Chapter 14
Fourteen
Carter
It’s a quarter past eight when my key hits the lock and I walk through the door of our penthouse.
Practice, workout, and then ending the day with an endorsement meeting has me ready to hit the bed.
And on top of all that, I had to field phone calls from my family, who I’ve been avoiding for the past month while River and I fall into the swing of things.
“So, when do I get to meet her?” my sister pesters from the other end of the call.
I can barely hear her over Sofia Karlberg singing Crazy in Love throughout the surround sound. When I walk into the living room, my phone almost clatters to the ground. I juggle it and put it back to my ear.
“Hey, umm.” I swallow the knot in my throat. “I’m gonna have to call you back.”
“Wait—”
I end the call, open the camera app, and press record. I know I shouldn’t record her, but I can’t help myself. My feet move on their own accord, each slow step taking me closer to the woman that has me all twisted up. I’m an addict, and she’s my fucking heroin.
My breaths are short, my heart is pounding, and my cock stands at attention when I round her body.
She’s on her knees with her hands in her hair, lifting the golden locks off her neck, rotating her hips, and damn, the way she moves is so erotic, so enticing, I want to throw her down right here and fuck her.
She lets go of her hair. The long blonde waves tumble down her back, and her hands slap the marble before she whips her hair around her face. There’s something incredibly sexy about a woman in workout clothes, but my wife in a sports bra and yoga pants . . . My. Fucking. God.
The way her hips grind is absolutely hypnotizing.
Head thrown back, lips parted, and eyes closed .
. . I imagine her like this on top of me, riding my cock.
What a beautiful fucking sight she is. Makes me wonder what the fuck I was thinking when I didn’t fuck her the night she practically begged me to.
Her breasts skim the floor as she rolls her body.
The way she twists before sliding onto her back .
. . Goddamn. She brings her legs into the air and parts them wide into the splits before flipping herself over and tossing her hair again. So sensual. So fucking seductive.
River crawls to me; eyes locked on mine. The song slows toward its final beats and her front grazes against me as she lifts to stand. Looking down at my crotch, with one quirked eyebrow, she smirks.
“Like what you see?”
She takes my phone—ending the recording—and tosses the device onto the couch.
Her hands trail up my chest. I have no control over myself. I fucking want her. I grip her hips and press myself into her, bending down to lick the sweat from her neck. And when I do, she whispers in my ear, “Floor work . . . it strengthens your core and also . . . it makes your pussy tight.”
Fuck me.
She steps back and winks. “Okay. I need to shower now. Dinner is on the stove.”
I release her and watch her ass sway as she slips away to head up the glass stairs.
Well fucking played, Kitten.
I make my way to the shower, turning it all the way to cold, but the chill doesn’t calm me down. I can’t push her out of my fucking mind. The way her body moved was so intoxicating . . . so, so, so . . . Fuck!
I adjust the shower to hot, soap up my hand, and let it find its way to my cock. It’s not the same as having her, but until she gives herself over to me entirely, this is what I’ll have to resort to. I’m not giving in. I’m sure the hell not giving up.
One hand slaps against the tiled shower wall as the other pumps up and down my shaft. I close my eyes, and all I see is her . . . on her knees taking me into her mouth. Her pretty brown eyes looking up at me while I fuck her throat . . . Goddammit!
My body tenses. My muscles lock up. Tingles and heat climb up my spine.
My grip tightens. Everything around me darkens.
I’m suspended. Floating. With each pulse, my body jerks as ropes of cum shoot against the shower wall.
Water rains down over me as I hang my head, breathless, dizzy, and nowhere near satisfied.
There’s still an ache built up in my chest. A need for more because it wasn’t River making me lose control.
She wasn’t here raking her fingers through my hair and dragging her nails down my back.
She wasn’t calling out my name as I felt her come apart around me.
Fucking her and letting that be the end of it like she wants would never be enough for me.
I don’t only want to manipulate her body; I want to seduce her mind.
I want to dominate her thoughts. I want to capture her heart.
I want to make her mine in every sense of the fucking word.
To claim her. To own her. Just like she owns me.
I finish cleaning up, and when I make it downstairs, River stands at the floor-to-ceiling window in a white sweatshirt and black Nike shorts that barely cover her ass.
Peeling back the covers and climbing into my warm bed sounded so much more appealing than going downstairs and facing her after basically painting her name on the shower wall with my cum, but I wasn’t gonna let all her hard work on dinner go to waste.
She brings a glass of wine to her lips and tilts it all the way back, draining the contents.
Her wet hair is up again in one of those messy bun things on top of her head. She’s so effortlessly beautiful.
As I pass by, I see the pensive look on her face in the reflective glass of the window. I shouldn’t say a word after the stunt she just pulled, but I can’t help it.
“Wanna tell me what’s on your mind?”
As I take a plate out of the cabinet, she turns around to face me, clutching her neck nervously while holding the empty wine glass at her side.
She turns her face away to look out the window over her shoulder, then glances back at me. “Um . . . it’s stupid really,” she says, shaking her head.
I pop the food in the microwave, then spin around, resting my back against the countertop to give her my full attention.
“I’m pretty sure it’s not.”
She turns back to face the window and stands there in silence for a while, watching the busy city below us before speaking.
“Last week my therapist asked me who I was, and it got me to thinkin’ .
. . I don’t even really know myself. And that, um, well .
. . that everything around me is changing.
You know?” She turns back to face me. “Like, I used to know who I was, but that person doesn’t even exist anymore.
The things I used to enjoy, I just don’t anymore.
My beliefs have changed. I feel like I’m a completely different person. ”
She shakes her head in disgust. “I lost my identity while I was with my ex, then after the divorce, my life revolved around Aspen and Tucker. I hid behind them, and now I have to figure out who I am.”
She pats her chest. “Life seems to be moving at hyper-speed. We happened, and I . . .” She sighs as she trails off.
“Don’t want to lose the opportunity to discover who you are before you even begin to,” I finish for her.
“Exactly. I have therapy again tomorrow, and she’s gonna ask me the same thing, and again, I won't have an answer because I don’t fucking know.”
Abandoning my food, I walk over to her and take her hand, leading her to the couch.
She sits beside me, one leg folded under the other, and gestures to the window. “I see this great big world moving forward around me. Everyone else is going on with their daily life, but I feel like I’m stuck at a stalemate.”
I brush a stray hair back behind her ear. “Maybe you can’t tell her who you are yet . . . and that’s okay, baby. You don’t have to figure this out overnight. I’m gonna ask you a couple of questions.”
“Okay . . .” She says it like a question.
“Tell me one thing about you that I don’t know.”
“Hmm. Umm.” She worries her bottom lip. “I love when it rains.”
“I do too, though, it makes it hard to get out of bed. Okay, next question . . . First thing that pops into your head . . . when you look at your life right now, very short term, what you want?”
Her lashes flutter as she shakes her head. “I don’t want to look over my shoulder anymore. I don’t want to be scared anymore. I want to be strong.”
I rub circles on the top of her hand still clutched in mine. “I can help with that, but only if you trust me.”
She gives me a curious look.
“I know I’ve said this over and over, but I’m gonna say it again.
I understand that you don’t approve of me fighting, and I know that’s part of the reason why you never wanted to get close to me, but fighting comes along with my job.
I can’t help that. It is what it is. But you can use my skills to your advantage.
Let me train you. Even if it’s basic self-defense. I think it can help you.”
I can’t help her find her identity, she has to do that on her own, but I can help with this, and it’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to her about for the past few weeks.
I want her to feel strong, empowered, and be able to defend herself if, God forbid, she ever needs to.
She chews on the inside of her cheek, mulling it over.
A few seconds pass and then she looks at our hands and gives a slight nod.
“Yeah?” I chuckle.
“Yeah.”
There’s no stopping the smile that spreads across my face. I pull her into a hug, speaking low against her temple. “You’re a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. It doesn’t feel that way right now, but I think with time you’ll begin to see in yourself what I see in you.”
The morning sun peeks out just above the horizon of the tall buildings across from Central Park and slices through the living room, giving us enough natural light to work.
I pick up the coffee table and move it in front of the window to clear out some space.
We could train at the facility, but River seems more comfortable here, and for the things I’m gonna ask her to let me do, she needs to be in a place where she feels safe.
“If anything triggers you at any time, let me know. Okay?”
She nods with her head down, staring at her bare feet.
I take the few steps between us and lift her chin. “Hey, eyes up here. You got this.”
Her smile is unsure, but she lifts her chin with determination.
“Okay,” I say, stepping back. “I know you’re already hyper-aware of your surroundings. Usually, people don’t notice what’s right in front of them until it’s too late. You, on the other hand, are constantly registering threats, so you’re already ahead of the game.”
Holding her hand in mine, I show her how to form a proper fist. Her hand trembles, so I dust my thumb across the top of her knuckles to help calm her nerves.
I instruct her on how to throw a punch, then we go through palm strikes and a couple of basic moves: breaking wrist holds and using her hips to shift her weight.
We work through different scenarios for half an hour before I take her through palm strikes again. After a few uncertain tries, she ends up landing a palm strike to my chest, just like I showed her, and the force of it takes me by surprise.
I chuckle as I catch my breath. “Look at you, little badass. See baby, you’re so much stronger than you think.”
Her entire face lights up. There’s more confidence in her smile this time. “Thank you.”
“You’re the one putting in all the hard work,” I call over my shoulder as I walk over to grab her water.
When I make it back to her, I place the water bottle into her hand and look into her eyes. “I know what you’re capable of, but I’m glad you’re finally seeing it. Now that you have that down, you ready to move onto something a little more intense?”
Her chest rises and falls, but her breaths stay even. Good sign. Pride swells in my chest.
She’s remarkable.
Sweat beads along her brows, and she brushes a loose strand of hair sticking to her forehead with her arm, then passes the water bottle back to me.
“Let’s go,” she says, getting into position.
That’s my girl.
I set her water bottle down and guide her shoulders, encouraging her to turn around.
“Alright,” I say as my hand trails from her shoulder to her elbow. I don’t miss the hitch in her breath or the goosebumps that pebble her skin, but I continue anyway. “If someone grabs you from behind, drive your elbow back.”
She drives her elbow back as I instruct, but her movements are too slow, like she’s afraid of hurting me. I step in closer. Close enough for my chest to press against her back.
“Is this okay?” I murmur next to her ear.
She nods, leaning into me. “Yeah,” she says a little breathless.
Guiding her through the motion again with my hand loosely curled around her arm, she brings her elbow back into my ribs.
“Very good. Alright. I’m gonna wrap my arms around your front, and I want you to give me everything you got.”
My arms go around her. This time, the force of her elbow knocks the wind right out of me. She turns to face me as I bend down, trying to catch a breath.
River places a hand on my shoulder. “Are you okay? I’m sorry.”
Fuck me. That’s gonna leave a bruise. I gasp a breath and right myself, rubbing the spot on my ribs and grunting out, “Yeah. I’m good.”
After I catch a full breath, I chuckle. “Damn, baby, you have a lot of power. I’m fucking proud of you.”
She steps in close, pressing her body to mine, wrapping her arms around my waist, and burying her head in my chest. “Thank you. I can’t remember the last time anyone other than my family has said those words to me.”
Even though the words try to claw their way out of my mouth, I swallow them down. It’s probably not the best time to remind her that we’re family—she’s the most important person in my life—my wife; accident or not.
When I kiss the top of her head and give her ponytail a playful tug, she leans back, her gaze flicking back and forth between my eyes and my lips.
I want to kiss her. God. I really fucking want to. And it would be so easy. She’s giving me all the signs and staring up at me with a look in her eyes that I haven’t seen before.
But instead of kissing her like I want to, I take a step back.
“Lesson’s over for today.” I brush past her, heading up the stairs and calling over my shoulder, “Same time tomorrow.”
She’s vulnerable right now, and any praise or attention that I give to her is gonna feed her dopamine and possibly confuse her feelings for me. She may want to kiss me now, but if I know anything about River, it’s that she’d probably regret it within ten minutes.