Chapter 27
Declan
Icollapsed into my mother's arms, even though I knew I should be the one carrying her out of that underground hell.
I didn't know how I would survive without Fallon by my side. All my grand ambitions of nobly standing out of her way to let her live her life fell to pieces when she actually stepped through Severin’s portal.
My sobs broke into her shoulder. “I’m so sorry I lied.”
I did check if they hurt her and other than still existing in her nightgown, her shifter healing had dealt with the minor scrapes and bruises. Momma’s steady presence helped me through the tunnels as I clung to her.
“I taught you better than that, bardeva. You only lied to yourself, Declan.”
“I shouldn't have pushed her to accept Noreen's help. If I made her days easier and gotten her to smile more. Why didn't I take her to the lake, or show her the temple at sunset? I should have taught her the recipe for Juju ham, or let her stick me in the oven instead. Momma? I couldn’t risk the pack, but what have I done?”
As we moved up into the crisp night air, she grabbed my face with all the strength in her body. “You kept us safe. You returned our magic. She left because she felt scared, not because you weren't happy enough. You are perfect as you are. Stupid, but perfect. She will return.”
She released my smooshed cheeks. If Fallon could stand existing this long without me, I didn't think she would. I took another heavy step toward home.
My voice came out small. “I did it again.”
Momma spun me around so fast, my head swam with grief and rage. “You forced your father to leave because of me. It was the best thing you ever did. I broke our bond with the Old Magic when I severed my mate bond. You were only trying to protect me.”
“Maybe I should have stayed to recall the Old Magic instead of finding a solution out in the world.”
She shook her head slowly, smoothing my hair down like I was a child.
“You weren’t ready to take up the crown when he left the territory.
It might not have responded to you even if you had tried.
You are ready now. You've turned into the man I always hoped you would be, and look at the result.
I'm glad you didn't let even me stand in your way when you had to leave this place to become that man.
Your mate will return to you. Not just because you're Fated to be together, but because you are a kind and loving wolf who has so much to offer.”
I didn't know how that was true when I was shattering into a million pieces. I was worse than nothing without my mate–I was a monster. All of that doubt and rage and pain broke me down until I couldn't suppress the voice slinking through the back of my head. I pushed Momma into Briggs’ arms, stumbling away from them. They shouldn’t see the truth of me.
I wasn’t strong like Noth, or noble like Ward. I just wanted my Honey.
“Please get them home safely,” I asked my sister.
“Dec, wait! We need you.”
Our woods were comforting as I ran. The scents of pine, the rustle of snow on branches, the taste of life holding its breath for spring to arrive.
Old Magic filled me to bursting. My bones cracked and grew.
My muzzle descended into a nightmare of teeth.
Any human part of my shifter nature crumbled as I became the thing every pack member would be without the Old Magic, without me as their Alpha.
It was better this way. I would watch over my pack without them having to look upon my grief.
Ned raced beside me, faithful until the end. He tried to herd me back to Nightfell, but the monster in me knew no master. I ran faster, trying to outpace him, scare him away and still he kept on coming, a little ball of sunshine in the increasingly black and white forest.
Winter rose to greet me. Tendrils of icy wind ruffled through my fur until I no longer had a pelt.
I headed to the deepest part of the forest where my people daren’t tread.
The heart of Old Magic beat strongest here.
The trees bleached of color. Giant hares left trails where they burrowed beneath the snows.
Wassets hunted in the night. Ice wraiths wailed their mournful songs to the snowbirds dressed in their finest grey and white.
Not even Ned presenting a squirrel at my feet cracked the ice forming around my heart. I nudged it back to him, barking at him to leave. He bowed to me as if this were a great game.
Then he barked right back until we were in some sort of demented competition to see who could be the loudest until my voice cracked like thunder across the wood and even Ned was silenced. My best boy shook with the force of it and my heart submerged into an icy brine.
All the racket brought out the stranger parts of the Old Wood.
A great, shaggy Koguhpuk led with its gigantic curving tusks, peeking from its burrow, ready to defend its territory.
Its large, toothy grin didn’t hide the exposed intestines it dragged out of its hole in a nauseating display of dominance.
Hurt and angry, this was the first time I’d ever felt mean.
Stomping square feet meant nothing but a challenge.
What good was my kindness without Honey?
That was how the rest of the Kings and Queens of the Harrowlands ruled–with fear and strength, right?
Some part of me recognized I was turning Ajak. Most of me didn’t care.
I chuffed out a warning despite my resolve and the Koguhpuk charged forward.
There wasn’t any more rational thought. I was just a monster without her.
Those tusks met my side and the pain barely registered.
I was already full of it. But the blood in my mouth, the dying squeals of the creature who dared harm me, spread a blank kind of soothing over my mind.
Ned whined below me. He was so far away now, or I had grown. I tossed the carcass of the Koguhpuk from me, hearing its bones rattle in the dead silence of the forest.
My claws dug into the earth. My teeth met the bark of the trees.
I released my rage upon the forestland. A Stavian elk took flight and the thrill of the chase filled me.
I hungered for more blood, more destruction.
The elk fell to my claws and I feasted in giant, messy gulps.
I needed more to elude these emotions. More to fill the endless void.
Animals took to their burrows. The moon hid behind a skirt of clouds. Even the wind died to escape my notice. The forest shuddered under my wrath.
I would be the face of winter, the coming of the storm, the whisper of death itself. For if I couldn't be Honey's light, then I would be darkness itself.