Chapter 18 #2
We both did once I grew satisfied that I had made some progress on the shards sticking out of her skin. I awoke to her bright cinnamon eyes staring at me, my face healed and some of her misery lessened.
“You’re big again. Or did I get smaller?”
Noreen, bring what you have. I put all the command of the pack behind it.
I checked every inch of her and pulled the blankets over her as I went to protect her modesty, since she valued it so highly.
“Why am I naked?”
Noreen burst through the door at speed, bottles in hand, a strange-looking hooked instrument in the mix.
Fallon retreated further into my fur. “What’s happening? Why did you summon a healer?” Her rising panic bristled it to cover her.
I nuzzled against her cheek. You passed out, Fallon.
“I WHAT?!” she screeched and every wolf in the house ducked their heads. Fallon clutched the blankets up to her neck.
She’ll check how you’re doing.
I expected her fear to recede, but it only doubled.
She pointed at the instrument. “No way. Not with that thing.”
Noreen put it down on the floor. “I’m just going to take your pulse first.”
Fallon’s grip on my fur turned desperate. “Not a chance, lady.”
Noreen moved forward anyway. Emotions not my own flooded me and I acted before I thought.
I stood on the bed and everyone backed up.
My platter-sized paws hit the floor, teeth bared.
Half of me still on the bed hid Fallon from view.
The other half had teeth and claws ready.
I couldn’t stop the rumble in my chest. If my mate didn’t like it. I didn’t like it.
MINE. My growl bowed every head, shaking the room.
“Pulse seems great!” Noreen squeaked.
Fallon looked at me with a stunned expression, blanket still at her neck.
You’d take my side?
I chuffed. I’ll tear her apart for you.
She patted my haunch, some of her fear receding. Okay, wolf of the North. Settle down.
My butt plopped on the floor next to the bed, wagging, turning my head to her.
Give me a second to get my bearings. I’ve never passed out before.
I flopped my head onto the comforter and let Fallon gather her courage as she petted my oversized snout. Pride swelled in my heart when she turned to Noreen. “What happened?”
“I want to say first, you’re very brave, Fallon. Not many people…” Noreen trailed off.
I didn’t blame her. Even if I hadn’t been able to experience Fallon’s emotions, I knew she didn’t think she deserved that kind of praise for anything. I would spend my existence proving her wrong if she let me.
Noreen cleared her throat. “Well, just facts then. It’s the second stage. You pushed too hard and passed out in the kitchen. At least drink this to boost you while you go through the transition.”
Leave it on the side table, I told Noreen. Fallon would decide whether she wanted it.
“What is it?” Fallon didn’t reach for the bottle.
I’m not an experiment, she said. I wasn’t sure if she meant for me to hear that. The thread of fear in our bond made me pause. If anyone had made her feel that way, their life would be forfeit.
“Not a cure or anything. It’s just void berry extract with some calcane root to help with the pain; remove the outward growths. Though I see Declan did a pretty good job.”
Fallon still didn’t move as Noreen left the bottle.
“Thank you,” she said and Noreen retreated again.
Fallon rolled over, pulling the blanket up, turning away from everyone.
My eyes glowed into the room. Leave now, please. I will call you if we need anything.
Fallon hunched tighter into a ball. I slipped my muzzle onto her hip and she freed a hand to stroke it.
That was a good sign. At least she would interact with me because even though I was worried, I was also mad as a basket full of murder hornets.
She was going to account for keeping this secret.
We told each other everything. We were a team long before we were fake mates.
All that time I could have been hurting her or helping her.
I shifted and crawled to her side of the bed. Nudging the blanket away, I looked her straight in the eye.
“Why didn’t you tell me, Honey?”
Her shrug was infuriating. “I’m more than this.”
Anger and fear made me blunt. “Of course you are, but ‘this’ is also a big part of who you are.”
“I didn’t want to bore you with my long history of rejection. You tend to stop telling people when you get hit for it.”
I bristled in every direction. “Who hit you?”
Her little huff warmed me. “Metaphorically, Declan. Besides, there’s nothing to do about it.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “It seems like there is. But that would involve you not being a stubborn ass.”
She sat up. “What would you know about it?”
I leaned forward, teeth clenched. “Nothing, obviously, since you didn’t tell me. You didn’t trust me?”
Fallon threw her hands up. “What part of there’s nothing to do about it don’t you understand? Your optimism won’t magically make it better.”
She didn’t know what I could do with Old Magic and maybe it was both our faults for keeping secrets.
“I can turn you. If you want.” The Old Magic would allow me to petition the change.
Fallon sat stunned for a second. Her hands were too tender to knot in the blankets, but they twitched anyway. “Into a wolf?”
“No. Into a chompy chicken.”
Her frown didn’t appreciate my sarcasm. “You’re crazy.”
“It’s a better plan than ‘work Fallon into an early grave.’ It’s not like we wolves don’t experience pain. We still have bad days, but there are perks to your wolf form.”
“Like what? Head pats and dog treats?” she said.
Her grumpiness at my suggestion only made me dig in harder. I narrowed my eyes at her condescension and reminded myself that fear made her salty. But I would fight for her, even against herself.
“You must be thinking of Ned. I meant that the pace is different here. The expectations. No one cares if you sleep in front of the fire all day. That’s considered a full day of living.
The hardest surface feels like heaven to rest on.
Momma tried to get us floor beds once but we just slept on the hardwood.
Four legs provide more stability on bad days.
And the rest of the pack will always be there to help. ”
She shook her head before I had even finished. “This is who I am. I don’t know if I can live with someone else in my head. The way Evie describes it is terrifying. I hate not being in control. This is out of control enough.” She gestured down her body.
“It’s not like that for me. The Old Magic brings us closer together, like it used to be. I am my wolf and my wolf is me.”
The fear in her eyes leaked through the bond.
I didn’t quite understand, but then I had been a wolf all my life.
She just didn’t have the experience to know I was right.
Running in the woods, curling up by the fire, finding a nice den to take a nap, the life of a wolf was the ultimate control.
It also didn't hurt to have a murder pack of giant wolves at your back.
“There’s no quick solve for this.” She lifted her wrist.
My head dipped from side to side in denial. “I’m not saying that.”
I knew I wouldn’t cure her, but she didn’t seem to comprehend that my soul was on the line.
The flip side of loving her was the terror of losing her.
She was my everything. The sun and the stars could fade to nothing and I would still be left wanting her.
I would do anything in my power to help her.
If she let me. Sometimes her stubbornness made me want to tear my hair out. I needed to breathe.
“Forget I asked. I’ll let you get some sleep.” I stood and made for the door.
She pushed the blankets down. “Declan.”
I opened the door, emotions boiling in me, stopping any further conversation.
“Dec.”
Disappointment flooded me. There was no way forward for us. Honey would never stop and I had no wish to stop her. She would kill herself with something as unimportant as work and there was nothing to do about it.
I shifted and ran out into the howling winter night.