Chapter Thirty
Sam
The rain had slowed to a gentle patter, but the tension between Sam and Clara tautened like another storm about to break.
Sam stood still, one arm holding Skye, the other resting lightly on Clara’s waist. She shivered despite still having the blanket around her.
It really would be better if they went back to the car, but he wanted to hear what she had to say.
He searched her face, willing her to just say what was obviously weighing heavily on her. ‘Clara, you’re scaring me. What is it?’
She opened her mouth, then closed it again, looking away.
‘Is it me?’ he asked. ‘The uncertainty of my life? Because I get it. It bothers me too; that’s why I called Olive.
And I’ve spoken to the boys. I want to stay here.
It might not be easy, but I don’t want to move again.
It may mean long trips to see the boys at weekends, and I know that won’t necessarily be what you want…
Or maybe… am I too old for you? I mean, you know I’m forty-six, right? And I guess that’s not—’
‘No.’ Her head snapped back towards him. Her eyes were wide with something that looked a lot like panic. ‘No, Sam, it’s not those things. I’ll help you in any way I can with your boys, and I don’t care about your age. It makes no difference to me. You’re perfect to me.’
He gave her a brief smile. ‘Well, what then?’ His heart was pounding so hard he was sure she could hear it. ‘Is it because of Kerr?’
‘No, I’d forgotten all about him. What I felt for him… well, it’s nothing compared to how I feel for you.’ She took a shaky breath, her fingers absently stroking Skye. ‘It’s just… this is hard to say.’
‘Whatever it is, I’ll listen. I can’t see that anything you have to tell me will be that bad.’
She didn’t smile. Instead, she stepped back slightly, pulling herself out of his hold and wrapping the blanket tighter around herself. ‘You remember once I told you I had women’s troubles… Nothing life threatening, but…’
‘I remember,’ he said.
‘Well, I’ve been diagnosed with premature menopause.’
Sam blinked, remembering the conversation he’d overheard between her and Lissa once where she’d said that. ‘Ok.’
‘I don’t know if you know what that means.’ She let out a soulless laugh, running a hand through her damp hair. ‘But it means I probably can’t have children. Ever. And I know how much that matters to you.’
He shook his head. ‘Clara—’
‘No, listen. I can’t let us go any further without you knowing this. If we have a future – if we’re even thinking about it – you need to know this is part of the deal. It’s unlikely I can give you kids. And I know that’s something you’ve always wanted.’
Sam stared at her, tilting his head and taking in how utterly defeated she looked. Like she’d already decided how he was going to react.
‘Clara.’ He stepped closer, still holding Skye, who was looking at her with big sad eyes. Clara didn’t move away, but her focus dropped to the ground.
Sam reached out, running a finger down her flushed cheeks; her eyes were bright with unshed tears. He leaned in and kissed them away. ‘I have a confession to make too.’
‘What?’ Her brow furrowed. ‘Don’t try to pretend it doesn’t matter to you. You already told me it did. And so did your mum.’
‘I’m not going to pretend anything. But… I overheard you once talking about premature menopause with Lissa. I didn’t think you’d want me to listen, so I went away and didn’t hear all of it. So… I’ve known for a while. And yes, it hurts and upsets me.’
She looked away again, her face pained.
‘But not for myself. For you. I already have two children. They don’t share my DNA, but they are in part what I’ve made them.
And I’m gutted for you because I understand what it’s like to have your choice taken away.
I did want more children when I was with Olive, because that seemed right at the time, but now I’m happy with Kaleb and Jacob.
I don’t need more children to make me happy.
The only person I need to make me happier… is you.’
She met his gaze and sucked on her lower lip. ‘You really mean that?’
‘Of course I do. Your happiness is so important to me. I’ll support you no matter what.’
She fell into his arms, and he held her close. ‘I’ve been so worried. I never thought anybody would want me. It’s like a curse.’
‘I want you. I love you.’ He rubbed her back. ‘You’re not cursed. Just amazing. And if things work out for us, and we find that we want a baby, we can investigate other ways.’
Warm tears trickled down her cheeks.
‘And we could always get another furry one.’ His grin broadened. ‘I’m sure Skye would like a sibling, wouldn’t you?’ He nuzzled her, and she licked his face.
Clara giggled through her tears. ‘Oh god, yes. That’s perfect. You really get me like no one else.’
He dipped in and kissed her softly. ‘My beautiful little fake date.’
‘I hope you’re not comparing me to a squished fruit again.’
‘You’ll always be that to me.’
He pulled her and Skye close, his arms enveloping them in a warm embrace. The rain had almost stopped now.
‘We should go and tell everyone,’ he said. ‘My mum will be thrilled.’
‘Oh gosh. And she’ll need to get away.’
‘Everyone is more worried about you than anything else, believe me.’
‘And you want to tell them all… right now?’
Sam nodded. ‘Sure. I think everyone is desperate for us to get together.’
‘And the boys won’t think you’re choosing me over them?’
‘I hope not, because that’s not what I’m doing. You’re all important to me in different ways, but I can only do so much. They understand that I don’t want to move again, because they don’t really want to either.’
They made their way back to Sam’s car. He stretched out his hand and took Clara’s. She linked her fingers with his, then glanced up and smiled.
‘And when we go back to Somerset, if Dominic invites us over, we won’t have to fake anything,’ he said, smirking. ‘He’ll be none the wiser about our little arrangement at Easter.’
‘So true.’
When they got into the car, he put the heater on to help her dry out. She put her head back as he started the engine, gazing out of the window.
‘Do you think your mum will be disappointed? About me not being able to have children, I mean.’
Sam furrowed his brow. ‘It’s really none of my mum’s business. Our relationship, our future – that’s between us.’
Clara nodded, but her fingers played with the hem of her damp T-shirt. ‘I guess.’
Sam reached over, taking her hand in his and giving it a squeeze. ‘My mum won’t mind. Not in the way you’re thinking. She’ll be upset for you if you choose to tell her because she cares about you. But disappointed? No.’
Moira and Claire were at the door waiting when they got back. Seeming to not care that Clara was still damp, they pulled her in for hugs.
Mina and Alisha were soon fussing over Skye and drying her out, and Kaleb and Jacob peered out of the kitchen.
‘I’m so glad you’re safe.’ Moira let go of Clara and hugged Sam. ‘Both of you.’
‘What happened?’ Claire put her hand on Clara’s shoulder as she explained how she’d been held up. As she got to the end of her story, she glanced at Sam, and he gave a one-shoulder shrug.
‘What?’ Moira looked between the two of them. ‘Did something else happen after that?’
‘Yes.’ Sam looked at Clara. ‘We got together.’
‘You did!’ Kaleb whooped. ‘My god, I knew it. Didn’t I tell you?’ He nudged Jacob, then the two of them barrelled into Sam.
‘Mum’s got a boyfriend and Dad’s got a girlfriend,’ Jacob said. ‘That’s all we need.’ He gave a theatrical eye roll that made everyone laugh.
Kaleb turned and hugged Clara. ‘Hello, wicked stepmum,’ he said. The laughter increased.
‘Let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves,’ Sam said.
‘This is the best news.’ Claire engulfed both Sam and Clara in a tight hug. ‘I’m so happy for you both.’
‘Yes, this is wonderful.’ Moira came over to join the hug, her eyes a little shiny. ‘I can’t imagine a more precious and wonderful girl for my boy, and I just know you’re going to be so happy together.’
Sam linked eyes with Clara and smiled. Yes. His mum was right. As always. And really, he was delighted about it.