Chapter 42
Hunter
I can’t stop thinking about what I said to Jade over lunch. I pretty much came out and told her I love her.
Shit.
Do I love her?
Fucked if I know.
It’s been a long time since I told a woman I love them, giving them the power to crush my heart. And the last woman I did, she took my heart, stomped all over it, and fucking did it with a smile on her face. But I want to give my heart to Tink. I know I can trust her with it. I wasn’t lying when I told her I wanted more because of her. I don’t mean material shit, I mean just everything. The unicorns and fucking rainbows. For fucks sake I sound like such a sap.
Hunter - Drinks?
Leo - Bit early isn’t it?
Hunter - Since when has that been a problem?
Leo - You’re a bad influence.
Hunter - I saw you with a glass of scotch at our morning meeting, I don’t think I’m the bad influence.
Leo - I had a rough morning.
Hunter – Explain.
Leo - Nope.
Grabbing my jacket I head towards Leo’s office, nodding at his PA who lets me know I can go straight in. Leo’s on the phone when I enter. He takes one look at me and a shit eating grin spreads across his face. “Got to go, your brother’s just walked in, and from the look on his face, you’re completely right. We’ll be fighting for that best man title very soon.” I roll my eyes and throw him his jacket.
“Move it asshole, and you're buying.”
He stands and slips into his jacket. He slaps me on the shoulder when he reaches where I’m standing not so patiently. “This is going to be one of those serious chats isn’t it?”
“I should have called Deacon.” I release a heavy sigh as I rake my fingers through my hair.
“I can be serious.” He straightens his posture as we move through the office, and onto the street and to the bar opposite.
“Doubtful.”
We take a seat at the bar and order our drinks and I groan when I take in my so called best friend’s face. “Stop looking at me like that, I’m going to have nightmares.”
“Oh come on man I know what this is about. I’m just happy for you. And no one would have nightmares about this face. It’s the face wet dreams are made of.”
“Not mine.”
“Come on. Tell me everything.” Placing his chin on his hands, he flutters his eyelashes at me like we’re teenage girls about to gossip about our first crush.
“You have a problem?”
“Yes I do, it's called ‘my best friend is keeping secrets’. We tell each other everything.” Oh, for fuck’s sake, the man is pouting. “Just admit it. You're in love with your hot as sin associate.” And of course, this is the moment for our server to come over.
Fuck .
Now I know why last time I was here the server was looking at me strangely. She wasn’t someone I had slept with, it was Trixie. “Gentleman, what can I get for you?” Brilliant, now she’s grinning at me in the same way.
Fuck my life .
I’m going to have recurring stress dreams about their manic faces.
“Trixie.” I nod and Leo’s face morphs from psychotic to confused. A more normal look on him.
“You two know each other?”
“Yep,” I say as Trixie says, “Hunter here is dating my hot as sin best friend. And apparently is in love with her.” She raises her eyebrows. “Does she know?”
I throw myself back into the booth. “Seriously, can’t a man catch a break?”
“Well?” she continues.
“I’ll have a double scotch, and I’m assuming this asshole will have the same.”
“Not what I meant, Hunter.” She’s still staring at me, arms crossed, wearing a look that is making my balls retreat.
“I know you didn’t.” Absentmindedly, I mess with the menu in the center of the table. “Yeah, I’m in love with her. It sort of hit me at lunch and I’m slightly freaking out about it.” My voice is a little anxious as I say the words out loud.
“No kidding,” Leo chips in.
“Why are you freaking out?” Trixie asks.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve told a woman I love them.” Leo nods his understanding. I'm not going into that with Trixie. I need to explain everything to Jade first. “I know this sounds like an asshole thing to say but, women never meant anything to me. I was all about the single life. And work and a relationship wouldn’t fit. But Jade, she’s different. She’s making me different and that’s a good thing, but what if she doesn’t feel the same? I know she’s driven, and I fucking love that about her, but can she see a life with me?”
“Okay there’s a lot to digest there and my manager is looking at me because I’ve been at your table for a while, so I’ll say this quickly. Don’t sit there thinking about the what if’s. Life is short. You want something, you go and fucking get it, because if you don’t someone else will.”
She sounds like she’s talking from experience making me wonder what she wants that she hasn’t grabbed with both hands.
“Look I know Jade. I’ve known her for a long time. Honestly, I’ve not seen her this happy or wrapped up in someone. Work has always been her main priority, and idiots like Dave took her for granted. They couldn’t see what a truly amazing woman she is. She never made her partners her priority but she took a weekend off work and went away with you, she has never done that. Always wanted to be available if the office needed her, but you,” she shakes her head, “you, she switches off for. She makes you her priority. So please, if what you’re saying is true and you do love her, don’t make her anything other than your priority, because if you break her heart, trust me I don’t care who you are and how much money you have, I will hurt you, and do it with a fucking smile on my face.”
With that she walks off, leaving me and Leo to pick our jaws up from the floor.
“Erm, what she said.”
“She’s right though. I need to stop worrying about the bad things that could happen and focus on what an amazing life I could be having with Jade.”
“Shit, does Trixie have this booth bugged?” He starts feeling around under the table.
“Jesus, you’re insane. Remind me again why we’re friends?”
“Because I’m one of those people who you can’t live without, big shot. You love me.” He flutters his eyelashes at me.
“Fuck my life.” I’m now smiling as I feel like a weight has been lifted. I do love Jade. I just need to work out how I’m going to tell her.
I can’t resist texting Jade when I get home.
Hunter - Hey, Tink. How’s your mom?
Jade – Hey, yourself. She’s okay.
Right, we all know what the word ‘okay’ means. It means she’s not okay and I need to find out what’s wrong and fix it. I press call, and she picks up on the second ring.
“Hi.” Her voice is soft, a hint of sadness in her tone.
“What’s going on, Tink?”
“How do you always know when I’m struggling?” I can tell she’s holding back tears.
“Shit, Tink, what is going on? I don’t like you being this upset, and I can’t hold you.”
“Mum she… She just wasn’t in a good way when I went round tonight. I’m fine, just having a moment. How was the rest of your day?”
“Please don’t deflect, Jade you’re hurting, you can’t bottle it up. I’m coming over.” A sense of urgency in my voice as my heart hammers in my chest. I’m already rushing back out of my door before she answers.
“No, please you don’t have to do that. I'm okay, I swear,” she pleads.
There’s that damn word again.
“I know I don’t have to, but I want to. When you hurt, I hurt, Tink.” I rub at the ache forming in my chest.
There’s a short pause and then she whispers, “Okay.”
I sag with relief that she isn’t pushing me away. “I’m on my way.” Those three little words are on the tip of my tongue. I want to tell her but now’s not the time.
When I get to her apartment, Lily buzzes me up. “Hey, she’s in her room. I've not really seen her tonight. She isn’t doing too well look after her yeah?” I see the worry and love in her eyes. My girl has three seriously loyal friends by her side.
“I will always look after her.”
I knock quietly on her bedroom door before pushing it slowly open. The wind is knocked clean out of my chest as my tiny pixie barrels into me. Picking her up, I carry her over to her bed.
I settle with her on my lap, rubbing circles on her back. I let her cry it all out, soaking my t-shirt with her tears. Eventually, her cries subside and she pulls away. She swipes at her cheeks tiny smudges of mascara gather under her eyes. Even broken she looks beautiful. “Sorry, I just can’t seem to pull myself together tonight.”
“Tell me what happened. I need to help you, Tink.”
She looks down and lightly strokes her fingers along my shoulder and down my biceps. It isn’t sexual. It seems to be a comfort thing for her as she keeps doing it again and again in a pattern. “Mum, she… she wasn’t herself tonight. I’ve never seen her angry like that. Not when she caught me stealing alcohol out of the cupboards at home, not when I was caught sneaking out to go to a nightclub underage, and not even when I crashed her car because I was too busy singing along to the radio and drove into a lamp post. Everything tonight made her mad. Poor Henry could do nothing right. And me? Well, she looked at me like I was…” She bites down on her lip to stop it from trembling.
“Like you were what, Tink?” I can’t stand the pain etched on her face. Feeling the pain squeeze inside my chest, I interlink our fingers, bringing them to my lips..
“Like I was a stranger. Throughout all of her treatment, she has always still been Mum. She was still there and fighting. But tonight she looked lost, like she’s given up. Never in this whole time has she not known me. As soon as she woke up from the coma she was asking for both me and Henry, desperate to fight this. But tonight, I feel like she’s drifting away. I’m scared. She isn’t getting better and I’m losing her. I can’t live without her.” With that, her voice breaks, her whole body heaving as sobs rip through her when she falls into my hold. I wrap her up tight and squeeze my eyes shut. My face is buried in her neck and I’m on the verge of tears myself. I don’t want her to see that. This isn’t about me.
I want to take all her hurt and pain and harbor it myself. I would gladly be in pain every day if it meant I would never see the sorrow in her eyes again.