Chapter Twenty-Three
Clara
May
Clara pressed her palms flat on the desk, taking a deep breath.
The glass vase by her window brimmed with tulips so vividly red they glowed against the grey sky.
She smiled at them. The first week back was almost done, though not everything was as rosy as the flowers.
So far this week, her case loads had risen due to several pupils having meltdowns about the upcoming exams.
Still, it was break time, and that meant coffee. She’d just got to her feet when there was a knock at the door. Pulling it open, she grinned as Sam leaned his hand against the frame.
‘Hey,’ he said.
‘Morning, Mr Addison.’ She gave him a little wink. ‘What can I do for you?’
She’d barely had a chance to speak to him about anything much, though they’d exchanged messages in the evening. Her heart was bereft without him, but at least at school, she knew he was close by – somewhere – and that knowledge helped a lot.
He shut the door behind him.
‘Can we chat for a moment?’ His expression was uncharacteristically serious.
‘Sure, what’s up?’
He had the look of someone waiting to be called into the Head’s office for bad news.
‘So… I haven’t really had the chance to tell you this.
It’s taken me a while to process it myself, and even now, I’m trying not to think about it.
But I can’t avoid it, and you need to know too.
Olive’s contract is almost up.’ He swallowed.
‘It ends on my birthday, would you believe? Anyway, she’s started applying for jobs.
And…’ His thumb flicked at a small nick in his knuckle.
‘Well, the next job could be anywhere. And if it’s not somewhere nearby… ’ He glanced at her with big sad eyes.
Clara’s chest pressed in from all sides. ‘Aw, Sam.’ For his sake, she must not cry. It was hard enough for him. He didn’t need her getting upset because of her own selfish desires. ‘That’s so unsettling for you.’
He managed a smile, but she knew it was more for her than anything real. ‘Yeah. And I’m sorry.’
‘It’s ok. You told me this would probably happen.’
‘I suppose I just hoped it wouldn’t.’ He pulled a helpless face. ‘Which was stupid really.’
She crossed the small room and wrapped her arms around his neck; his hands settled near her waist. ‘I’ll still always be your friend.’
‘Thank you,’ he murmured. ‘I’ll miss you.’
‘We can always meet up for a fake date now and then,’ she said, voice bright, in a desperate attempt to lighten the mood.
He huffed out a laugh. ‘You’ll always be welcome.’
Voices outside the door made Clara pull away.
‘Clara! Are you in there?’ It was Lissa, voice as loud as the neon yellow of her preferred jumpsuit. She grinned, poking her head around the door before Clara could even answer.
‘Yes, I’m here.’
‘And Sam! Oh, love, you look knackered.’ Lissa eyed him over. ‘Is everything ok?’ She breezed in, a vortex of perfume and wild hand gestures.
‘Yeah. I’m fine,’ Sam said, but his smile was faker than any of their dates had been.
There wasn’t much time now before the May half term.
For Glenbriar, like most Scottish schools, it was only a long weekend, but the English schools got a whole week, and Sam’s family would soon be arriving.
Despite the weird limbo-like state Clara found herself in with Sam, she was delighted when he messaged her to check that she still wanted to see his family.
They decided she’d come over on the Saturday of their arrival to help get the house ready.
‘This wasn’t my best idea.’ Sam laughed as Clara was almost swallowed whole by a kingsize duvet cover as she tried to wrestle it onto the duvet. ‘You’re too short.’ He helped her out of it, and they caught each other’s eyes, giggling like old times.
‘And you’re too cheeky.’
He smirked. ‘I wish I had more time to get this place in better shape.’
‘It looks fine. It’s quaint.’
‘That’s one way to put it.’ He scrubbed his hand over his face as he took in the old-fashioned windows and outdated carpet.
‘At least it’s clean.’ Clara came over and hugged him. ‘And very welcoming.’
Later in the day, a silver car pulled into the driveway, and Moira and Claire got out, stretching while Alisha and Mina tumbled out of the backseat.
‘Uncle Sam!’ Alisha cried, spotting him first. She broke into a run, her long dark hair swishing behind her as she launched herself into his arms. Sam caught her, spinning her around as she giggled.
Mina, not to be outdone, rushed over as well, wrapping her arms around Sam’s legs. ‘We missed you, Uncle Sam!’
‘I missed you too, munchkins.’ His face lit up as he ruffled Mina’s shiny hair.
Clara sucked on her lower lip. He was so beautiful with kids.
He clearly loved these girls, just as he loved his sons.
And he cared about the kids in the school.
He made no distinction about whose kids they were, and she respected that so hard.
She understood his desire to go wherever his boys went.
And she also understood his desire for more.
It wasn’t just about the desire to care for them and raise them but about leaving a legacy.
Kids without his DNA wouldn’t be added to his family tree or carry on his family bloodline.
And I can’t do that with him.
Moira approached, her arms outstretched, wearing a plain white top and a pretty lilac scarf.
‘Clara. So lovely to see you here.’ She enveloped Clara in a warm hug, a faint floral scent clinging to her.
As she pulled back, she held Clara at arm’s length, her eyes twinkling.
‘I didn’t expect to see you so soon. Not that I’m complaining, of course. It’s delightful.’
‘It’s wonderful to see you too. I hope you don’t mind me crashing your family gathering.’
‘Nonsense.’ Moira patted Clara’s arm. ‘You’re always welcome in our family, sweetheart.’
Claire joined them, greeting Clara with a quick hug. ‘Hey, you, so glad you’re here.’
Before Clara could respond, some excited squeals erupted from behind them. Alisha and Mina had noticed Skye, who was wagging her tail and eagerly sniffing at their feet.
‘Aw!’ Alisha dropped to her knees to pet Skye. ‘Can we play with her?’
‘Of course,’ Clara said with a smile.
‘Come into the garden.’ Sam put his arm around his mum. ‘I’ll get your bags upstairs later. Plenty of time for that.’
‘What a beautiful place,’ Moira said as they all made their way into the garden. ‘And the view. Goodness me. It’s gorgeous.’
Skye bounded ahead, her tail wagging furiously as Alisha and Mina chased after her, their laughter ringing out like wind chimes in the warm breeze.
Sam led the way, pointing out various landmarks to his mum. Clara fell into step beside Claire, who gave her a little side hug.
‘It’s so nice to see you. It really is.’
As they reached the slightly uneven patio, Sam gestured to the seats with their plush cushions.
‘Make yourselves at home,’ he said in his deep voice. ‘Can I get anyone a drink? We’ve just had a delivery, so I can offer you pretty much everything.’
The word ‘we’ wasn’t lost on Clara, and she suspected Moira and Claire had picked up on it too, though neither reacted.
Clara would love to imagine this was the start of a whole new chapter in her life, but in reality, it was the opposite.
What she had with Sam just now felt so flimsy, she was barely able to keep hold of the remnants of it.
But she clung on for dear life, squeezing out every last second she had with him.
Sam went inside to get the drinks, and Moira leaned forward. ‘So, Clara, how have you been? How is school?’
‘Very busy. The exams start next week, and lots of pupils need some extra support. How about you? How was the drive up? It’s such a long way.’
Claire groaned dramatically. ‘It was fine except for the bit around Birmingham.’
‘That was frustrating.’ Moira shook her head. ‘It was constant stop-start for about an hour.’
Sam returned, balancing a tray of glasses. He distributed the drinks before taking a seat next to Clara, their knees brushing slightly as he settled in.
‘At least you’re all here safely now.’ He took a sip of his drink.
‘When will we see the lovely boys?’ Moira asked. ‘Alisha and Mina have many plans.’
‘Tomorrow. I’ll go and get them in the morning, and they’ll stay over until Monday for the bank holiday.
I’ve asked Olive if they can come back on Friday night to see you before you leave the day after, but she’s not sure it fits in with something she’s got planned.
But they’ll get two days together at least.’
‘That’s good they can be here on Monday for your birthday.’ Moira patted his arm.
Sam nodded.
‘And will you join us, Clara?’ Moira smiled at her.
‘I can do, yes. If—’ She glanced at Sam.
‘Of course you can.’
‘I’m not even sure what to do for your birthday,’ Moira went on. ‘What would you like to do?’
‘I don’t really know,’ Sam said. ‘Nothing too fancy.’
‘Why don’t we go to the park beside the tennis courts in Glenbriar?’ Clara suggested. ‘We could have a picnic there. It has a viewpoint, and the kids could play on the equipment there.’
‘That sounds wonderful,’ Moira said. ‘Do you like that idea, son?’
‘Absolutely. Let’s do it.’
Clara found his hand under the table and squeezed it. He glanced over at her and smiled. What she wouldn’t give for a lifetime of those smiles.
As the afternoon unfolded, Clara relaxed back into the company of Sam’s family.
It was like being back with old friends, not meeting people she’d only met once before.
Alisha and Mina, having tired themselves out chasing Skye, sprawled on a picnic blanket nearby, playing a game that involved putting on American accents.
Moira chatted about their trip, and Claire chimed in every now and then though she kept yawning.
‘Scottish air wears me out,’ she said, stifling another one.