Chapter Twenty-Two
Mallory signs in at the security desk in the lobby of the office tower.
She swipes her ID card at the turnstiles guarding the elevator banks and checks her reflection in the chrome framework.
Then she stops herself: She’s just dropping off a file.
It doesn’t matter what she looks like. So why does she care?
The twenty-first floor is dark and quiet. Only one panel of overhead lights are turned on. It feels dreamlike to pass the empty reception desk and make her way down the hall to Gavin’s office without seeing another person or hearing a single phone ring.
Gavin is at his desk, sleeves rolled up, tie askew, head bent in deep concentration over a document. Mallory raps lightly on the doorframe.
“Knock knock,” she says.
He looks up and smiles wearily.
“Hey. Thanks for bringing that over.”
“Of course! I feel terrible you were looking for it and it wasn’t here.”
She reaches into her bag and retrieves the file, passing it to him. When he takes it from her hand, his fingers accidentally graze hers.
“Also, I want to apologize for this afternoon,” he says. “I realize that I maybe overstepped. It’s not my place to tell you what to do with your life. I did have to say what will or won’t work for me as your employer, but I should have left it at that.”
“Oh,” she says. “That’s okay. It was helpful, actually.”
“Really? I’m glad. Because I do feel strongly about your potential, and if I hadn’t spoken up today at lunch I know I would have regretted it.”
They lock eyes, and Mallory feels an undeniable little jolt.
“I’m glad you did,” she says. “It’s a confusing time for me.”
As soon as she hears herself say it she wants to take it back—it’s too personal. But then, Gavin admits, “It’s a confusing time for me, too.”
This is news to her. “You never seem confused. Your life seems extremely together and well-managed. So much so that being around you is making it impossible for me to accept the volatility in my own.”
He smiles. “That’s ironic. Because being around you makes it difficult for me to live with the predictability in mine.”
It’s hard to believe what she’s hearing. She never imagined he gave her a second thought outside of the office.
“What do you mean?”
He pauses a moment.
“I didn’t know you were a burlesque dancer.
But I had an idea you have some sort of other life—one that you’re keeping secret.
Sometimes you show up for work and there’s shiny stuff on your face—like glitter or something.
And I noticed you change into other clothes sometimes before leaving here.
I thought maybe you’re just a major clubber or something.
I didn’t know. And I wanted to ask you but knew it wasn’t appropriate.
But when I wondered where you were going, I found myself wishing I were going with you.
Not for the nightlife—just to spend time with you. ”
She looks at him, stunned. “I don’t know what to say.”
He shakes his head, eyes averted. “You don’t have to say anything. It’s completely inappropriate for me to be telling you this. And that’s why, regardless of what you decide to do with your legal career, it’s probably best if we don’t work together anymore.”
“You’re firing me?” she says incredulously.
She takes a step back and sits in one of the chairs facing his desk. Gavin looks as pained as she feels.
“No,” he says. “I’m suggesting you transition to another place of employment. I’ll do everything I can to help you find an even better position than you have here. I think opposing counsel in Klein v. Klein is looking for a paralegal.”
“I can’t believe this,” she says. “I quit the burlesque club tonight for this job.”
He closes his eyes for a second, frowning deeply. “I’m really sorry. This is my fault.”
He stands and starts pacing in front of the shelves stuffed with legal books. “I realize that even just having this conversation is inappropriate, but it’s a lose-lose situation for me, so I’d rather just be honest and deal with this as adults.”
“Deal with what?” she says.
He looks at her with dazzling blue eyes. “My attraction to you.”
She’s suddenly wide awake. Adrenaline races through her.
“Okay, well … I’m not going to quit.”
Gavin is surprised. He walks around to the front of his desk, facing her directly, and folds his arms over his chest.
“Mallory, please don’t make this more difficult for me than it is already.”
She stands up and moves close to him, so close she’s able to reach up and put her arms around him.
She’s not sure what’s behind the impulse, except it’s for her more than it’s for him.
After a long day of trying to think clearly and make difficult decisions, she’s finally exhausted her capacity for logic and is acting on pure impulse.
He makes no move to embrace her back, standing completely still.
“What are you doing?” he says.
“I’ve been thinking about you, too,” she says, and realizes it’s true. She breathes in the unfamiliar scent of him, resting her cheek on his shoulder. With her body pressed against his, she can feel that he’s hard.
“Are you going to quit?” he says, his voice husky.
“Maybe.”
“Well, you’d better go sit down until you decide.”
She doesn’t sit down. In that moment, she’s liberated from the misbelief that she’d never be attracted to anyone but Alec.
The idea that if she didn’t find a way to make her relationship with him work she’d never be happy was just a myth she told herself.
Standing there, holding Gavin Stone, she suspects she could be happy with another man—even if just for one night.
And she needs, for many reasons, to know what that would feel like.
“I quit,” she whispers, kissing his neck. Then, like a sleeping prince in a fairy tale brought to life by her touch, he presses his mouth against hers.
Gavin pulls her closer, his hands roaming slowly to her ass. It’s been so long since she kissed a man other than Alec. Her stomach feels like she’s on a roller coaster free fall.
They kiss like teenagers until Gavin pulls back. She’s breathing fast, from the kissing, but also from the feeling she’s just crossed some sort of point of no return in her relationship.
He leads her by the hand to the leather couch. Lord, he’s handsome. His eyes and his full lips and his thick head of hair. Had this somehow not registered before?
She sits next to him, trying to regulate her heartbeat. The intense way he’s looking at her doesn’t help. But she can tell he’s about to say something serious, and she tells herself to start thinking with her head and not her pussy. This whole thing is crazy.
“As much as I want you right now—and believe me, I can’t remember ever wanting anyone more—I’m afraid this is a bad idea,” he says.
He rakes his hand through his hair. He has the big strong wrists of an athlete. She wonders if he played a sport in college. There’s so much she doesn’t know about him.
“I get it,” she says. The truth is, in that moment, she doesn’t agree. Not at all.
They lock eyes, and she leans in and kisses him and he pulls her to him with an urgency that contradicts his objections.
She climbs on top of him, straddling him, making contact with his erection.
His hands wind through her hair, and their mouths clash together, teeth against teeth.
She wants to put her hands in his pants, to feed his cock into herself.
Her phone rings, an unwelcome intrusion of reality.
“I should get that,” she says, jumping up to get her bag. It’s got to be Alec, imploring her to come home.
But the call isn’t from Alec. It’s Bette.
“Hey, is everything okay?” Mallory says quickly. “Because I’m actually—”
“No, of course it’s not okay! Did you just quit the Blue Angel?”
Mallory can’t believe it: She knows the burlesque world is small and gossipy, but this is outrageous.
“I can’t talk about it right now.”
“Me neither—I’m heading into the subway,” Bette says. “So meet me at the address I’m going to text you.”
There’s no way she’s making another stop tonight. She needs to get home, even if that means dealing with the pain and awkwardness of facing Alec.
“I should go,” she tells Gavin.
“Of course. It’s late,” he says
“But I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Mallory …”
“Because I need to work. So until I find another job, I’ll be here. At my desk. To work.”
He nods. “Fair enough.”
She lingers for a few seconds, feeling like there must be something more to say.
But there isn’t. At least, not tonight. But once she reaches the street, debating if she should take the subway or a cab, she changes her mind about going home.
She can’t face Alec after all.