Chapter 54
Mac
Hunched over on my couch, I stare at the ring inside the box.
I had thought that if I simply had a chance to talk to Eliza, she’d see how much I love her and give us a shot.
We shared so many great memories over the last six months, or at least I had thought we had.
When I stop and try to pick out my top favourite memories in my life, she’s now in most of them.
I close the ring box and move to my office and pull out of a box the canvas that Eliza painted while we were in London.
I had them shipped here so we could keep them forever.
I know I should give her the one she painted, but I’m not sure I can.
It’s one thing I can keep as memento of our time together.
Next, I pull out the one I painted of her.
It doesn’t quite do her justice; there’s an aspect of her you can capture on canvas or in a photograph.
It’s something you have to be in her presence to experience.
I take the canvases into the living room and find two empty spots on the wall and hang them both.
I want them to have a permanent home on the walls of this flat, and wherever I may go next.
I’m staring at them and almost miss the sound of the front door opening.
When I turn to look, my mouth opens, but I don’t say anything.
Eliza is standing in my flat with her blanket hanging off one arm while she holds takeaway in the other.
“Hi,” she says meekly.
“Hi,” I say, a smile pulling at my mouth. “Come in, please.”
She closes the door and walks farther into the flat, putting the takeaway on the table and holding both arms in front of her.
“I was...” She looks away for a few seconds before her eyes come back to me. “I was hoping we could talk.”
“Yeah. Yeah, of course.” I rush to the table and pull out a chair for her. She smiles at me over her shoulder, and for a pinch of a second, I feel as though we’re back to how we were just a week ago. I take the seat next to her and fight the urge to reach out for her hand.
“I’m sorry for rushing out earlier,” she starts and takes a deep breath.
“I hate change, and I’ve lived in the predictable box of my life for so long and I liked it.
When we started our arrangement, it fell into predictable, six months and done and I could go back to my life.
But it wasn’t that simple. Instead, you had to complicate things by making me fall in love with you, and it threw my world off axis.
I had built myself up to tell you the night after the gala, and then your father showed up and well, you know the rest. I think I let myself dwell on all of that because it meant I could go back to predictable and safe, but I don’t think I want that anymore.
” She wipes at her tears and takes another deep breath.
“Hannah asked me to think of my favourite memory over the last six months, and I immediately pictured myself here with you, and when I tried to think of more of my favourite memories they all circled back to you. When I think of what I want to see in my future, you’re there too.
I don’t want predictable and safe anymore if it doesn’t include you.
” Wiping at her eyes again, she laughs softly.
“And look at me sitting here in your kitchen making a mess of myself.”
“You love me,” is the only thing I seem to be able to say.
She nods. “So much. Like I haven’t slept in days because I can’t sleep without you in love with you.”
I slide off my chair and onto my knees in front of her, capturing her hand between mine.
“I’m so in love with you that when you walked away and I thought I’d lost you I had considered moving, but not to London, to any city but here and London because they both had too many reminders of you.
You are the best thing to ever happen to me, and I don’t want to picture my life without you in it.
” I kiss the back of her hands, and she moves them to frame my face as she leans forward, her mouth mere inches from mine.
“I love you,” she whispers, and I close the distance between us and kiss her. Her entire body seems to relax as I continue to kiss her, my hand cupping her jaw as she leans closer.
When we break the kiss, she leans her forehead against mine and lets out a slow breath. “I don’t think I’m ready to get married, though,” she says.
I push her hair behind her ear and smile at her. “We can do a long engagement if that’s what you want, but I need you to know I’m in this and I’m not going anywhere without you.”
I lean forward and lightly press my lips to hers, my thumb brushing her cheek as I try to wrap my head around her being back here and everything she just confessed.
I stand and take her with me, leading her to the couch.
Instead of her sitting beside me, I pull her onto my lap, needing to hold her and have her as close as possible.
She wraps her arms around my neck, and we stay like that, time escaping me, and it feels like this is the first time since London my nervous system is calm and a feeling of home as wrapped around me. I bury my face in her neck and breath her in.
I’m nearly asleep when she pulls away and looks down at me.
“Can I stay here tonight?” she asks.
I cup both sides of her face. “You can stay here whenever and for however long you’d like.”
She leans back down, and I wrap my arms around her, holding her to me as tight as possible. We eventually make our way to bed, the food she brought completely forgotten, and for the first time in a week, I have a restful night's sleep.