18. Yearned
EIGHTEEN
Yearned
SAGE
The long tables stretched down the center of the bunkhouse dining room, covered in red-and-white checkered cloths and piled high with food.
String lights twinkled overhead, and extra heaters hummed near the walls to push back the Montana cold.
Festive, inviting, and full of life, it was exactly the Thanksgiving the Off-Duty Rescue Ranch knew how to throw.
Most of the people here didn’t have families, or at least, no family they cared to visit at this time of year. But together, they formed their own bonds, strong enough to bend but never break.
Eldon stood at the head of the tables, hands clasped, and said a simple but heartfelt prayer, thanking God for the meal, the health of the horses, the sanity and strength of the crew, and for the Wylde sisters for the ten beautiful apple pies now cooling on the sideboard.
When he finished, Carter reached under the table and squeezed my hand.
I looked up at him; the dark circles under his eyes were impossible to miss.
“Tired?” I whispered.
“I didn’t sleep well. I’ll be fine,” he replied with a flat smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.
“Good God, let’s eat.” Eldon clapped, and we all dug into the feast. Serving family-style, enormous platters and bowls were passed with turkey, ham, corn casserole, green bean salad, apple sausage stuffing, mashed potatoes, and gravy.
Plenty of Eldon’s famous strawberry wine bottles made the rounds, too, with everyone generously filling their glasses.
Conversation and laughter filled the room.
I sat between Carter and Daisy, with Knox on her other side.
Colt and Ivy sat across from us, and Poppy and Jake, too.
The food was incredible, but the quiet man beside me distracted my appetite.
This wasn’t the Carter I knew. Whatever kept him from sleep worried me.
Later, everyone helped clean up. I helped a few men load trash bags into the bear-proof bin outside, brushing my hands off when finished. Carter came out with a bundle of papers under one arm.
“I want to give you something,” he announced, pulling me to the front of the building, to Jake’s truck for privacy. He opened the passenger door, and I climbed up onto the seat, knees out.
Cold air bit sharply against my cheeks, but his warmth leaning against my knees helped. He set the papers on my lap. The top one was a beautiful hand-drawn sign for “Wylde Blooms he couldn’t lie.
Before he could answer, Jake came rushing up, shouting, “Snowball fight!”
The crew had set up a full militaristic-style playing field just beyond the bunkhouse. Teams were being chosen. Carter gave me a quick, regretful look. “We’ll talk more later…”
Stunned, I left everything in the truck, holding my arms for warmth. The purple coat wasn’t enough to keep me from shaking, or maybe that was my heart already cracking. I joined the women watching from the sidelines, although Poppy jumped in on Jake’s team with Carter, her usual energetic self.
The fight was on. It was Jake’s team against Trig’s.
The game soon turned intense—snowballs flying, men diving behind snow banks, and into trenches.
The men all chirped and egged each other on.
Laughter spread across the field as much as military commands.
Snow flew everywhere, some balls landing too close to us for comfort.
Even in the chaos, my mind kept circling back to Carter’s words, overthinking every single one. Maybe this was the end.
Jake’s team wound up victorious. Carter came running up to me, cheeks red from the cold, happy and smiling, and he scooped me up, carrying me off to Jake’s truck again. My ass landed on the passenger seat, and he got between my knees.
His kisses were urgent, lips and noses cold, but I adored every second too much.
He warmed his hands under my jacket and sweater against my skin.
I couldn’t stop kissing him, nor did I want to ever stop, clinging to him with an aching heart.
This might be one of the last times to feel everything with him.
We heard a car door slam behind the truck.
“Hello?” a woman’s voice called, followed by a baby’s cry. It startled us apart.
“Can we help you?” Carter asked. He picked me up and set my feet on the ground.
“I’m looking for Mike? Uh, Mike Triggs?”
“We’ve got a guy here everyone calls Trig. Is that who you mean?” Carter clarified.
“Yes, that’s him.” The woman’s chestnut hair thickly framed her face. Her nose was red from the cold, her coat almost threadbare—and she held a baby carrier with a little boy inside, bundled in blue blankets.
I felt bad for her. Was she a woman he’d gotten pregnant? Trig’s reputation might have finally caught up to him.
“Can you tell me where he is? I’m his sister.”
Relief washed through me, more out of relief for her and the baby. She wasn’t a person Trig could dismiss easily.
“Autumn? What the hell are you doing here?” Trig’s gruff voice came up behind us, but I could sense the genuine concern underneath. Jake trailed behind him.
“Oh, Mike…” Her chin wobbled. She fell into his arms. “I left that no-good son of a bitch.”
Trig pulled back and gently pushed her hair aside, revealing bruises on one side of her face I hadn’t noticed before.
My stomach twisted for her. I’d heard stories from Harper about her past with her abusive ex before she got involved with the sheriff, but seeing an abused woman up close was different.
“I-I need a place to stay. Just until I can get a job and daycare and get back on my feet.”
“Autumn, I live here with a bunch of guys. We’re not exactly set up for a woman and a baby,” Trig explained.
“I can stay in a motel if you have some money I can borrow. Please, I have nowhere else to go.”
“Money is tight right now.”
Jake cleared his throat, stepping forward. “Hi, I’m Jake.” He stuck out his hand, and she put hers there—both of them holding on a little too long, staring at each other.
Trig whacked Jake in the stomach. “Dude, let go of my sister’s hand.”
Jake did and took a generous step back. Autumn crouched down and took the baby out of the carrier.
“Adorable. How old is he?” I wasn’t an expert judge of these things.
“Six months. Stetson came along unexpectedly, but now he’s my whole world. I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m just in a tight spot right now.” She kissed his soft, blond head.
Jake cleared his throat and stepped forward again.
“I might have a solution. My family lives close to here, and I know they keep the apartment I lived in above the barn available for me at all times. They’d love to help with the baby.
I mean, they’re always hounding me about settling down and having kids so they can be grandparents. ” He ended sheepishly.
“That’s really generous… Jake.” She blushed and adjusted the baby on her hip.
“No offense, but she’s my family. I’ll figure something out.” Trig steered her away from the rest of us fast.
Jake kept staring after her, frozen in time, clearly completely smitten.
Carter waved a hand in front of his face, snapping his fingers. “Are you done staring at Trig’s sister’s ass? Because I don’t think you want to get on his bad side.”
“Fuck, man. Did you see her eyes? Baby blue like the Montana big sky.”
Carter laughed. “Okay, buddy. I think no more strawberry wine for you today.” He pulled Jake away, giving me a quick wink as they headed toward the bunkhouse.
Later, I did Willow and Ash a favor, watching Ro. I let her run through both stables to give the horses Thanksgiving treats. When we reached the quarantine stables, I hung over the door of Sassy’s stall. She’d finally warmed up to Flurry, and mother and foal were doing well.
I yelped, startling the horses, when two arms came around me, pulling me off the door.
“There you are,” Carter whispered in my ear. “I got Jake settled in at the bunkhouse. How about the way he was checking Autumn out? He’s got a bad case of love at first sight. Poor guy. I feel like I should help him navigate the situation.”
Ro was fine, taking her time petting each horse and talking to them, hardly noticing us. So I turned in his arms, hooking my fingers behind his neck.
“But you might not be here much longer to be his wingman and to see what comes of it,” I pointed out.
He pressed my hair back behind my ears, looking as if a battle raged in his head.
Why did it feel like we danced around the topic of his leaving, never coming to any agreement that he shouldn’t?
“No matter what I do or say. I might as well face it. You’re leaving.” My voice broke.
“Two more days.” He finally admitted quietly.
I gasped. So soon? “Carter… I thought we had more time.”
In his next breath, he argued. “We knew this was coming. That I’d be leaving.”
“We did, and I told you I could handle it. But turns out I don’t think I can.” A single tear rolled down my cheek. He caught it with his thumb.
“Don’t cry. Please.”
“Somewhere along the way I started hoping that something I would do, or say, or if I was a very good girl for you, it would be enough to keep you here with me. But I guess it’s not.”
I backed away, but he caught me by the arm.
“Sage, wait, please, don’t do this. We have two more days.”
“But my heart is already in pieces. Why put me through more pain? I’m sorry I fell for you.” I ran out, yelling, “Ro, stay with Carter.”
“Sage! Sage!” he shouted
But I didn’t turn back. I ran all the way to the cozy cabin on the ranch that Ivy and Jake now shared, hiding there until they returned later that night. Ivy found me sobbing on their bed and lay next to me, soothing me.
“Carter’s leaving soon,” I shared.
“I know. He was so upset when he came back to the bunkhouse with Ro. He wouldn’t talk to anyone, not even Jake.”
“Maybe I should leave with him?”
“Did he actually invite you?”
“Not in so many words.”
“Do you want to leave?”
“You left once before, Ivy. How did you manage it? How did you leave us all behind?”
With a heavy sigh, she sat up, bringing my head into her lap.
She smoothed back my hair and blinked away some tears.
“I was grieving the loss of our parents, and I thought I was in love. Seth offered me a chance to leave this town. But as it turned out, I didn’t know him well enough to have made such a major life decision.
Hindsight is a bitch. You don’t know how often I wish that I’d stayed here with you, with my loving sisters.
Leaving is one regret I’ll carry with me always.
But I’m so glad I found the courage to eventually leave him and come back home. ”
Her words cut too close; our situations were so similar. A part of me wanted to go be with Carter, no matter where he headed. The other part wondered about him. We’d only been together a short time—was it enough to know who he really was?
I couldn’t hold back anymore, breaking out into sobs that shook my entire body. A good, hard cry that was probably a long time coming. When I finally drifted off to sleep, I yearned for him and was nowhere closer to figuring out what to do about him.