Chapter 12
Fallon
It didn't matter that a blasphemous Godd was shoving a cloak pin into my heel. It would pass. The pain had to pass. After a quick swig of the emergency potion I kept in my pocket, I insisted on walking down the mountain because I had to prove to myself I was fine. There was nothing out of the ordinary when you just came all over your best friend’s temple without him touching you.
Disbelief lingered even as the brain fog hovered.
The pain eased a bit. The fog parted long enough for me to recognize that I had reached my limit, closing over my head again to make me stumble in the snow.
I hated this most of all. The lack of control over my mind, the mistakes it made for me.
Declan buried his furry body in the drift, scooping right between my legs until I sat on his shoulders.
“I can walk.”
You can, but we’re going to get there at midnight and I’m cold.
I didn’t want to be selfish if the wind was too bitter. “For you,” I said, keeping my grumble to myself.
But he didn’t feel cold. His soft fur radiated heat that helped the ache of sitting on that stone floor for too long, after my bones had melted to jelly and struggled to restructure themselves.
I wouldn't lie to myself and say what occurred in the cave, no matter how it happened, wasn’t the hottest non-sex I’d ever had.
Or that lying against him didn’t settle something just right, but Declan’s confession also made me feel like I took advantage.
Which was crazy because he was a grown-ass adult, but I watched others abuse his good nature to the point the Brothers of Zophiel virtually held him prisoner. I wouldn’t exploit him.
I needed to remember this was a fake mating, that Declan proposed out of the goodness of his heart.
His virgin heart. That happened to turn me into a quivering mess.
It didn’t matter. My body wasn’t cooperating with existence anyway.
I just needed to go to sleep and it would hopefully reset tomorrow.
Declan padded back into the house to a chorus of nosy siblings who wanted to know every detail of what happened at the temple.
He shifted to take their questions, subtly placing himself between them and me.
My brain panicked as the fog rolled back in, making everything move in slow motion.
I think I squeezed Declan’s wrist hard enough to rub bones together.
His smile was the only thing that penetrated the haze.
I hated not being able to defend myself.
Declan deftly threaded through the conversation, managing to make it sound interesting, but leaving out every drop of the intimate moment we shared.
It was still too much. I needed to sleep.
Without thinking, I stumbled to his room, searching for my remaining belongings.
My temper spiked as I hunted for something to sleep in. Where was it?
“What are you looking for?”
I startled as I got an eyeful of hard flesh and snapped my gaze back down to my bag. Overwhelm boiled my anger.
“I nearly fell off a cliff. Destroyed your… h-house. I can't see you naked right now.”
He pranced over to the other side of his room, swirling the window curtain around himself.
“I’m decent for your sudden human modesty.” In my own room, he didn't add. I heard it anyway. “This has never been a problem before. If you’re going to sleep here, you're going to have to make friends with my dick because he exists just like the rest of me.”
Apparently, he didn’t need it to make me a mess.
“Oh, am I? What, are we supposed to shake hands? I should just sleep somewhere else.”
“Momma’s already suspicious you wanted to sleep apart from me.
I wouldn’t push your luck if you want her to continue.
Besides, acquainting each other with our bodies is perfectly normal in the shifter world.
A downright friendly thing to do, even. You just have to catch up with the rest of us since you didn’t grow up here. ”
That was just ridiculous. But then, no more ridiculous than getting off without touching each other. I couldn’t navigate our complex relationship at the moment, so something stupid popped out of my mouth.
At the end of my tether, I shouted, “Well, go on. Show it to me then!”
He let the curtain slip, hands going to the cut of his trim hips in an automatic gesture.
I let myself look. Really see this time.
A puff of air ghosted my lips. My mind suddenly became crystal-clear and looped on the thing in front of me.
The longer I didn’t say anything, the harder he got.
My hands knotted in my lap. How was I supposed to sleep with that next to me?
My heart rate picked up in alarm. Was running out of the room screaming an option?
Declan’s voice came out watery. “You can just say if it’s ugly or small.”
“Sm-small?”
What would that thing possibly fit into? Because it couldn’t be me. He stepped closer in a haze of my scattered thoughts.
“You’ve seen it before.”
I looked at him in outrage. “I’ve kept my eyes above the waist like a civil human being.”
It always seemed rude to stare at his body when he couldn’t help it with his shift. So even though I had actually seen all of him a thousand times, I never really registered what he was packing.
“You can touch it. If you want.”
I what?
“Declan.” My face flushed, my hand lifting reflexively from my lap at the suggestion.
I had never wanted to shake hands with something more.
Hadn’t he said words about mates touching each other?
That must have been it. Even if we were fake mates, my brain tried to check this box. “That thing could start a girthquake.”
His wolf whined and broke the snake charm that held me captive. Panic washed over me. I needed to sleep, actually sleep, not flop around thinking about his dick.
“I need to get you pajamas if we’re doing this.” My pack had to have something. Anything. I would make him wear the bag if I had to. “Sleeping, I mean. In a bed. In a bed together. One bed.”
Goddsdamnit. I knew how words worked. They just failed me when the brain fog rolled in. That was it. How did I hear his wolf’s tail wagging furiously when he wasn’t sporting it? I ripped something out of the bag and shoved a bunch of cloth over his head with more force than was necessary.
Somehow he stood in one of my nightgowns and his nose twitched. “What is this?”
I smoothed it down, a futile gesture to make it look less ridiculous. “You don’t seem to have any nightclothes.”
He shrugged. “Well, I don’t. I don’t sleep in clothes.”
I blinked hard at that statement, even though it made sense for a shifter. He couldn’t be naked while I was in his bed. I couldn’t handle it.
“It’s something.” Anything to keep my sanity intact.
It had frills and a ‘v’ neckline that showed off an indecent amount of his chest. The floral fabric stopped just above his knee, his nicely rounded calves bare.
I would manage his pecs. I had to. Except he stuffed it against his nose, inhaling deeply, clutching it as if he was suddenly in love with it.
“Thank you, Honey.”
Okay, it wasn’t as chilling as I hoped when the ruffles flirted with his lean biceps and thighs. I shook myself. Closing my eyes. I didn’t care. I took up an extra blanket to cocoon myself as Declan eased himself onto the other side of the bed.
“Comfortable?”
I was already sweating, so… no. “Perfectly.”
He settled in behind me and I had to poke an arm out for some sort of ventilation.
Declan took that as permission to grab my hand, threading his long fingers through mine.
My wrist flexing to tug it back only adjusted his grip tighter.
I huffed. There was no winning an arm-wrestling match with a shifter.
As we settled into sleep, in the most awkward position possible, my eyes roved over his vast collection of romance novels, which reminded me that inexperience didn't exactly equate to innocence.
I had never slept so well. I snuggled down into the mattress, dreams reaching back for me.
A small tightening of my blanket and I pushed back into the weight covering me like a balm.
My hips moved on their own, chasing a fragment of sleep and a bone-deep pleasure making me desperate.
Declan moaned behind me and I bolted straight up.
Looking down, his eyes were still closed, his cheeks flushed, my nightgown stuffed in his mouth.
The boundaries of our friendship slowly tightened like a noose. I had never left a bed so fast, or been so grateful for a washroom door. I stretched out and applied a warm compress to my wrists and knees, not thinking, praying he was still asleep on the other side.
Luckily, my potions hadn’t blown up in the mishap, so I was feeling relatively normal as I made my way into the kitchen.
This was what I was here for, Declan’s distractions aside. Not Ned’s distraction though. He flopped his big block head on my thigh and let me stroke his petal-soft ears. His sneeze marked the end of him deigning to console me.
Anise padded into the kitchen to find me at the dark, scarred table. I had lit the stove, but only to make tea. The warmth of the cup kept my hands limber. The ever-shifting patterns of the light spattering through the lace curtains and across the table helped me wait.
“Tali. No feast for me to try?”
No borrowing trouble today. I wouldn’t strive or pre-empt. “I’m here to learn.” So what if her kitchen felt cluttered and disorganized to me? There was clearly something I was missing here and I was going to find out what it was.
She let out a small laugh before her face turned somber. Anise made herself a cup of tea and joined me at the table. “I have to apologize about the room.”