snap at me. If I didn’t, he’d sulk. It got to the point where I dreaded weekends because I knew there’d be a match, and I knew he’d find a reason to be angry.’
Sam shook his head. ‘What an arse.’
Clara huffed out a weak laugh. ‘Yeah, he was. I didn’t see it at first. I thought he just needed support, you know? I kept telling myself it’d get better. It didn’t.’
‘How long were you with him?’
‘Three years. Too long. I finally ended it during the football World Cup. That’s when it got so bad I couldn’t take it anymore.’
‘I’m glad you got out.’
‘Me too. I promised myself I wouldn’t settle for someone like that again. I just enjoyed being single for a while… until, well, you-know-who came along.’
Sam nodded. ‘Kerr.’
‘Yup.’ She tapped her finger on the table. ‘At least he was nice. I thought he was the answer. Turns out he was just… well, a different kind of wrong.’
‘I’m sure the right person exists for you.’
She shook her head. ‘I don’t know. There’s other stuff.’ She smirked at him. ‘I’m not exactly selling myself, am I?’
‘You don’t have to.’ He increased the pressure on her hand. ‘I’m your friend. I don’t want anything from you that you’re not happy to give. I’m not exactly in a good place for relationships,’ he said. ‘But that doesn’t mean I’m dead inside.’
‘I know what you mean. It’s been a long time for me too. I feel like a rusty old piece of machinery now.’ She looked up at him. ‘I haven’t been with anyone since Fergus. Is that pathetic?’
‘No.’ Sam leaned back, letting out a breath.
‘I’m the same. My life is too messy. I never want to start something in case I have to leave.
I’m so tied to Olive’s job. She works in the performing arts, and she travels around with theatre companies.
There’s not much stability. If I want to be with the boys, I have to go too.
I would hate to disappoint someone by starting a relationship that may go nowhere. ’
‘Oh god.’ Clara let out a sigh and took hold of his hand. ‘That must be so hard for you. But it makes so much sense to me. And I can relate. I know what it’s like not wanting to disappoint someone.’
Sam nodded. ‘I’m sorry you feel like that too. But why do you think you’d disappoint someone?’
She gave a little shrug. ‘I’m not sure it’s something I want to talk about here.’
‘Ok, but if you ever want to, I’ll listen.’
‘Thank you, Sam.’
From what he’d heard before, he suspected it was fertility issues. He understood why that would make her feel less worthy, though he wished it didn’t. She was valuable just the way she was.
He drained his glass, eyes roaming the room. ‘Shall we make our way back?’
‘Yeah.’
They found Dominic and Astrid, exchanged their goodbyes, and slipped out into the night.
The air was cool now and quite pleasant.
As they walked along the narrow pavement toward the track leading up to the cottage, the silhouette of Hawthorne House loomed against the sky – dark windows glinting faintly in the distance.
‘That’s well creepy,’ Clara murmured, edging closer.
Sam smiled and slipped his arm around her shoulders. ‘I’ll keep you safe, little fake date.’
‘Aw, I know you will, big fake date.’ She leaned in, arms winding around his waist. Her voice softened. ‘This is what I miss about relationships… physical contact.’
‘Me too.’ He gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze, feeling her warmth through the thin fabric of her dress.
For a moment, he didn’t want to let go. Then, half-laughing, half-nervous, he said, ‘Although… I just realised something. I’m not sure we can really take our only-one-bed situation to the next level. ’
Her head snapped up. ‘Why not?’
‘It’s not that I don’t want to.’ He gave a low, awkward laugh. ‘Believe me, I do. But we need to be safe, and I’m not exactly prepared for this kind of thing. I don’t carry anything with me, and it’d be crazy to—’
‘I bought condoms.’
He stopped dead, blinking at her. ‘What?’
‘In the hotel bathroom. There was a machine and… well, I thought, just in case. Oh god, this is so embarrassing. I’m glad it’s dark. You must think I’m insane.’