Chapter 23
Twenty-Three
Hannah
“This is Levaquin,” the nurse says, slowly pushing the plunger. The medication leaves the syringe and flows into my IV. “Sorry I have to push it so slowly. I don’t want it to burn.”
My voice shakes as I ask, “What’s it for?”
“It’s an antibiotic. The surgeon ordered it to help prevent post-surgical infections.”
The anesthesiologist—all decked out in boring blue scrubs and a matching surgery cap—waltzes into the pre-op room as the nurse finishes pushing the medicine into my IV.
Between the visible reminder I’m about to go back under the knife and the talk of possible infections, the monitor starts screaming as the rapid rhythm of my heart spikes through the roof.
What if he mixes the sedation wrong and I never wake up? Or what if it’s like that movie “Awake”? I should’ve never watched that movie before surgery. Big mistake. What if I can feel everything, but I’m paralyzed and can’t tell them?
Oh, to hell with this.
“I want you to count out loud from ten,” the anesthesiologist says, rolling over to me on his stool. He pushes a concoction into my IV and my limbs grow heavy. My head settles deeper into the pillow, and everything begins to sound robotic . . . even the sound of my own voice.
“Ten, nine, eight . . .”
“Seven, six, five, four, blah blah blah. I never understood that boring shit. Why don’t they teach creative ways to knock someone out in med school? He could’ve had you sing yourself to sleep. At least that would’ve been more entertaining for me to watch.”
“Mom?”
I turn around, and a gust of wind kisses my face seconds before Mom appears several feet in front of me.
“Hi, sport.” She smiles as the night breeze blows her long, curly brown hair wildly around her.
I run as fast as my legs will carry me, crashing into her and wrapping my arms around her waist. I squeeze her tight as I can.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, there. You’re gonna knock us off this cliff. Speaking of . . . I can’t believe you actually brought me to a place where you frolicked around with Sean.”
It’s then that I realize where we are. The smell of the desert and the dry heat on my skin is exactly as I remember. I stare off into the distance, and the lights of Las Vegas shine brightly below the cliff.
“You know about that?”
“I’m your mother. I know everything.”
“H-How are you even here?” I ask.
Her white sundress flaps around us in the wind, the soft chiffon grazing my skin as we hold each other.
“I’m always here, baby . . . well . . . here, there, a little bit of everywhere.” She releases me and cradles my cheek. “My goodness, look at you. So grown up and beautiful.”
Compliments have always made me uncomfortable. I usually freeze up, not knowing what to say to them, but something about this feels different. I meet her kind words with a huge smile.
“Dad says I look just like you.”
“You’re a perfect blend of us both.” Mom takes my hand, kissing the top of it a couple of times, then leads me to the edge of the cliff.
The rough surface scrapes the bottoms of my bare feet along the way.
“While we’re on the topic of your dad. Glad to see he’s finally moved on.
Took him long enough. His wife is lovely. ”
I frown at her in confusion as we both sit down and dangle our legs over the edge of the rock.
She takes in my expression and laughs. “I told you. I’m everywhere.
I usually just pop in and out. Well, except for that one time; you were talking about me, and I couldn’t help but linger a little longer.
It was the night you were out on that road. What's the name of it?”
“Hawk’s Nest?”
She snaps her fingers, then points at me. “That’s it. God, I loved that light blue dress you wore; the color really brought out your complexion and the way it spun when Sean twirled you around . . . so pretty.”
“I knew you were there! I-I felt you,” I say, rubbing my thumb across her hand, and actually feeling the warmth of her skin. I lean my head on her shoulder. “Mom, I miss you so much. I really need you right now.”
“That’s why I’m here, sweetheart.” She turns toward me, taking both of my hands in hers.
“You're so strong. Of all the surgeries and treatments I underwent, I was never half as strong as you. I was never as brave as you either. Just what the hell were you thinking jumping off that cliff in the middle of the desert?”
“I already heard it from Sean, Mom.”
“Good. I like him even though he says my music is shit. There’s always room for growth. Maybe hanging around you will help his taste improve. He’s not bad to look at though, and he doesn’t let anyone run over you either.”
“Nobody but himself,” I correct her.
“Oh, he’s a walking red flag for sure, but I like a man who goes after what he wants. I approve. He reminds me a lot of your dad.”
“He’s nothing like Dad,” I argue.
“Oh-ho-ho. You didn’t know your dad in college.
Your father and Sean are more similar than you think.
Luke was quite the ladies' man. I was not the girl for that shit. Nuh-uh. Every time he asked me out, I pretty much told him to go to hell. We didn’t have cell phones back then with all the location sharing and stuff there is now, but that man somehow found a way to track me down like a bloodhound.
He wasn’t in any of my classes, but he sure blew into every single one of them like he was .
. . plopping himself in the seat next to me, staring at the side of my head, and tapping that damn pen on the desk.
Tap-tap-tap. Annoyed the hell out of me until I finally agreed to go out with him.
He didn’t approve of Sean because he sees a lot of himself in him. ”
“No way. I never knew any of that.”
“Yeah, well. He’d never tell you any of that,” Mom counters.
We sit in comfortable silence for a while, lost in our own thoughts, looking out into the distance. Sometimes you need to just be still in the moment, and right here with my mom is what I needed more than anything.
“You haven’t been happy,” she says, and I turn my head, raising a brow.
“Did you forget why we’re here? The one thing I want, I can’t have.”
“Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the logistics of things that we forget to use logic.”
“What does even that mean?”
“It means find another way, Hannah. You’re so stuck in the ‘why you can’t’ that you’re forgetting the ‘how you can’.”
“Like what? Adopt a pet? Become a dog mom?”
She chuckles under her breath. “That wasn’t quite what I was thinking, but sure, you can start there. Maybe shifting your attention to something else will help pull you out of this funk.”
I close my eyes to blink, and when they flash back open, we’re sitting in the darkened stands of the hockey arena. “True Colors” by Cyndi Lauper plays quietly in the background as disco lights flash across the ice in sync with the beat, illuminating Mom’s face in blue, purple, then red.
“How’d you do that?” I ask in astonishment.
“I didn’t. You did. I go wherever you take me. I wonder why you brought me here?”
I look back at the ice, knowing exactly why I brought her here. I just don’t want to admit it.
“I hate to tell you this, but it’s time for me to go,” Mom says.
My heart crashes against my ribs. Panic stirs in my gut. I don’t want her to go. “But we just got here.”
“Time works differently in this space, my sweet girl, and they’re waking you up. Listen to me. Say yes . . .”
“Say yes to what, Mom?”
“Just say yes, and stop doubting yourself,” she says and begins to fade away. “I love you, sweetheart.”
The warmth of her skin leaves mine, and the seats on the other side of her come into focus as she disappears. I scramble to my feet, turning around in place to look for her.
“Mom . . . Mom?” A warm wet tear drips down my cheek. “Mom . . . please don’t go, I-I need you.”
“I’m always with you . . .” Her voice echoes around me.
Sean
“I want my mom!” Hannah screams at the top of her lungs as Coach and I round the doorway to her recovery room. “Mom? Mommy, come back! Please!”
The entire scene is a shit show. Two nurses hold Hannah’s arms down while she thrashes around, and my blood instantly boils.
Oh, hell fucking no.
“Stop!” I clip out, pushing my way between the nurse and the bed. “Move. I’ve got her.”
Lowering the rail, I climb in with her, careful not to move her too much. It’s not easy, but I lay on my side—my big ass body hanging halfway off the edge of the bed—but I make it work.
“Sir you can’t—”
I pin Nurse Ratchet with a hard look. “Don’t fuck with me. I can do whatever the hell I want. Put your hands on my girl like that again and we’re going to have some major problems.”
Releasing a deep sigh, Coach rolls his eyes. “They weren't hurting her, Mackenzie. They were restraining her. She gets a little combative coming out of surgery.”
“I don’t give a shit. They were too rough with her.”
“They won’t take me to my mom.”
I reach up and move the hair out of her eyes. “I know, baby. It’s okay. Look, your dad’s here though.”
“Dad?” Her eyes widen and scan the room until they land on him standing at the foot of her bed. “Dad, I saw Mom!”
“Is that right?” Coach moves to the other side and takes the chair next to her.
“She said you were a ho, like Sean. But he’s not like that no more, Dad. I promise he’s not . . . Tap-tap-tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. She’s right, that would get annoying . . . You stalked Mom?”
When I glance over at Coach, he looks like he’s just seen a ghost. “I never told her any of that.”
Hannah starts laughing hysterically, pulling my attention back to her. “Dad doesn’t like you cause you’re just. Like. Him. Except you’re sexy as fuuuuck.”
I let out a silent laugh and bring her hand to my lips, kissing the top of it. “You think I’m sexy?”
“Have you seen your ass? I can play a game of quarters on that thang.” Her head lolls to the side, and she reaches out a hand to Coach, opening and closing her fist. “Dad, give me a quarter.”
“Jesus Christ, Hannah.” Coach laughs.
Her heavy hand drops to the bed, then her head swivels back towards me.
“Whoa. You’re so beautiful.” Her hand comes up to cup my face, her nails scratching the scruff on my jaw. “Are you Michael or Lucifer?”
“Uh . . . I’m—”
“Doesn’t really matter which one you are. Either way, I’m going to hell for the things I want you to do to me. Despicable. Dirty. Disrespectful. Nasty shit—”
“Mi amor, your dad is sitting right next to you. Stop. Don’t peel that off your finger.”
She holds up her index finger with the pulse oximeter, glowing red under the nude tape that’s slightly peeled back from her messing with it. “E.T., phone home.”
“Oh, boy. You’re really high, aren’t you?” a new nurse asks, pushing an empty wheelchair into the room.
“So fucking high,” Hannah singsongs. “This is good shit.”
“Hannah! Language,” her dad scolds, and I laugh at how embarrassed he is by his usually-reserved daughter’s mouth.
The nurse checks Hannah’s vitals, typing something into her laptop, then turns her attention to us. “Ms. Jenkins is going to be a little loopy for a while. I have her discharge instructions right here. Who gets the pleasure of taking this spitfire home?”
“Me,” I say before Coach can get the words out of his mouth.
I know she was supposed to stay with Cammie, but that’s not happening.
“Doesn’t she need to stay the night here?” he asks, his voice laced with concern. “When my late wife had her hysterectomy, she was in the hospital for days.”
“We did a laparoscopic assist; this procedure isn’t as invasive as they used to be.
She’ll be just fine.” The nurse turns her attention back to me.
“She’s not to drive while on the pain medication.
If you have any questions or concerns, you’re welcome to contact the number on the bottom of her discharge instructions.
Oh, and I know it goes without saying, but no sex for the next six to eight weeks. ”
What the fuck? Eight weeks?!
Hannah catches my expression and laughs, giving my hand a gentle pat. “It’s okay, Lucifer. My mouth works just fine . . . Don’t you worry your pretty little head . . . Head. Ha! I’ll be giving a lot of that!”
Holy fuck, Hannah.
I glance over at her dad. It’s probably the first time in my life where my cheeks flame in embarrassment.
He drags his hands down his face, and with a deep sigh, he stands. “On that note, if you’ve got her, I think I’ve had about enough. I’m gonna go out to the waiting room and give everyone an update,” he says, heading out of the room.
“You can’t say things like that in front of your dad, baby,” I whisper, kissing her forehead, and easing myself off the bed. “Come on let’s get you home.”
“So antsy to get in my mouth. You could at least buy me dinner first.”
“How long does this stuff last?” I ask.
“Oh, about 48 hours.”
Fuck me, I’m in for a long night.
The nurse pushes the wheelchair closer, and I carefully shift Hannah’s legs off the bed. Draping each one of her arms around my neck, I lift her and place her into the chair. Those pretty eyes find mine as I tilt her chin up to look at me.
“You okay? Did I hurt you?”
“I’m good.”
“Mackenzie,” Coach calls from behind, startling the fuck out of me.
What the hell?
I thought he was gone. I whip around, and he jerks a nod toward the hallway.
“I’ll be right back,” I say to Hannah, then turn to the nurse. “Mind sitting with her for a few minutes?”
“Not at all. Go ahead.”
Coach and I meet out in the hallway, and he leans against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest.
“I’m sorry about what she said earlier—” I start, but he waves me off.
“That’s not what this is about.”
I’m left wondering what the fuck I did this time as he stares me down.
“Look, I need to get back to your daughter, especially if you’re just gonna stand here and stare at me all day. This intimidation tactic isn’t going to work on me, Coach, and quite frankly, this isn’t the time or place to start shit with me—”
“I’ve been too hard on you. Hannah’s right; I saw a lot of myself in you.
I still do, but I also see how you are with her .
. . I’ll be the first to admit I was wrong to think the worst. I judged you based on the person you wanted everyone to believe you were, but I learned something a long time ago .
. . If you’re going to judge someone, you judge them based on their actions when they think no one’s watching.
That’s when you’ll find the true character of a man, son. ”
He reaches out, offering me his hand, and I grasp it in a firm grip, not taking my eyes from his. “Take care of my little girl’s heart, Sean, and there won't be any more problems between us.”
“You have my word.”
With a nod, he turns to leave the past where it belongs, and I head back into the room to face my future.