Chapter 4
Four
Sean
It’s hard not to hate yourself when all you can think about is how you royally fucked up a good thing.
I won’t sit here and pretend I’m not the villain in our story.
We all know that would be a lie. But what you wouldn’t know is how Hannah tilted my world on its axis and changed everything.
What I thought I wanted was just that . . . a thought. Now all I want is her.
“Where are you going again?” I ask Aiden, hoping I can worm my way into his trip with Hannah.
“Moab, Utah. Cam and I are base jumping. Hannah’s wingsuit flying.”
“Sounds fun. I want to go,” I say, swallowing the massive lump of dread crawling up my throat at the thought of jumping from anything that high up.
“No. I’m not betraying Hannah by inviting you,” he argues, one hand on the steering wheel, his eyes flicking to his rearview mirror. “I know you want her back, but you’re gonna have to do it without me.”
He's seen pure hate and disgust in her eyes while vitriol spewed from her pretty lips. That’s what I get for breaking her heart. I don’t blame him for not wanting to be on the receiving end of her wrath, but I’m not gonna give up.
“If you don’t invite me, I’ll sit on top of that cliff until you guys come up.”
“You hate heights. You won’t even sit next to the window on an airplane, plus you don’t know what cliff we’re jumping from.”
He must not understand that no time, distance, or altitude will keep me away from her.
His phone rings through the Bluetooth speakers of his car with Hannah’s name lighting up the screen on the dashboard.
Before he can grab the phone, I snatch it out of his cup holder and hit the answer button on the dash screen so I can hear their conversation.
“Hey, darlin’,” Aiden answers, and it grates on my nerves that he has a pet name for her even though they both say their relationship is strictly platonic.
“I need you to pick me up,” she slurs.
Aiden glances over and reaches for his phone, but I shake my head.
“Where you at?”
“Nate’s club. Did you know he has a club here in New York?”
“Nope. Hey, Han—”
“I didn’t either until I ran into him there. Well, more like crawled to him. I think he lives here now. Did you know that?”
“Darlin’, listen—”
“And he’s so hot, Aiden. So. Damn. Hot. I tried to screw him,” she says, and my stomach plummets. “Why can’t I be a ho? I just want to be a ho like you, Aiden. Wait! No! I want to be a ho like Sean. He’s the biggest ho ever. Ever.”
She hiccups, and Aiden breathes out a chuckle. “I’ll be there—”
“I closed my eyes and tried to pretend he was Sean while he tied me up and told me to be a good girl. He’s punishing me right now. Nate’s so controlling and dominating like Sean, but he won’t—”
“Stop. Fucking. Talking. We’re on our way,” I grind out before pressing the end button and tossing Aiden’s phone back into the cup holder. “I’m going with you to pick her up, and I’m going to Moab.”
“No, you’re not. Like I said, you want her back; get her without me.” He taps the screen, pulling up Hannah’s shared location on his phone like they’re a fucking couple, and that just pisses me off even more.
“Shit! Stop the car! Stop the damn car!” I yell, slamming my hand on the dash.
Aiden hits the brakes, and as soon as we pull to a stop, I jump out and sprint to the front of his car.
“Did you not see that?” I shout, turning on my heels as he joins me. “Where’d it go?”
“What was it?”
“I don’t know! It just darted into the middle of the road.” I circle the back and move to the driver’s side.
He squats down, looking under the car to see if we hit anything, and I use that opportunity to vault into the driver’s seat and lock the doors. We face off through the windshield.
“What are you doing, Mac?!”
I back up, cracking the passenger window just enough so he can hear me, then flip him off as I pull around him. “I’m getting her without you. Your phone’s in the grass!”
Speeding away, my stomach turns at the thought of Hannah naked and tied up with Nate’s hands on her body.
I’d like to think he wouldn’t do that to me, especially since he’s had my back—offering advice, working with me to clean up my image, connecting me with his sister, Gianna, who’s now my agent.
He knows how I feel about Hannah. She’s been a topic of many conversations, but I learned a long time ago, trust no one.
Which is how I got myself into this mess with Hannah.
Instead of paying attention to the road, my mind travels back to the day I told the biggest lie of my life.
Something hard, cold, and wet smacks my cheek, and my head jerks to the side. Grinding my molars, I crack my neck. When I find who just threw that snowball, they’re going to fucking pay. The wind picks up, and Hannah’s auburn curls fly out from behind a tree, catching my attention.
“Oh, you little shit. You asked for it.” I laugh, chasing after her.
She darts out into the open with another snowball in her hand. Giggling, she launches it at my head, misses, then tries to outrun me, but I catch her around the waist and sling her around.
“You’re in big trouble, Rebel.”
“Oh yeah? Whatcha gonna do, but a little bit of nothing?”
I lose my footing, and we both tumble to the ground. Laughing hysterically, we take handfuls of snow, smashing it into each other. A little bit of it sneaks under my shirt and the waistband of my jeans, jolting me.
“Ah! Shit! That’s fucking freezing,” I hiss.
Hannah giggles as her ice-cold hands cradle my cheeks, forcing me to look at her.
Damn, she’s beautiful, lying on top of me, cheeks flushed, and her long hair draped around my face.
Her brown eyes flutter closed, and she bends to kiss me.
Emotions I don’t want to dissect stir in my chest, as I roll us over, deepening our kiss.
When we break apart, our breaths are a visible cloud of smoke in the freezing air between us. Cinnamon-colored eyes lock with mine, mirroring the same feelings I’m fighting off. She opens her mouth to say something, but I don't even let her inhale before stopping her.
“Don’t fucking say it, Hannah.”
“What?”
“You’re going to fuck this up.”
Confusion mars her expression as her brows pinch together. I push to stand, then reach down to help her off the ground, but she refuses my hand and stands on her own.
“I told you when we started this that I couldn’t be your happily ever after, and your exact words were ‘I’m not asking you to.
’ This . . .” I say, gesturing between the two of us.
“This is us having fun. We’re fucking. There’s no I love yous.
No wedding. No babies at the end. If that’s what you’re looking for, then we need to end it right now. ”
“W-what? I wasn’t going to—”
“We should take a break.” I instantly regret the words the minute they escape my lips.
My stomach turns, but breaking things off is probably for the best. Tears well in her eyes, and I look away.
“If we were just fucking, Sean, you wouldn’t keep taking me on dates where there’s no fucking involved.”
“See this . . .” I toss my hand out to her. “This is why I don’t do repeats.”
“Can you really stand here, look me in the eyes, and tell me that you don’t love me?”
Fiddling with the ring on my index finger, I remind myself of why I’m doing this, and through gritted teeth I lie. “I don’t love you, Hannah. Whatever this is between us ends right now.”
“You’re a fucking coward, Sean Mackenzie. And a liar.”
On autopilot, with my mind stuck in a different time and place, I drive to Elixir. It’s not until I’m pulling into the parking lot that I realize where I am.
Striding into the dimly lit club, I pass the hostess and head straight through the velvet curtain, looking around for Hannah.
I spot her with her head down, her hair in a heaping mess all over the bar where she’s sleeping.
And sitting next to her is none other than the son of a bitch who claims to be my friend.
Fuck him for thinking he can touch what’s mine.
Rolling up my sleeves, I storm toward him.
Without a word, my fist collides with his jaw and his head whips to the right.
Grabbing him by the collar of his black button-down shirt, I tower over him.
“Let me remind you . . . Hannah is mine to dominate, own, possess, fuck . . . to love . . . take your goddamn pick of a verb. Point is . . . she is fucking mine. If you even so much as look in her direction again, I’ll carve your eyes out.
Touch her, and I’ll break every one of your fucking fingers.
Don’t test me, Nate. You might find yourself six feet in the ground. ”
His nostrils flare as he shoves me off him. I stumble back into one of his guards. The burly guy grabs me around my torso, holding me back, while Nate adjusts his shirt.
“Don’t come into my club threatening me or making a scene.” He wipes the corner of his mouth. His blue eyes pierce me with a warning, and even though I know the danger of what I just did, I can’t force myself to give a fuck. “I wouldn’t have fucked her, though not for her lack of trying.”
“You may not have fucked her, but you crossed a line. You bound her. Praised her. Punished her. She. Is. Not. Yours.”
Jerking away from his bodyguard, I look back at the curtain, trying to figure out the best way to leave without being spotted. The last thing we need is the paparazzi taking pictures of me and Hannah as we leave this place.
“Give me your keys,” Nate says with an exasperated sigh, then jerks his chin at the man who had me restrained. “Antonio, take him to the back.”
I eye Nate skeptically as he holds out a hand.
I don’t think I have any other choice here if we want to leave unseen.
With a sigh, I toss him the keys, then unbind Hannah’s wrists and scoop her into my arms, noting the short dress she’s wearing and concealing her the best I can.
At least her tits aren’t spilling out. Nate grabs her purse and phone, then heads towards the front.
“I’m in the McLaren,” I tell him.
Antonio leads me to the back of the club, and I have to hand it to Nate .
. . from what I can tell, the place is actually classy.
Business in the front and a concealed party in the back.
The car pulls up, and I place Hannah in the passenger seat.
As I buckle her in, her eyes peel open, and she palms my face.
Feeling starved, my eyes flutter closed.
I haven’t felt her touch in so fucking long.
“Aiden,” she slurs.
My eyes fly open, and my molars grind together in frustration.
“Why do you look like Sean?”
“Because I am Sean.”
I pull her curls up into a ponytail, then take the hair tie out of my hair and secure it around hers in case she throws up. “Close your eyes, sweetheart. We’ll be home soon,” I murmur, placing a kiss on her temple.
“Mac,” Nate calls from the back door. I glance up, and he smirks. “Don’t fuck this up.”
“I won’t.”
Rounding the car, I slide into the driver’s seat, hoping like hell she doesn’t get sick in here. The engine roars to life, and I peel out of the parking lot. What would possess her to do this? I don’t fucking get it. This isn’t like her at all.
“I’m broken.” Her head lolls to the side, and her forehead bangs against the window. She sniffs and, with tears in her voice, continues, “I can’t even stomach the sight of myself.”
My knuckles turn white as I grip the steering wheel, remembering what it feels like to have someone break you. I never meant to make her feel this way. It’s why I was up front from the beginning, even though I didn’t adhere to my own rules.
Stopped at a traffic light, I rub my thumb along my bottom lip, contemplating the decision I have to make. Left for her house or right for mine. Hearing her little snores, I look over. How pissed would she be if she woke up in my bed?
Fuck it.
I turn right and drive through the residential neighborhood, then pull into my driveway. Cutting the engine, I look over at her, knowing without a doubt that it doesn’t matter what lines I have to cross or what strings I have to pull to get her back; I’m doing it.