Chapter 2
Eliza
Every year I spend New Year’s Eve with my best friends, Liv, Hannah, and Zoey, and as they’ve entered relationships, it’s grown to include their significant others.
What I didn’t expect about this year’s celebration was that I’d be writing down a manifestation to lose my virginity or that I’d be ending the night with my lips pressed to the hot goalie that plays for the rec hockey team all my friends’ significant others play for.
I’m still in a daze as Mac puts distance between us and my friends descend on us calling, “Happy New Year!”
Even as he backs away and my friends wrap their arms around me, I can’t take my eyes off of him. The way his hand splayed over my lower back, holding me to him, is burned into my skin.
I may be a virgin, but I’ve kissed guys before.
However, none of them filled me with heat the way kissing Mac did.
When I finally pull away from my friends for a breather, I notice Mac is nowhere to be seen.
Something niggles in my brain, wondering if I’m the reason he left.
Was kissing me really so bad that he needed to escape?
I’m too tired to drive back to my apartment in the city, so Zoey offers me a room to crash in. Thankfully, it’s at the opposite end of the hall from her and Matt, because the last thing I want is to hear the two of them.
When I wake up in the morning, Matt and Zoey are already downstairs in the kitchen. Zoey bounces Jayden, Matt’s six-month-old, as she walks around the kitchen. Spotting me, she waves his little hand in my direction and says, “Good morning.”
I smile and lean against the kitchen island. “Good morning.”
Jayden babbles something, and Zoey enthusiastically agrees before returning her attention to me.
“How’d you sleep?”
I shrug. “Fine. Not like sleeping in my own bed, but a good alternative.”
Zoey passes me a cup of coffee, and I take a sip of the bitter drink.
“Maybe you should find yourself waking up in more beds that aren’t your own,” she says, causing me to nearly spit my coffee out and Matt to look at her over his shoulder and shake his head slightly.
“I’m not entirely sure what you could mean by that,” I say, wiping my mouth.
Jayden starts fussing, and she begins pacing, her eyes staying on me.
“You know exactly what I mean. You need to get laid.”
As close as I am with Zoey, and all my friends, I haven’t told them I’ve never had sex.
I’m twenty-six, but with how conservative my parents were growing up, it was a topic we never discussed.
My parents didn’t even have the sex talk with me as a kid.
I’m sure they would have been perfectly happy putting me in a chastity belt.
Everything I’ve learned has been from the internet and from my friends who are all very comfortable sharing about their sex lives.
It took a lot once I got to college to start becoming comfortable being around those conversations.
Even now, I’m more of an observer than a participant in them.
I still feel weird discussing my own sex life, or lack thereof.
I nod and stare into my coffee cup. “Sure, Zo.”
Thankfully, Matt moves the conversation along by announcing that breakfast is ready. I excuse myself and Zoey tries to convince me to stay, but I feed her some line about needing to head home and shower before meeting my parents and sneak out.
I’m not meeting my parents today, but as much as I love my friends, being in a house full of adults and kids yesterday was mentally and emotionally draining. My social battery is basically on empty, and I need to curl up on my couch and recharge.
Stepping into my apartment, I take it all in.
The small stack of dishes in the sink, the full laundry hamper I left beside the washer as a reminder to myself for when I got home today, and the water bottles on the counter because I need to take the recycling out.
I bypass it all, dropping my purse on the counter and sinking into the couch, closing my eyes.
The silence is too much after a minute, and I turn the TV on, pulling up my music app and selecting a playlist. I melt deeper into the couch, letting it eat me as I just lie here.
I’m grateful today is a Sunday and that tomorrow is the holiday. I know I’m going to need two days to decompress and maybe accomplish some of the tasks I need to do before heading into work on Tuesday.
I may seem extremely organized on the outside, and I am when it comes to certain things like work, but home is where I let myself relax.
When it all becomes too much and I need to hide from people and all the outside things, I curl up with a book and a blanket on my couch.
If I really need to rot, it’s a movie or TV show I’ve seen a million times and doom scrolling on my phone or a mindless game.
Over the years I've learned how to tell when my social battery is drained and I need to start pulling back from spending a lot of time out. It comes in waves and really depends on how everything in my life is going.
My phone buzzes, and I ignore it, keeping my eyes closed as I enjoy the feeling of being surrounded by pillows and blankets.
It buzzes a few more times, and I finally check it.
It’s the group chat with the girls. Olivia has sent us all the schedule of the rec games over the next two weeks.
I’m not sure why she still sends it to the group chat when Zoey, Hannah, and Bailey are all in relationships with men on the team. I’m the only one who isn’t.
I quickly put the dates into my phone and text back that I’ll let them know which ones I can make before turning my phone on to do not disturb and putting on a show. I muster just enough energy to throw a load in the laundry and then climb back into my nest on the couch.
I don’t know how many episodes I’ve watched when my phone rings. I’ve set my DND to let phone calls through because people rarely call me unless they really need to get a hold of me.
Hannah’s contact fills the screen, and I answer.
“Hey.”
“Hey, I just thought I’d check in. I know yesterday was a lot of peopling for you, with your work thing earlier in the day and then everyone at Matt and Zoey’s.”
“I’m choosing to rot on my couch right now.”
Hannah hums in response. “Well, let me know if you need anything. We’d love to see you at the game on Tuesday if you’re feeling up for it.”
“I don’t get how you guys enjoy spending so much time at the rink,” I muse.
“It’s great foreplay for Grayson and me. I get to watch him be all hot on the ice, he’s all ramped up when we get home. It’s the perfect combo.”
“And to think this time last year you hated the man,” I joke.
“Yeah, well, a lot’s changed in the last year.
What did you end up writing on your new year’s manifestation paper?
” she asks, her mocking tone about manifestation coming through.
I’m still not sure how I feel about this whole thing, but I also don’t want to risk it by putting the words out in the universe.
I want to see how the next year plays out.
“Liv said not to tell, and you know that girl will suss it out if we spill.” I can mentally see Hannah rolling her eyes. “When do you guys go back to work?” I ask, and she sighs.
“We go back on Wednesday. Grayson’s happy to be going back to day shifts at the hospital.”
Silence fills the line, but it’s not awkward. The girls are the only people I’m okay sitting on the phone in silence with. If it’s anyone else, my skin crawls and my brain immediately starts looking at ways to fill the empty space.
“What’s the comfort show of the moment?” she asks, reminding me of just how much she knows me.
“Brooklyn Nine-Nine.”
“Ohhhh, which season?”
We fall into easy conversation about the show, queuing it up to watch at the same time before she says Grayson’s home and we end the call.
My mind wanders back to last night, to the kiss with Mac. My fingers dust over my lips as the memory replays over and over in my mind.