Chapter 28
CHAPTER 28
JAMES
H ow did I find her? Anastasia Romanov was an angel sent to me from God and nobody will ever persuade me otherwise.
Despite the horrors that preceded it, I make love to Ana for the first time in my life. This isn’t sex, it’s a declaration. A meeting of minds and a promise to be better. If I’m to keep her, I must become the man she deserves, not the fucked up addict who used sex as a coping mechanism. That’s not what it’s about. It’s deeper than that and this is my promise to her.
Sex with Ana is a beautiful sin, dirty, delicious, and heals my ragged soul. She is like a clean breath of air that has entered my body and is blowing the shadows away, filling it with light and healing the open wounds. I have found the other half of my soul and there is no turning back now for me. She may think differently, which is why I’m not wasting a moment of the time we have left by sleeping.
We are lying in the tub, the heated water filled with relaxing oils, Ana resting between my legs as I gently soap her body. Candles burn around the room, their delicate light flickering in the darkness, creating an atmosphere of intimacy that I have never experienced before.
Her long hair is wet and plastered against her skin, which glows after several orgasms already.
“Tell me about your meeting.”
I hate to break the spell, but I’m curious and kind of think she needs to prepare herself.
She groans. “Titus, my older brother, wants us all there when he confronts mama.”
“How do you think she will react?”
“It won’t go well. Apparently, when Arman took Ellie to meet her, Titus confronted her then, and she left them in no doubt how hurt she was that they had even considered she was involved.”
“Then there’s your answer.”
Ana laughs bitterly. “Is it, James? If you were in her shoes and your children were asking if you had anything to do with their father’s death, what would you do?”
“I suppose.”
I rub the soap on her shoulders, and she groans as she leans into me.
“What if it’s true, and she was responsible? ”
“That’s the million dollar question.” She sighs. “I can’t answer that because it’s not something you can plan for. I’m guessing my brothers will be angry. Hell, so will I. If it’s true, she must have a very good reason though, because to my knowledge, they had a very happy marriage.”
“A woman scorned.”
I voice my thoughts and Ana nods, shifting to drag my lips down to her soft bruised ones.
I kiss her slowly, relishing every second of this. Knowing it may be some time before we get to do this again.
As she pulls away, she whispers, “If it’s true, I will hear her out because if Adele was right and it was because of Veronica, it kind of blurs the lines a little.”
She strokes my face lightly and her eyes shine as she whispers, “If I was faced with the thought of losing you to another woman, my heart would break. I couldn’t share you, James; I won’t share and if that terrifies you, tell me now because I want us to be on the same page.”
“I have no interest in anyone else.” My eyes bore deep into hers, as if to drive my point home.
“You may not like the monster who sleeps in your bed, but you need to know him before you make your decision.”
“What decision?”
“On whether I’m a man who is worth your loyalty.”
Uncertainty creeps into her eyes and I hate knowing I was the fool who put it there and my voice is wrapped in regret as I whisper, “I told you I have never brought a woman here before and it was true. You are the first.”
“That’s good though, right?”
She blinks as she waits for my next words to ruin the moment, and I nod. “I am a member of a club where I go to for sex.”
“A sex club?” Her eyes widen with horror.
“Yes. It’s not the usual kind, though.”
“Tell me.”
I hold her against me, afraid she will hate me when she realizes how depraved I really am.
“The members wear masks as anonymity is guaranteed because it’s all about the moment. The act of sex, not the emotional side.”
“It sounds cold.”
“It is. Anyway, anything goes as they say and you can fulfill your darkest fantasies with a willing companion.”
She shifts slightly but it’s not away. If anything, she moves closer and horror has been replaced with curiosity.
“Like what?”
I take a deep breath. “Bondage, whips, group sex, anything really. Kind of what Adele was into, but this time I was the one in charge. I suppose I needed it to cancel out what she did to me. If I controlled what happened and the woman was willing, it made everything, well, normal I guess.”
“I guess.”
She inches closer, her eyes bright, and she flutters her lashes and says coyly, “Will you take me there when I return?”
I’m so shocked I have no answer to her question and her eyes are bright as she whispers, “Please, James. I want to understand. It’s a huge part of you that I don’t know about and if I am to judge you on your choices, I must understand them first.”
“If it’s what you want, then of course I’ll take you, but it’s not for the faint of heart.”
“Good.”
Her eyes flash and a wicked smile lights her face. She takes my hand and presses it to her heart and whispers, “My heart has never been faint, James. You thought I’d be disgusted. I saw it in your eyes. You are wrong.”
She presses her lips against mine and whispers, “I’m curious and just a little turned on by it, if I’m honest.”
“Fuck, Ana.” I groan as her fingers curl around my cock and she grips it hard, crashing her lips against mine, the water spilling over the edge of the tub and as my vision blurs as she squeezes my balls, I swear even I would kill anyone who dares attempt to take her away from me.