44. Chapter 44
Chapter 44
Chloe
A film of nastiness coats my teeth. I can smell my own bad breath. Cracking my eyes open takes way more effort than it should. My mascara and tears from last night created a sealant. I’m not sure I’ll have any eyelashes left after using my fingers to pry my eyelids open.
Bright sunlight shines through the cracks in my blinds. Without looking at my clock, I can tell it’s late morning, possibly early afternoon. Staggering to the bathroom, I get a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Yikes. I look like a mix between a raccoon and Medusa.
I came in here just to pee and brush my teeth before going back to bed, but there’s no fixing this mess without a complete hose-down. Hopping in the shower, I think about seeing Dawson yesterday. How mad I was when I thought he bailed on me, then how grateful when he showed up, worked his cute butt off, and saved the day with his family. There is no way I could have done everything without his help .
Standing under the water, I let it wash my shampoo and guilt over what happened to Finn away. The warm spray cleanses my negative thoughts of being like Mom. Chloe’s words from last night echo in my mind. “ You are in control of your life. Not your mom. Please stop letting your mom’s mistakes shut everyone out of your life. You can have Dawson and Finn, but only if you stop running every time there’s a mistake. It’s time for you to choose what it is you want, not what you want to avoid.”
Last night I decided I wanted Finn and Dawson back in my life. Today, I feel the same. Hopefully, Dawson wants that too.
I get out of the shower, and my phone pings with a text.
Daw-Bear: Are you awake? Do you still want to talk today?
Me: Yes and yes.
Daw-Bear: Do you mind coming to my house? I have something for you.
Me: [side-eye emoji] What is it?
Daw-Bear: A surprise.
Me: What kind of surprise?
Daw-Bear: If I tell you, it will ruin the surprise. But I promise you’ll like it.
Me: On my way.
I debate taking time to blow-dry my hair and put makeup on, but I decide to forgo getting ready. Braiding my hair as fast as my fingers can move, I get dressed in leggings and an oversized sweater and head to Dawson’s. Wings beat inside my stomach. I’m excited and nervous about this conversation. I’m hopeful but staying cautious until I see him in person and hear from his own mouth that he wants to try a relationship again.
I knock on his door, clasping my hands in front of me. It feels too stiff. I fold my arms across my chest, but it’s too confrontational. I’m in the middle of adjusting my arms again when the door swings wide. Dawson’s in gray joggers and a long sleeve black shirt. My eyes rake over his glorious form. My heart stops beating.
“Hey,” I say lamely.
“Hey, 007. Come on in.” He steps to the side, letting me enter his house.
I get my shoes off and hesitantly follow him. Silly me assumed we’d head to his couch, but he directs me to the island in his kitchen.
He pulls out a stool for me. I sit. Bowls of avocado, salsa, cilantro, lime, and sour cream are in front of me. Dawson goes to the oven, pulling out a pan and setting it on the stovetop. I sit up taller, trying to see around his back, but I can’t. All I know is it smells like eggs and some sort of meat .
After a moment of Dawson doing something I can’t see, he puts a plate in front of me. The dish is made of chips, crumbled meat, eggs, and cheese.
“Voilà,” Dawson says. “Breakfast nachos. We have eggs and tortilla chips for yellow. Avocado, lime, and cilantro for green. Salsa for red. Brown and white aren’t technically part of the rainbow, but at least I got a few more colors in here. And…” he pulls a glass bottle of root beer from behind his back, “a little something to represent Finn.”
I’ve never had breakfast nachos before, but based on the smell alone, I’m going to have a new favorite. And holy moly, Dawson did this for me? And he used my rainbow method? Plus gave me something to remind me of Finn? Tears pool in my eyes. I sniffle. I’m probably reading into this, but I really hope this means what I think it does. “I won the bet?”
“Since you did most of the festival on your own, yeah, you did. But for the record, I never agreed to it in the first place. This is more of a peace offering. The first time we mixed Finn, root beer, and nachos was a big disaster. I’m kind of hoping we can reset. That this isn’t game over for us.”
The entire reason we had the festival last night is because it was a bye week for the Utes. I didn’t get my beloved nachos. But Dawson found a way to get me my favorite food with a fun twist. This man has my heart. I take a bite, immediately moaning when the flavors hit my taste buds. Okay, I adore traditional nachos, but this is a ridiculous close second. The sausage mixed with the creaminess of the cheese, avocado, and sour cream, and then the crunch of the chip—it’s pure deliciousness. I’m adding this recipe to my repertoire. I take another bite, savoring the flavors blending perfectly.
“One more thing.” Dawson pulls out a box wrapped in pink paper, handing it to me.
I eye Dawson. He already got me nachos. What else is in here? Tearing open the package, I find an Adidas shoe box. Lifting the flap, a pair of red shoes rests inside. They’re exactly like the pair I had on at the opening Utah football game. Meeting his gaze again, I whisper, “Thank you.”
Seriously this man is the sweetest, most thoughtful human. Tears flood my eyes.
“Dawson—”
“Chlo—”
We say at the same time.
An awkward chuckle bubbles out of me. “Go ahead.”
Dawson comes around the island, sitting next to me. He takes my hand in his, running his thumb over my fingers. “I’m so sorry, 007. I overreacted when I met you at the doctor’s office the day Finn got hurt. My meeting with Carter didn’t go great. When Kate told me where you were and what had happened to Finn, the pressure and insecurity of not doing enough crushed me and I took it out on you. I know you would never purposely hurt Finn. I’m sorry I pushed you away. I have this habit of thinking I have to do everything on my own…especially when it comes to Finn. When things got tough, instead of relying on you for help, I thought our lives would be easier without you in the picture.”
He shakes his head. “Clearly, I made a mistake. We’re miserable without you, 007. I’m miserable. I can’t concentrate on anything. My patience with Finn is gone. I miss you so much it physically hurts. Can you forgive me and give us another chance?”
I’m flabbergasted he thinks this is entirely his fault. That I didn’t have anything to do with our breakup. “My answer is yes, as long as you can forgive me too. I took Finn’s accident as me repeating my mom’s mistakes and decided I wasn’t worthy to have you and Finn in my life because I wasn’t a perfect adult. That you both were better off without me. So I left you alone. But turns out, like you, I’m miserable too. Missing out on our sleepover, trick-or-treating together, and spending every night with one another sent me to a really dark place. Seeing you last night, us working together… Dawson, I’m better with you than I am without. And I don’t want to live a life where you’re not by my side because it’s not a life at all. It’s torture.”
He sighs, pulling me into him for a hug. “Oh, thank goodness.”
I rest the side of my face on his shoulder, inhaling his fresh, clean scent. Warmth seeps into me like a bag of tea in hot water. How did I ever think I could live without this? “I’m sorry, Dawson. Next time, I’ll do my best to talk through my issues instead of staying away.”
“And I will trust you and not push you out of our lives.”
I know we won’t be perfect at these promises. Our pasts won’t be easy to move on from, but I’m grateful we’re in a place where we can acknowledge what went wrong and do our best to work as a team to move forward. “What time are you picking Finn up from your parents?”
Dawson pulls back. “Is this your subtle way of asking how much time we have to make out, 007? ”
I bark out a laugh. “Not a bad idea, Smokey, but no. I was thinking the three of us could have dinner and watch a movie or play games together. As much as I want to be alone with you, I want to reassure Finn I’m his friend too.”
“And this is a huge part of why I love you. Your concern and affection for Finn is more than I could have ever hoped for.”
My jaw drops, my heart goes as gooey as frosting on a cinnamon roll, and more tears flood my eyes. “Did you just say what I think you said?”
He smiles, further melting me. “I absolutely did.”
Taking his face between my palms, I pull his face to mine, pressing my lips against his. “I love you too,” I say, mumbling against his mouth. “You are my everything.”
Dawson squeezes me tighter. Warmth spreads from my lips to my heart to my toes and everywhere in between.
It’s like we’re standing in a grove of massive trees and a huge breeze comes through, shaking loose a million autumn leaves. My heart sings and dances just like the leaves. I part my lips for Dawson, letting him take the lead on our kiss.
I love this man.
I love his goodness, kindness, loyalty, forgiveness, listening skills, festival planning abilities, hugs, and more importantly? How he makes me feel—loved and wanted as I am. He’s sweet and one hundred percent everything I need.
I kiss Dawson with every morsel of love I have for him.
I’m not perfect, and never will be, but it doesn’t mean I can’t have a family of my own. I’m not Mom and will do everything to make sure my husband and kids know how much I love them .
Starting right here, right now with Dawson.
“Chloe!” Finn exclaims when he comes in the front door.
Dawson’s parents offered to drop Finn off at home rather than Dawson having to go get him. I wouldn’t have minded a drive, but now I don’t have to face Dawson’s family again so soon. They’re sweet and I can’t wait to get to know them more, but right now I want to spend time with Finn and Dawson before adding more Reeds into the mix.
“Hey, bud!” I hug Finn. “How was your sleepover?”
“Grandma’s is the best! She lets me stay up late, sleep in as long as I want, and she made me pancakes for breakfast.”
“Wow. Sounds like you had an awesome time with your grandparents.”
“Yeah. But Dad said we have a present to open? Where is it?”
Dawson gives Finn a hug. “Come into the family room.”
I wonder what Carter got Dawson.
We all settle onto the couch. Dawson hands Finn the blue and red gift bag. Finn digs through the tissue, pulling out a small box wrapped in a blue bow. He lifts the lid, pulling out a few papers. Finn stares at the paper, his brows pulling together the longer he looks.
“What is it?” I ask.
Finn shrugs. “I dunno.”
Dawson takes the papers, reading what’s written. Light glows in Dawson’s eyes. “It’s a weekend getaway to Park City. We have lodging for two nights. Passes to Utah Olympic Park, and a gift card for food.”
Finn’s nose wrinkles. “Boring. I thought it was going to be something cool.”
Finn must not be aware of all the fun activities the Olympic Park has. “Uh, little man, at the Olympic Park you get to go on a really fast slide, a zip line, go tubing, ski jumping, and more. This is an awesome gift! You’ll have so much fun with your dad.”
My twin loves to keep people at a distance and put up this front that he doesn’t care about others. But this? Between my new phone and this weekend getaway for Dawson and Finn, Carter is absolutely the best brother in the world.
“Will you come with us?” Finn asks.
I shake my head. “I would love to, but I really think this gift needs to be for just you and your dad.”
“Chloe, you’re more than welcome to join us,” Dawson says.
I take Finn’s hand and Dawson’s in each of my own. “It’s not that I don’t want to be with you guys, because I do. But you’ve had quite the year, and I think a break from work and school, doing something you both love with each other, is exactly what you guys need. I promise to be here when you get back from your amazing trip and you can tell me all about it.”
Finn’s lips turn down. “It won’t be the same without you.”
I smile at the little boy who occupies a big chunk of my heart. “I know, but guess what? I’m not going anywhere. We’ll have lots of opportunities to be together. ”
“Really?” Finns asks, his wide eyes darting between Dawson and me.
Dawson squeezes my hand. “Now that the festival’s over, Chloe will have more time to spend with us.”
“ All my extra time. You’ll be sick of me soon.”
Finn shakes his head. “Not possible. I love when you’re here, Chloe.”
If my heart wasn’t already goo, this would do it. “I love being here too. You know why?” Thankfully, I won’t ever have to leave. Well, I don’t live here, but eventually? Yeah, I hope to call this place home.
“No. Why?”
I look at Finn directly, letting him see my eyes when I say, “Because I love you and your dad. A lot .”
Finn launches himself at me, wrapping his arms around my neck. “I love you too, Chloe. Does this mean we finally get to have our sleepover we missed?”
I look at Dawson, my gaze focusing on him and only him. “Yeah. I can’t wait to spend the night with you.”
Dawson’s brows rise. He mouths, “Same.”
I can’t wait for all the imperfectly perfect moments yet to come. With Finn and Smokey at my side, I know we can get through anything.