Chapter 11
Eleven
Carter
“She had that sunshine pussy.” Aiden’s eyes roll into the back of his head.
Sean shoves his hands into his pockets, watching the dance floor and asks, “Are you still going on about pterodactyl girl? I thought you broke your dick before you even found out what she felt like.”
Aiden shakes his head. “You know I didn’t actually break my dick, right? Anyway, round one had me so hooked, I fucked her straight through the pterodactyl fiasco of round two. Broken dick or not, I wasn’t going out like that.”
I laugh, listening to their asinine conversation while keeping my eyes on River. Tucker’s arm comes up, and River laughs as she ducks down and twirls, then he lets go and spins around before holding his hand out to her.
“What’s sunshine pussy anyway? Dude, you make no sense.” Sean turns to me and hits me on the arm with the back of his hand. “Doc, have you ever heard of this shit?”
Chuckling to myself at Aiden’s nonsense, I focus back on my friends and shake my head. “Can’t say that I have.”
Aiden looks at both of us like we’ve lost our damn minds. He takes a drink then tilts his glass toward us.
Here we fucking go.
“Imagine the best pussy you’ve ever had in your life.
In. Your. Life. It keeps you up at night.
It’s all you think about and makes you come crawling back over and over again.
Think of it like this . . . The sun glows, right?
Well, this pussy makes you glow inside… like the sun.
It’s golden and makes you all happy and shit .
. . you know . . . hence, sunshine pussy. ”
I begin to laugh but catch River’s dad eyeing me.
Skeptically, I might add. The laugh dies on my lips.
I’ve been giving her space, but I’m realizing in doing that, we’re definitely not pulling off the whole newlywed vibe we’re supposed to be selling to everyone.
I should be out there right now, sweeping her all over that dance floor, but instead I’ve hung back in the shadows, watching her dance with everyone else but me.
I’m more of an in-your-face kind of guy, but I feel like I have to tread carefully when it comes to River.
Especially now that I know what I know. Not to mention the whole wedding fiasco.
She’s one of those people that if you push too hard, she’ll pull back.
Tonight, I was gonna let her take the reins, but maybe what she needs is someone to take control. Which is exactly what I’m about to do.
“Aiden, you’re a special breed. You guys have fun talking about whatever it is you single guys talk about. I’m gonna go dance with my wife.”
“Dude, you’ve been married like five minutes, and you’re already sounding like Ivan. I know what this is. I bet she’s got that—”
“Don’t even think about finishing that sentence, Aiden Brodie.” I glare at him, daring him to say another word.
He holds up his hands in mock surrender, laughing his ass off.
Whatever.
River’s back is to me when I approach, ready to make my move. I tap her on the shoulder, and she spins around with a grin.
“Hi, hubby.” She giggles, trailing her hands up my chest. “’Bout time you made yourself known.”
She’s been slinging back drinks left and right, and it’s apparent by her bloodshot eyes and flirty behavior that she’s three sheets to the wind.
I wrap my arms around her waist and kiss the top of her head. “Oh, yeah? You been missing me?”
“Maybe . . .” She shrugs, pulling me closer by the collar, then she runs her hands down my biceps.
“How did I end up with such a hot husband?”
“Well . . .” One side of my mouth lifts into a smirk. “It probably started somewhat like this.”
Liquor always allows for a loose tongue, but I don’t want her truths this way. She lays her head on my chest and wraps her arms around my waist as we sway back and forth; the music changing to something slower.
“Mmm, I love this song. It’s so sweet,” she says. “I can't even imagine someone loving me that much.”
“Hmm.”
I squeeze her a little tighter as Bruno Mars and Lady Gaga’s duet plays in the background. I know it’s time to call it a night, but I want to hold her a little bit longer.
I run my fingers through her silky waves. “Time to go to bed, baby. It’s getting late, and we have a flight to catch tomorrow.”
“Is that code for something else?” She peers up at me and winks.
Fuck me. Tonight is going to be a long night.
“No, we’re just sleeping.”
She groans, pressing her forehead into my chest and shaking her head back and forth.
I lean down, speaking low into her ear. “River, when, not if—because I know it will happen eventually—but when you admit that you’re mine, I’ll gladly fuck you, but not a moment before.”
Her pink tongue darts out to lick those sexy ass red lips. “Okay, I’m yours.”
My eyes shut tight, and I blow out a breath. “And when you haven’t been drinking.”
“Boring.”
“Thats my hard limit.” I shrug one shoulder.
“Oooh, we’re talking about limits. This is quite serious. Wanna know mine? Need a safe word?” She giggles again.
Jesus, help me. I’m gonna have to take a long ass cold shower tonight. This is not the River I know. The River I know is not forward. She’s a runner.
I take her hand in mine, leading her off the dance floor. “Let’s go. Time to sleep off the alcohol.”
“I think we should talk this out.”
“Yeah, well . . . maybe we’ll talk about it tomorrow when you don’t have more alcohol than blood coursing through your veins.”
Cal and Aspen are chatting with the parents as we approach. I hold my hand out to shake Cal’s and ask, “You guys need anything before we head out?”
“No. We’re about to head out too,” he says as he pulls me into a hug.
River and Aspen laugh together about something I’m not in on as I turn to Rhett. This time, when I offer my hand, he shakes it.
“Remember what I said, son.” He pats me on the back; a little nicer this time.
I give a curt nod in his direction. “You’ll never have to worry, sir.”
Even if this shit goes sideways, I vow to myself to always have her back.
I drop our suitcases inside my penthouse, letting them hit the marble floor with a loud thud that echoes throughout the foyer.
The kitchen light over the stove is on, casting a soft glow over half of the living room.
I turn back to grab the last bag and notice River hasn’t moved; she’s still standing out in the hallway, nibbling her bottom lip.
I drop the last bag inside and turn around. “River?”
“Huh?” she asks, eyes wide and expression panicked.
I nod toward the living room. “You gonna come inside?”
She glances past me but doesn’t budge as her line of sight quickly drops back to the threshold. Fuck, I would give anything to take her fear away. Until we can sit down and talk, the only thing I can do is distract her from the thoughts spiraling in her mind.
I hope this doesn’t backfire in my face.
Swallowing up the distance between us, I scoop her up into my arms, bridal style.
“W-what are you doing?” she squeaks, hands clutching my shoulders.
“Faking it so hard that we actually believe this is real, Mrs. Graham. What does it look like?” I drop a kiss to the tip of her nose. “If this were real—if we were in love—you’d be in my arms, giggling as we walked into our penthouse.”
River squirms, slapping at my arms. “Stop it, Carter! Put me down!”
She’s fucking cute when she’s flustered.
“No,” I say, carrying her through the doorway. “I have to carry you over the threshold. I’m pretty sure it’s a superstition or something.”
“Why in the actual hell should we care about superstitions when our marriage isn’t even real?”
I kick the door closed behind us, then stop in my tracks. “Hey. Right now, it’s real to me. Let me have this moment, yeah?” I spin us around. “I’m emotionally invested here.”
“If you don’t set me down—”
“You’ll what?” I ask, bellowing a laugh. “Bring out your kitty claws and attack me?”
I spin us around in circles until she’s squealing, her giggles echoing throughout the room.
“Ahhh! Carter, stop it. You’re making me dizzy!”
I stop spinning and lower River’s feet to the floor, a smile beaming on both of our faces as we stare at each other. Something crosses her expression, and her eyes narrow, not in annoyance but as if she’s trying to figure something out.
Her body stiffens in my arms, then exhaling, she gently pushes away from me and slowly saunters toward the floor-to-ceiling window, where Central Park lies below and the lights of New York shine brightly far beyond the horizon.
She groans, then drags her hands down her face. “Christ. I’m so embarrassed. You remember.”
She turns around, her fingertips grazing her lips, then points toward the door. “I was freaking out about coming in and you distracted me. That’s when I realized that you may not remember much about our crazy night, but you remember what happened to me.”
When I don’t speak, she continues, “I heard you using a grounding technique with me on Fremont Street. So, I’ll go ahead and ask you, what do you know?”
I run a hand across my jaw and blow out a breath. I guess we’re doing this now. It’s best to get it out of the way.
“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.
Okay? I don’t know the details of your past, River.
You can tell me about that if and when you’re ready to.
I do know whatever you went through was traumatic.
Yes. I used a grounding technique. There was a time when I had to use them on my sister, but your flashback isn’t the only thing that tipped me off that someone did something horrible to you. ”
Her brows furrow, and I know she’s trying to figure out what I’ve seen.
“That band on your wrist? You’re always snapping it.
And yeah, a lot of women may wear a hair tie on their wrist and snap it, but they do it mindlessly.
You don’t. You do it with intention, right after you scan your surroundings, or a flash of fear crosses your face .
. . and sometimes . . . when you look at me.
You flinch when people touch you. Then there was the way you reacted to me approaching you on that platform .
. . now that gutted me. I realized my mistake too late.
I shouldn’t have stormed toward you like that.
I’m sorry it scared you. I saw the fear in your eyes and needed to hold you. ”
I reach up, gently tilting her chin, and guiding her to look into my eyes to see the sincerity there. “I swear to you, River, my hands will always be kind, and my words will never be cruel.”
Her eyes shine as she takes a ragged breath. She swallows hard as if her throat is working around words to force them out, then she shakes her head. “Please don’t tell anyone.”
“I would never betray you like that.” I reach for her and slowly take her hand in mine. She stares at our hands and raises a brow.
“We may be married, but we can’t be more than friends, Carter.”
“I don’t expect anything from you. Do I want you?
Of course, I do. That’s no secret to you or anyone else.
I’m not saying that I’m gonna stop pursuing you; we both know that would be a lie, but my friendship doesn’t come with any expectations.
If you get there, you get there, and if you don’t, well . . . that would fucking suck for me.”
She lets out a small chuckle, and my thumb rubs across the top of her hand before I continue.
“Whether I’m just your friend or something more, I’ll be whatever you need me to be: an anchor to ground you to the present when your thoughts are spiraling to the past or a net that catches you when you feel like you need an escape.
I promise, if you fall to me, I’ll catch you every damn time. ”
“It’s not that easy. I can’t just hand over my trust to you.”
“I don’t expect you to. Trust is earned. I want to earn your trust.”
She wipes her cheeks with the back of her hand. “I really shouldn’t stay here. You don’t know what kind of hell you’re signing up for. I have nightmares that will probably wake you up and—”
“I don’t need to read the fine print, River. I helped my sister through her trauma. Now let me help you,” I say, cutting her off.
Her bottom lip trembles, and she turns her head.
I gently guide her face back to me. “I know you don’t let people in very easily, but I’m not the bad guy here. Try to stay here with me. Try to make it through the year. If you can’t, we’ll come clean.”
This is the most vulnerable I’ve ever seen her. The most real conversation we’ve ever had. I know this has to be hard on her. Hell, it’s hard on me too.
Releasing my hand, she huffs a breath and steps back. Maybe the weight of what I’ve said is too much too soon. She tilts her head to look up at the ceiling, her eyes closing tight. Finally, she lowers her chin and stares at me, nibbling on her bottom lip.
“Okay,” she breathes out. “I’ll give this whole new living situation a try, but I’ll warn you now, if you mess up, my daddy will hunt your ass down.”
I chuckle. “He already warned me that he would make my life a living hell.”
“Of course he did.” She sighs.
I slowly pull her into my arms and speak low against her temple. “I promise, Kitten. I won’t be fucking up.”
She nods and wraps her arms around my waist. I don’t know how I was able to talk her down, all I know is that she’s not running this time, and we’ve just crossed over another threshold.