Chapter 11
Chapter
Eleven
Eli
I felt defeated. My last few studio sessions were horrible.
With everything that was going on, I wasn’t in the headspace to record songs about love.
That was the only bad thing about the way I worked.
I only recorded what felt good to me in that moment, and in this moment, singing about love disgusted me.
Unfortunately, I was having a hard time hiding that disgust in my voice.
Disgust for love. Disgust for men. Disgust for best friends who did you wrong in the end.
“I just need a little break,” I said, removing the headphones and standing up from the stool.
Wayne, my producer, bobbed his head. With a long sigh, I pulled my phone out to do an order at the dispensary at the beach and saw that I had missed calls from Isaac, Falcon, and Natasha’s mother.
For a brief moment, I forgot I hated Natasha and feared something was wrong with her.
I decided to call Falcon back first because I figured that would be the quickest conversation.
He probably was calling to make sure we were good after I left the photo shoot so abruptly this afternoon.
My pussy was wet as hell, and my heart was having trouble understanding Falcon wasn’t ours to keep.
I needed distance to remind myself that I’d just gotten out of a toxic ass relationship and had no business acting like I was in a forbidden romance novel.
“Hi,” I said after he answered the call.
“Wassup, Smiley?”
“Why do you call me that?”
“Have you seen your smile? Fucking beautiful.”
Blushing, I squeezed the back of my neck. “Thanks, Falcon. Is everything okay?”
“Yeah. I was just calling to make sure you were good.”
Sighing, I stepped out of the booth and made my way over to the love seat in the dark corner where I’d littered the small table with candles.
“I’m okay. Struggling at the studio. I can’t . . .” Chuckling, I shook my head as I leaned back. “I can’t sing and record love songs while my heart is broken, Fally. And that makes me feel broken.”
“You’re not broken. You’re open. Hurt can seep out, and new love can seep in.
” A sniffle escaped me, and he continued.
“I know that shit hurt you, bae, but don’t let that shit take your spirit.
Your voice. Your breath.” His words, though healing, only made me cry harder. “Where you at? Send me your location.”
I nodded as if he could see me before disconnecting the call and sending him my location.
Pulling my knees to my chest, I released silent tears while I waited for him to come.
Somehow, my heart knew him being here would make it all better.
I didn’t even bother calling Isaac or Natasha’s mom back.
Everything else could wait. In this moment, I needed to purge.
More than that, I needed to ruminate on Falcon’s words.
I couldn’t let their betrayal take my spirit.
My voice.
My breath.
I wasn’t sure how long I’d been in my dark, quiet corner, but eventually, Falcon arrived. It was cute that he had a to-go cup from Brewed in one hand and a bag from the dispensary in the other. He gave Wayne a head nod greeting before heading in my direction and sitting next to me.
“Isaac said to get you the lemon ginger tea and salt and vinegar chips from Brewed and that you only like to smoke sativa when you’re recording because it doesn’t make your throat super dry.”
“Yeah. I’m just gonna take a few puffs and sip the tea. Sometimes the rasp works with the song. I can’t say if that’ll be the case tonight because I don’t know what I’m going to record.” As I took the tea, I told him, “Thank you. Isaac didn’t give you a hard time about coming here, did he?”
“Nah. He said he felt like something might have been up with you, which was why he called. I told him I’d make sure you were okay.”
I nodded as I sipped the tea. Leaning against his shoulder, I took his hand into mine.
“Thanks again for what you said earlier. It helped a lot. You being here is a bonus.”
“Anything for you. I’m still open for that duet . . .”
“Oh God no,” I said through my laugh. “You’re phenomenal on the field, but I need you to leave the singing to me.”
Falcon laughed and ran his fingers down the corners of his mouth. “I’ma let you have that since it made you laugh.”
We sat and allowed silence to cover us. By the time I was done with the tea, just having him close had lifted my spirits. I had him light the blunt while I told Wayne what I wanted to record next.
“I don’t have clearance for either of these songs, but let’s do ‘Above and Beyond’ and ‘Speak’ by Jhené Aiko.”
While I waited for him to get the instrumentals, I rotated the blunt with Falcon and ate the chips.
It would definitely make my voice raspy, and that was what I wanted.
I wanted to sound real and raw. Once Wayne had the tracks queued, I gave Falcon a quick peck then went back in the booth.
That time, the words and emotion flowed effortlessly.
I did both songs in one take but went back over a few parts and added some stacked harmonies.
Wayne whistled under his breath as he sat back in his seat. “Yeah, we gotta get you clearance to release both of those ASAP. That rasp and the emotion . . .” He shook his head.
As I walked out of the booth, I told him, “I’m gonna call it a night, Wayne. Thanks for your patience. I know we haven’t gotten a lot done this past month but—”
“Nah.” He waved me off dismissively. “What you just laid down was worth the wait. Quality over quantity in this case.”
“Thank you.”
Falcon stared at me as I made my way over to the love seat. I smiled as I sat next to him.
“What?” I asked.
“I’m in awe of you. If this is how people feel watching me play football, I finally get it. I’ve always known you were talented, but this just made me your number one fan.”
“That felt good. I think I just had to accept the space I’m in. I felt breathless as hell, but I’m confident about what I just did.”
“Nah. That sounded phenomenal. The added runs, the rasp, the emotion. I clearly can’t say I’m speechless, but I can say I don’t think there’s anything I can say to express how impressed I am. How moved I am. How great you sounded.”
People complimented me all the time, but it never swayed me one way or the other.
Isaac would always say giving people the power to lift you up meant they also had the power to drag you down.
That kept him from caring about the opinions of others, and I’d adopted that mentality as well.
But there was something different about Falcon giving me a compliment.
I guess it was that whole . . . me admiring him and actually caring about his opinion thing.
“You keep making me blush.”
“Good. You’re too beautiful not to, and I’m always tryna see that smile.”
Before I could stop myself, I was pressing my hand against his thigh and leaning forward to kiss him.
“Falcon,” I whispered against his lips before pulling away. “You can’t . . . we can’t . . .”
“We can do whatever the fuck we want to do, Eli. For however long you want us to. You ain’t gotta hold back with me.”
“What if we don’t want it to be over this fall?”
“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. For now, I just need to know what you want from me.”
I thought about it for a while before confessing, “I just want you.” As a slow smile lifted the corners of his mouth, I lifted my hand. “But you have to understand how risky this is, Falcon. If Isaac finds out—”
“He won’t,” he interrupted me to say. “I hate lying to my friend, I do. I feel like I’m being disloyal, but for the first time in my life, choosing what and who I want means more to me.
If being loyal to the desires of my heart means I have to keep this from him, I will.
But at the end of the summer, it’ll be over. ”
A quiet warning bell went off in my mind, but my heart was compelling me in his direction.
Reminding me that he said I wasn’t broken.
My heart was open, . . . ready to release hurt and let love in.
While I wasn’t na?ve enough to believe Falcon could love me, I did trust him to make me feel better while I continued to heal.
And right now, that was more than enough.
I wasn’t surprised that Isaac was up when I made it back home, but I was surprised that he called himself waiting up for me like he was my daddy. It tickled me, but I held my laugh in as I went upstairs to my room with him trailing behind.
“You feeling better?” he questioned.
“Great. Sorry if I worried you.”
“I know I’m probably not the best person for like . . . emotional talks and shit, but I am here for you, baby sis.”
“I know, and I appreciate that. Falcon helped actually.”
He didn’t respond right away. In fact, he waited until I was opening my bedroom door to say, “Wassup with you and him? You know this shit fake, right?”
“Yes, Junior, and I don’t need you to remind me.” Before I could close the door in his face, he wrapped his hand around it.
“You can’t like him, Eli. He’s too valuable to me and the team.
If he disrespected me by going after you, that would fuck up our dynamic.
We can’t have that. No losses. No tension.
No drama. If he and I can’t work together, we can’t win.
We can’t make money. This city, the team, the fans, they depend on us to be titans.
To be successful. You can have literally any other man on this Earth, just not him or anyone else on my team. Do you understand me?”
I’d grown so used to living in my brother’s shadow that I didn’t feel like I stepped into the light until I started recording music.
For the first time in years, people didn’t see me as Isaac’s little sister.
They saw me for me. I didn’t have a lot in this world, but I had my music, my books, and my secret relationship with Falcon.
Isaac’s reminder didn’t make me want to call it off; it made me want to keep it sacred and cherish it more.
“I understand,” I said, maintaining his gaze.
He eyed me skeptically and nodded before dropping his hand so I could close the door.
With a sigh, I went to my closet and undressed before taking a shower and doing my nighttime routine.
By the time I climbed into bed, Natasha’s mom had called me again.
Seeing as it was after midnight, I figured it had to be serious, so I called her back.
What I wasn’t prepared for was to hear Natasha’s voice on the other line.
“The fuck do you keep calling me for?” I snapped.
“Will you please call Justin and hear him out? He’s constantly calling and texting me and blaming me because y’all broke up. The man is damn near harassing me because of you.”
“Nah,” I said with a chuckle. “Whatever he’s doing is because of you and him. The choice y’all made to betray me. I don’t care about him calling you or doing anything else for that matter. I’m about to block this number too. Do not call me again.”
“Eli, wait!” she yelled before I could end the call. “I’m sorry, okay? I fucked up. I never wanted to lose you. It was stupid of me to be with him. I’m so sorry, L.”
“Yeah, you are sorry. He is too. And for that reason, y’all deserve each other. Leave me the fuck out of it.”
I ended the call and quickly blocked her mom’s number.
If I didn’t have hundreds of contacts attached to this number, I’d have it changed.
I refused to let her irritate me now that I was finally in a good mood, so I looked at the unedited pictures Matthew had sent me and Falcon in a group text.
The final photos wouldn’t be ready for about a week, but I loved the unedited ones.
We looked so good together, and I looked so happy.
The last thing I wanted to do was create discord within my brother’s team, but I couldn’t deny how good I felt with Falcon.
How safe I felt with him. All I could do was pray this didn’t blow up in our face, because if I came between them and destroyed their bond and dynamic, the wrath of the Demolishers’ millions of fans would make what I was going through because of that video seem like child’s play.
I wasn’t that selfish.
I couldn’t be that selfish.
Our expiration date was this fall, and we would stand firm on that, no matter what.