Chapter Twenty-One #2
Kaleb served, and Sam clipped it back. With no net or lines, they were scampering about all over the place, trying to pick up balls, catch dodgy bounces, and stop wayward shots going into bushes or being picked up by random dogs.
‘Watch out for Dad’s backhand,’ Kaleb called to Jacob. ‘It’s deadly… deadly off course anyway.’
‘Cheeky.’ Sam executed a pretty neat backhand that whizzed past the boys.
‘Ooh, nice one.’ Clara grinned, bumping her shoulder against his.
Jacob sent a lob their way. The ball arced high, landing deep in their court. Both Sam and Clara ran for it. In their determination, neither noticed how close they’d got until it was too late.
They collided, limbs tangling as they lost their balance. Clara felt herself falling, only to land squarely on top of Sam, who’d hit the ground with a thud.
‘Oof.’ He stared up at her, his hands laid out on the grass like he was surrendering. A position she really wouldn’t have minded him being in at all in other circumstances.
‘Oh god, Sam.’ She gasped, her face mere inches from his. ‘Are you ok? I’m so sorry.’
He laid his head back and groaned, a lopsided grin on his face. ‘I’m fine.’ He chuckled, and his chest rumbled beneath her.
Her heart raced as she looked down at him, their faces so close she could feel his warm breath on her cheek. For a moment, the world seemed to narrow to just the two of them. She was acutely aware of every point where their bodies touched, the solid warmth of his shoulders beneath her hands.
‘Dad! Clara! Are you guys okay?’ Kaleb’s voice broke the spell, and Clara scrambled to her feet, her cheeks flushing pink.
Sam sat up, rubbing the back of his head with a rueful smile. ‘Yeah, fine.’
Kaleb reached down and put his hand on Sam’s shoulder. ‘Needing an injury timeout now?’
‘I think I’ll survive.’
Clara brushed grass from her clothes. ‘You got the worst of it. You cushioned my fall.’
Sam rolled his shoulders. ‘No harm done.’
Clara’s eyes met his, and that all too familiar flutter in her stomach started up. The memory of his body pressed against hers lingered, a reminder of how much she enjoyed being close to him.
Jacob burst into a fit of giggles, his freckly face full of mischief. ‘You two looked so silly!’
‘Nice.’ Sam jumped to his feet.
‘You should get married,’ he added, and Kaleb covered his mouth to snigger, his eyes darting between the adults.
Clara and Sam stared at each other before Sam let out a shaky laugh. ‘That’s not really how it works.’ He ruffled his son’s hair affectionately. ‘Clara and I are just friends.’
‘So she’s your girlfriend then?’
‘Not exactly.’
The warmth in Clara’s cheeks got even hotter.
This was all a great Easter holiday diversion, but when school restarted, she and Sam would be colleagues.
How awkward would it be if they were also sleeping together?
Would they be able to keep it quiet? Someone would surely notice something.
Lissa, for instance, was sure to catch on – she was sharp when it came to reading body language.
‘Come on, Jacob, let’s go get the ball.’ Kaleb said. ‘I think it rolled into those bushes over there.’ He and Jacob ran across the grass.
Sam rubbed the back of his neck and scrunched up his nose in an apologetic manner. ‘Sorry about that.’ His eyes met hers.
Clara rubbed his back, then momentarily rested her forehead on his upper arm. ‘It’s fine. I don’t mind at all. It’s quite sweet actually.’
They played a few more rallies before everyone was worn out. Sam gathered up the tennis racquets and balls, and Clara folded the picnic blanket, while the boys grabbed drinks and slugged them down.
Sam took the rug from Clara and put it in the bag.
‘Listen.’ She checked the boys weren’t within earshot. ‘Do you want to come back to mine for a bit? You can stay over if you want.’
A small smile played at the corners of his mouth. ‘Sure, that sounds good.’ His deep, low voice sent tremors through her, as always.
‘Cool, and Skye will be happy to see you. She loves you almost as much as me.’
He raised an eyebrow, and she knew he was trying to work out if she meant Skye loved him as much as Clara herself, or if Skye loved him as much as Clara loved Sam… And really, Clara didn’t know herself.
She’d gone from throwing that phrase around as freely as a tennis ball to wanting to say it to him and mean every syllable, every letter.
But she knew he didn’t want that. Not when he would probably be moving on soon.
He wanted transient fun. Something to enjoy in the here and now.
And she was enjoying it too. It broke the monotony of life and had stopped her mooning over Kerr.
And yet, her chest compressed every time she thought about the end of the holidays, and her heart ached.
She caught Sam’s eye, and he smiled again. The pain inside her instantly ebbed.
Clara helped the boys gather their things, laughing as Jacob reenacted what he thought their fall had looked like.
When they were back at the car, Clara slid into the passenger seat and opened the window. The boys piled into the back.
The drive to Olive’s house wasn’t far, and the boys seemed too tired to speak much.
They pulled up to a modest two-story home with a neatly trimmed hedge, and Clara’s curiosity piqued, but a slight flutter filtered into her nervous system. This was Olive’s domain, a place where Clara didn’t quite belong.
‘Ok, boys.’ Sam turned in his seat. ‘Got everything?’
Kaleb and Jacob nodded, unbuckling their seatbelts and gathering their belongings. Clara turned to face them. ‘It was lovely spending time with you both. Thanks for teaching me your bowling secrets and letting me win at tennis.’
Jacob beamed at her, the dimples appearing on his cheeks again. ‘You’re welcome. Maybe next time you can beat Dad.’
‘We’ll see about that.’ Sam clapped Jacob’s knee.
The boys clambered out of the car, and Sam followed them. ‘I’ll just be a minute,’ he said.
Clara watched him walk the boys to the door, his tall frame slightly hunched as he listened intently to something Kaleb was saying. The front door opened before they reached it, and a slim, blonde-haired woman stepped out.
Sam hugged the boys, and Clara’s heart melted. The way they both held onto the embrace like they really didn’t want to part from him was so relatable. He kept his arms around them both as he said something to Olive.
‘I’ll be back for you on Monday.’ Sam waved to the boys, and they disappeared into the house, leaving him and Olive alone on the doorstep.
Clara tried not to stare, but curiosity got the better of her. She watched as Sam and Olive exchanged words. Olive’s gaze shifted momentarily, looking directly at the car.
Shit. Clara’s breath caught in her throat as she saw Olive narrow her eyes. She could just hear the words drifting through the open car window.
‘Is that her in the car?’ Olive asked.
Sam shifted his weight, his broad shoulders blocking Clara’s view of Olive for a moment. ‘Yes.’
Clara held her breath, acutely aware of Olive’s gaze boring into her. She offered a small, awkward wave, which Olive acknowledged with a curt nod.
‘Did the boys have a good time?’ she asked.
‘They did.’ Sam ran a hand through his hair. ‘I better go.’
Olive’s eyes flicked to Clara again. ‘Ok. See you. And thanks for taking them.’
‘Any time.’ He returned to the car and slid into the driver’s seat. Clara caught the faint scent of his cologne that she loved so much. She closed her eyes, breathing it in for a moment.
Sam pulled away, and Clara opened her eyes, watching the passing scenery as they went north to Glenbriar.
When they got there, he returned to his house, where she’d left her car that morning, then went in and packed an overnight bag while Clara waited in the garden.
She shielded her eyes, scanning the view to the forest on one side and the valley on the other.
The loch was just visible. Perhaps it was possible to see all the way to Glenvorneth from here but she wasn’t a hundred per cent sure of the lie of the land.
When Sam was ready, he hopped into Clara’s car, and she headed back into Glenbriar before taking the loch road out of the town.
‘Sam,’ she said, ‘can I ask you something?’
‘Of course.’
She took a deep breath. ‘I hope this isn’t overstepping, but… why did you and Olive split up? I remember you said once she’d blamed you for a lot of things and you felt like you were in the wrong. What were the things she blamed you for? Or… was there more to it?’
Sam stared out of the side window. For a moment, Clara thought he might not answer, but then he let out a long sigh, his shoulders sagging slightly.
‘Yeah, there’s more. It’s… complicated,’ he said. ‘As these things usually are. But, well, she was dishonest with me. About something very important.’
Clara sucked on her lower lip, giving Sam space to continue if he wanted to.
‘You see, I always wanted more kids. I love Kaleb and Jacob with all my heart, but I… I wanted to have another one, maybe a couple. It’s obviously not guaranteed, but I kind of hoped to have a daughter to add to our family.’ He paused, swallowing hard.
‘Olive knew this. We talked about it. For years, she told me we were trying. We went through all the motions – tracking her cycle, timing everything just right. But nothing happened.’
Clara slowed the car as they approached a bend, and briefly glanced at Sam. In the depths of his eyes, she saw pain. She recognised it because she was in a similar position.
‘So… you couldn’t have kids?’
He gave a little shrug. ‘I never had the chance.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘One day, I accidentally found her birth control.’
Clara’s heart clenched, and her eyes widened. ‘She was on the pill the whole time?’
‘Yup. Exactly that.’
‘Oh, my god. I’m so sorry, Sam.’ She took one hand off the wheel and rested it on his thigh.
He covered her hand with his and squeezed. ‘I was devastated when I found out. It felt like our entire marriage and everything we had built together was a lie.’
Tears prickled at the corners of her eyes. ‘Did you confront her about it?’
Sam’s jaw clenched tight, and he nodded. ‘Yes, I did. And at first, she denied it. But eventually, she admitted that she didn’t want any more children and had been taking birth control secretly because she didn’t want to tell me.’
Sam stared out of the window for a few seconds before continuing.
‘I couldn’t be with someone who claimed to love me but was so deceitful. If she’d just told me. But she thought I’d leave her if I discovered she didn’t want kids because she knew how much I wanted more. The irony.’ He let out a mirthless laugh. ‘Like I could stay with her after that.’
‘Is that why you left?’
‘We separated soon after. The dishonesty was too much, but that was when I started questioning myself, wondering what I’d done wrong. Even now, I don’t really understand why she did it. Am I so unapproachable? Why wouldn’t she just tell me the truth?’
‘I don’t know. You seem so kind to me.’ Clara shook her head, her mind reeling.
‘I suppose in a twisted way, she didn’t want to hurt you.
But what she did was worse in the long run.
’ Clara’s heart hurt. For Sam, but also for herself.
The spark of a dream that had been growing in her mind had just been snuffed out.
Sam wants more kids. And she couldn’t be the person he had those kids with.
Someone had already denied him more children through their own selfish actions and lies. She wouldn’t do that.
Her attraction to him had been growing all week, but now, as she absorbed the depth of his pain and the intensity of his desire for a family, she recognised that her feelings ran much deeper.
She was falling for him, truly and completely.
A shadow fell across her soul. Her own struggles with premature menopause loomed large in her mind, a cruel irony in the face of Sam’s longing for more children.
But she wanted so badly to be there for Sam, to offer him comfort and support after his painful revelation.
And she could – by giving him the love and friendship he needed right now.
Even if any hopes of their relationship developing further were quickly dying.
Things were going to change so much in the next few months.
And Clara needed to discard all thoughts of a future relationship with Sam and enjoy every second she could with him and his lovely boys while they were still here.