Chapter Forty-One
ELARA
Elara walked in silence beside Enzo, Merissa and Leo a few paces behind, ruminating on Clari’s words.
You will have to kill your shadows.
‘I won’t do it,’ she said, shaking her head.
Enzo turned his head. ‘El, please reconsider.’
‘No,’ she said. And, gods, she hated how her voice trembled. ‘I’ve only just got them back.’
‘The healer said it herself, El. They’re rotten. Gone. And something else is in their place.’
‘There has to be another way.’ She noticed they were at the shore of the lilac lake, restaurants and taverns twinkling in a cosy glow around its edge.
‘There isn’t, or Clari would have told you.’
Elara shook her head. ‘We spent months awakening them. How can I kill them now?’
‘Elara,’ he said in a low voice, impatience straining it. ‘If you don’t, think of the consequences. You’re getting worse. I don’t want you to turn into whatever I saw in your dreams.’
‘So what? If I refuse, you’ll cut them out, just like that guard tried to do?’
And it was fear, she knew, that had her on the offensive, that made her spit the words.
‘Is that how little you think of me?’ he asked. When her eyes flicked to his they were dark, filled with pain.
‘No,’ she whispered, hating herself, hating the healer, hating the Stars but not Enzo, never Enzo.
‘Your magick will continue trying to control you, to kill me. To kill you,’ he said gently.
Elara bunched her fists as she stared him down.
‘This is the truth. You cannot run from it any more. If I don’t heal you, we may all be killed.’
Her mouth quivered as though she was going to say something, but she spun and began to walk away.
‘What’s wrong?’ Merissa asked as Elara passed her and Leo.
‘Ask him,’ she said, pointing a finger at Enzo before storming off along the shore to the nearest tavern.
Elara sat in a booth far away from the other punters, shaking; she didn’t know how long for. Tears escaped her as Enzo’s words replayed again and again in her mind.
Elara could never allow her shadows to harm Enzo. But they were the friends that had been trapped within her, that had sat in her body, trying to defend her and never able to, for Stars knew how long. She thought of her shadow within—the one that had seen every ugly part of her and stayed.
But Enzo had, too.
She heard steps approach and quickly swiped at her eyes while the figure sat down opposite her.
She’d expected Merissa, but it was Leo whose head emerged through her tears.
‘It’s me, the mediator,’ he said, pushing a swirling periwinkle elixir that glowed towards her. ‘Lavender juice. Said to remove stress.’
Elara sniffed. ‘He’s sent you, has he?’
‘No,’ Leo scoffed. ‘To the contrary. He’s as hard-headed as you. It would be amusing to watch if this wasn’t such a serious matter. The both of you so in love with each other that you’re fighting about your welfare.’
Elara made an amused sound. ‘I can’t let him do what he needs to.’
‘But you must,’ Leo sighed. ‘Because if not, Enzo is right. You could die. Or he could. Skies, if the ravers are right, the world will end should we give any power to this Dark.’
Elara let out a long groan of frustration.
‘I know.’ She swallowed. ‘I know that Clari is right. And Enzo, too. And I know he would never try to hurt me. It’s just…
’ She blinked rapidly, but the tears had already begun to spill once more.
‘For so long it was just me and my shadows. Even when they were trapped, when I was locked up in my palace, sometimes they were my only friends. Protecting me, protecting my emotions. When that guard came, they were as young as me, my shadows. And they fought tooth and claw against him, until they were hurt so irreparably that they never emerged again.’
‘I know,’ Leo said softly. ‘I know how much pain and strife you went through to bring them out. I know how much effort it took Enzo to help you with them too.’ He took her hand.
‘But as painful as it’s going to be to say goodbye to them, they have served their purpose.
You don’t have to do this today—you can take time to mourn them, and we will be right here waiting.
But remember: there is a new power within you, one that can’t shine while you’re still holding on to the darkness. ’
Elara nodded. ‘I just don’t know who I’ll be without it.’ And wasn’t that the whole problem? What lay beneath her magickal ailment? The emotional one—that she was lost and couldn’t find the way back to herself?
‘You’ll be Elara Bellereve. Queen of Asteria, Ruler of the Heavens, and Pain in my Arse.’ Elara chuckled as Leo grinned. ‘Because your magick doesn’t define you. You could have not a drop of it, and we’d all love you the same.’
‘You’re very diplomatic,’ Elara said, biting the inside of her cheek. ‘No wonder you’re a general.’
‘Gods, you must be quite ill if you’re complimenting me,’ Leo said, and Elara rolled her eyes.
‘I suppose I should find him.’
‘You should,’ Leo said. ‘Hurting you is the last thing he wants to do. But we have many worries on our shoulders. If this is the cure, being offered with open hands, don’t shun it.’
‘I think I need a little time alone first,’ she rasped.
Leo nodded. ‘I’ll leave you be. I’ve already paid for a few rooms upstairs if you need to rest.’