Chapter 22 #2
“Sorry. That’s not what I meant. You’re just so sweet, Dec.
And someone would have known. How could you be a King and keep it from us?
” Her eyes roved back and forth like she replayed every moment of the last few years between us.
Tears shimmered in Fallon’s eyes. “Was any of it real? Were you even our friend? Or were you just passing time with us commoners?”
Noth would have her skin for calling him a commoner, but I took her point. My answers came controlled, soft. I might be on my knees but I wouldn’t plead with her.
“The crown had to be set aside when I left. I wanted to be more than a King of the Harrowlands as I searched. What I said was true. I needed to find myself in the wider world and I wasn’t ready for the crown.”
“Why would y-” Her sentence choked off. Her gaze went to her lap. The answer made her blush. “For me, Dec?”
My hands drifted down her arms and I pushed all the sincerity I had across the bond. “I would do anything, even take up the crown for you.”
“You made this sound like it was going to be a light-hearted adventure. I wouldn’t have asked you if it would trap you here.”
“Which is why I didn’t tell you. You deserve to know your magic fully.”
Her expression grew fierce. “At the cost of my heart? I thought you were coming back with me. Maybe we would live together. I certainly planned on having you around to FUCK!”
I shrank at her dirty language. Her shout pinned back every ear in the room.
“Would it be so bad for you to stay?”
This was Fallon so she vibrated with outrage. “And if I stayed, what did you think I would be?”
“My Alpha. My Queen.”
She threw up her hands, frustration in every line of her body. “Do I look like a Queen to you?”
“Yes! Of course. I’ve seen you even when you can’t see yourself.”
Her indignation would have been comical in any other situation.
Momma had her arms crossed over her chest but she at least contributed something helpful. “The pack agrees. Another powerful feastweaver will only add to Nightfell. Keep us safer.”
Fallon swallowed hard on some knowledge only they communicated.
“That’s madness. Anything I deserve comes from hard work. This. This, I don’t. Declan. You’re… you’re…” Her words died.
I don't love you on accident, Honey.
She needed to understand. My hands stroked her face as I reached deeper into our bond so I could whisper the words to only her.
Fallon. I have loved you since the light echoed in the dark.
No weakness you think you have could turn you from me.
No burden you think you impose is too great for my shoulders.
Her breath caught. Her hands shook. Terror skittered across the bond. My fear came to life. I pushed her too far. Too much of my soul crossed the bond and she didn’t feel the same. I wanted to howl into the wood. The wolf, the monster inside me, paced its cage.
“I can’t carry that. If you’re King, you need someone…” She flapped her hands. “Not me! A Queen is strong and capable.”
“You’re all that and more.”
But I saw I had already lost. It wasn’t that I was King–well, it was, but the lure of her talent, her friends, the Harrowlands itself was too great when she didn’t see herself as my Queen.
I understood. It was why I left here in the first place.
Our love was too new, and no Fate could hem Fallon in. That’s what I loved about her.
I released her hands to give her room to think, even if I didn’t like the answer. Her foot moved a mile a minute, tapping out our doom on the kitchen floor.
She sprang up from the chair, air wheezing in and out of her lungs in panic. “I can't stay here. I need to get back to Evie. They have to take me back now.”
I wanted to fight for her. I wanted to claw and scream that she could never leave. But I would crush her with my love. She needed to be happy, even if I might not be. My calm would have to serve both of us, even as my heart was breaking. “I know.”
“I need to show them I can work harder for them.”
Fallon had never felt further away. I would send word to Evie. She would convince my mate to take care of herself.
I put my arm around her and guided her back into our room. “I know, Honey. You will be brilliant.”
“What about you? This?” she asked. Fear, sadness, terror, anxiety flickered in a staccato beat across the bond.
“I will be fine. I don't own you, my love. If it’s not our lifetime to be together, I will wait for you for a thousand lifetimes if you need me to.”
Her expression was so torn, it broke me all over again.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I lo–I.” She couldn’t say it even though I sensed it swimming along with all the other emotions in the bond.
That was a bitter herb. But then, I hadn’t convinced her of her real worth. Of our worth together. She thought we were playing a game when I was playing for keeps.
The monster inside me tried to surface, dragging uncharitable relief with him. If she left, I wouldn’t have to see her kill herself with the impossible standards she held herself to.
“I’ll help you get packed and walk you to the border tomorrow morning.”
The door to our room closed with the sound of a death knell.