38. Chapter 38
Chapter 38
Dawson
I turn off the television. “Hey, bud. Time to get you in the bath before bed.” It takes forever wrapping his cast and helping him keep his leg propped on the side of the tub.
Finn whines, “Just one more episode. Please?”
“You’ve had way too much electronics time lately.” The doctor ordered rest for Finn’s broken ankle, which turned out perfectly because I’ve been working fifteen-hour days and Finn’s injury allowed me to force him to lie around, giving me the time to work faster on their project.
I’m stretched as thin as I can be. Before, Chloe was there to help me through it. She cast her spell on me and shaking it off is harder than I expected.
There’s this massive hole in our home she occupied before. Finn’s asked about Chloe a few times. He wants to know why she can’t come see him. He has no idea how much I’d love for her to visit him, but I can’t see her. I trusted her and I know what happened to Finn was an accident, but if I had been there, Finn would be healthy .
So yeah, I’m as jumbled as a tangled extension cord. The hole in my heart is a constant reminder. Her feisty yet fun personality lit our world up and now we’re dealing with the dark gloom she left behind.
I’ve picked up my phone dozens of times to call her, but I can’t. When we moved back to Utah, I told myself Finn was my priority and would always remain so. Working with Chloe was amazing and I’m grateful I got to know her, but I lost sight of keeping my son as my number one. Finn’s suffering because of my bad decisions. Every time I look at his cast, it reminds me of the mistake I made. I refuse to do that to him again.
As crappy as I’m feeling, as hard as it is to make excuses when Finn asks about her, I have to find a way to get over her and keep Finn and me safe. Even if our life is as dreary as unfrosted wheat cereal with no milk to chase down the sawdust.
“I can’t do much else right now,” Finn screams. “I hate when you make me go to bed early.”
“Your bedtime is the same as always,” I state.
“When Chloe was over, you’d let me stay up until ten.” He sneers at me.
He’s missing her and one-on-one time with you. Be patient. “A mistake I regret making. Bath, please.” I point toward the bathroom. “We’ll read an extra chapter in your book tonight, okay?”
“I don’t want to read with you. I’ll do it myself.”
“If that’s what you prefer.” Though taking a twenty-minute break to read and chat with him each night is one of my favorite parts of the day. I may act like I’m fine with it, but I’m not. All it does is remind me I’m still messing up my priorities.
“Great. Good night. Father .” Finn says father like I’m an evil villain.
The hole in my heart grows bigger.
How do I fix my life?