Chapter Nine
What had she done? What had she done?! Elara ran, crashing through the receding water, the horrifying scene she fled flashing through her mind. Blackness; she had seen only blackness. And the bodies—gods. So many blank stares. She had done that. She had lost control.
She let out a sob, pushing against a wall as she rounded a corner and ground to a halt. What would Eli say now? He would refuse to help her—that she was sure of. Killing a room ful of his citizens? How would she be able to look Leo in the face? Or Merissa? Or Enzo?
Her breath began to come more and more shallowly, and she doubled over.
Her stomach heaved, and she began to retch, the blank stares following her, imprinted behind her eyes now.
Acidic bile spilled from her mouth and, to her horror, black liquid seeped within it, like tar, moving and snaking.
She screwed her eyes shut. ‘What’s happening to me?
’ she whispered. She battled on, not knowing exactly where she was going, only that it had to be far, far away from the pits.
She scrambled, tripping over herself, over bones picked clean by Stars knew what, trying to push away everything screaming to be let out of her.
When she felt her shadows writhe in her stomach she gagged once more, though this time it was an empty heave.
How had they done it? How had they taken on a will of their own?
Finally, the tunnel inclined, steeply, and she panted as she reached the circular door.
She pressed her ear to it, and upon hearing nothing on the other side threw her body against it.
She landed on the floor of the library, the room dim.
Above and around her, she could hear the distant wails and pleas of the crowd who had managed to escape—and the sound of a bell ringing in alarm.
She scrambled to her feet and dipped behind a door to a small study room that had been left open.
The shadows upon the walls—once a comfort, once friends—now struck a chord of fear within her.
She waited, hearing the sounds of the crowd quieten as they took to the streets.
Holding her breath, she slithered out of the room, slipping into a corridor of bookshelves.
She would wait it out if she had to, spend the night here, until she could escape this starsforsaken building safely.
She began to move down the shelves—the deeper she could go, the better—until finally the sound of voices was completely silenced.
The scent of books assuaged her fear only slightly, and she took a deep breath, letting go of her veil of illusions.
Just as well. A pit that she had thought bottomless when she’d awoken as the Moon seemingly wasn’t.
It was far deeper, far more powerful, yes.
But she could feel herself becoming fatigued, a dull ache growing behind her eyes and in her stomach.
She meandered a little further, left, then right, then right again, until she came to a dead end in the maze of books.
Growing ever wearier, she slumped to the floor, her back to the hard bookcase.
Small candles drifted in the air, enclosed in glass like ornaments.
She pulled one to her, holding it cupped between her hands as she gazed at the flame.
She closed her eyes, mouth trembling as the emotions she’d held in for days, bursting at their seams, finally tumbled out in a tear sliding down her face.
‘I miss you,’ she said to the flame as she reached out a finger, hovering it over the fire. ‘I miss you so much it hurts. As though half my heart has been carved away. It’s a bloodied wound without you, Enzo. I don’t know if it even still beats.’
She passed her finger over the flame, imagining that it was Enzo’s warmth she could feel. Another tear fell.
‘I don’t know what’s happening to me. What I did tonight—I fear even you finding out where my actions led me. I don’t know if you’d ever look at me the same again. I lost control—I don’t even remember what I did. And the people…men and women…I…’
She shook her head, her whole body beginning to convulse.
‘You would have the answers. I know you would. Where are you?’ She began to sob then.
‘You left me here.’ She cried, her chest hurting.
‘You left me in the dark. Alone. To navigate this entire new life by myself. The world is so cold without you. Where are you? Please, just come back to me. Find me, Enzo, when I come searching for you.’
She took a deep breath in. ‘I used to be so at home in the darkness, but I fear that now it’s drowning me. I…I barely recognize myself.’
Her finger drew too close to the glass, and she hissed as it burned the pad of her finger.
She blinked, setting it down as she wiped her tears.
A flicker caught her eye, and she spun round.
Upon the wall she could see a shadow stretching out towards her, forming a beak, then wings, gigantic and beastly.
She snatched her candle and—unsure whether it was another figment of her imagination or a mythas come to life—she ran.
Elara had no sense of the hour as she walked quickly through the cavernous main doors of the Great Library.
She snuck only a glance behind her, the library staring back—though mercifully it was now silent, any witnesses doubtlessly recounting the tale of the murderess of shadows to anyone who would listen. No crow followed her, no mob.
As though on cue, Elara heard a bell toll through the still night. ‘Massacre in the fighting pits!’ bellowed the town crier as he rounded the corner, now in full view of Elara. ‘Scores murdered. The work of the malevolent, immoral Starkiller—Princess Elara Bellereve, Darkwitch of Asteria!’
Elara curled in upon herself as she stepped beneath an archway, avoiding a rumbling carriage that splashed through the puddles gathering in the wet Castorian night, and waited for the town crier to pass.
As she looked into her reflection within the puddle, she saw what she had already assumed—Merissa’s glamour was gone.
How, she did not know. Perhaps her shadows had scrubbed it clean, revealing the face of a killer proudly.
She began to walk in the direction of the inn, praying that Merissa and Leo would be waiting there.
A sharp lurch in her stomach reared uninvited at the prospect of something awful having happened to them—kidnapped by Madame Miramere or held by Eli if the Star had somehow double-crossed them.
She shut the thoughts down immediately, sticking to the shadows of the city.
Another carriage rumbled past, but, to her chagrin, it halted beside her.
She kept her head down and cloak up as she continued to walk, hearing footsteps descend.
Hands pulled at her cloak, and she fought back a scream.
Someone had found her, was ready to claim their ten thousand midans.
But as she whirled, it was Eli’s pale face before hers, brow furrowed.
‘In,’ he ordered, and this time Elara did not fight him. She let him haul her into the carriage, leaving the blood and filth behind her.