Chapter 22 #4
He sighed and brushed a hand through his hair. “I only needed you to find out from him where it was. If I know where to get the diamond, the rest would be child’s play.”
“But I’m supposed to be kidnapped,” I questioned.
“You would have escaped. Miraculously survived.”
“And when I got what you wanted? You would have thrown me away like yesterday’s trash.” I looked to him. “Or would I have disappeared? For good this time?”
He held my gaze, looking frayed. “I never leave loose ends.”
My chest caved, and I lowered my head between my knees. What a stupid, na?ve woman I’d been. Look where it got me. But what I wouldn’t give to go back in time to this morning. To wake with such happiness in my heart once more. So blissfully ignorant and blind to the truth.
“I guess I’m still a loose end, huh?” I asked bitterly.
“I would much rather rip out my own heart than kill you,” Grayson said mutedly, not looking at me. “I would rip it out with my bare hands right now, if it would make you feel any better.”
I stayed quiet. But a malicious part of me I never knew existed, wanted to tell him that it would make me feel better, just to watch him attempt it.
Grayson turned his body to me. “I love you, Ava.” He pressed a fist to his chest. “You made this cold, dead, fucking heart beat again. You’ve made me feel worthy of the air I’m breathing. Because if you, my perfect angel, could want me, only for a second, then I must be worth something.”
He pulled me towards him so I would face him.
A rock fell on his head. It was my crow.
Grayson sighed up at the bird, rubbing his head.
“Yeah, I deserved that.” He lowered his gaze to me again.
“And I know I would never deserve you, little witch. But I would do anything to make this go away. I would do anything for you to smile again.” He gently took my face in his hands, his eyes going misty.
“Even if it means letting you go, never seeing you again. If that’s what you want, Ava, if it’s what you need, I’ll take you home.
If that’s what it takes, I can do it. I can do it,” he said again, as if trying to convince himself.
He smoothed a finger over my trembling chin, trying to make it stop. I didn’t know what to think, what to feel. I was thinking and feeling too much. And all of those thoughts and feelings were just different kinds of agony, different kinds of burning. But I was burning, all the same.
“Those nights in the tent, in the woods. Was it real? Or was it a ruse so I would fall in love with you? The waterfall. Was it part of the plan?” A broken sob escaped me.
“The road trip home. The diner, the Inn. Had you bet on me choosing you? Choosing to stay? ‘Cause that was needed for your plan to work, wasn’t it? For me to believe I had a choice.” Something broke in me.
“Was any of it fucking real?” I screamed at him.
“All of it!” he screamed back, dropping his hands from my face. “Every single word, every single touch, every moment. All of it was real, Ava.”
I shook my head. “I don’t believe you. I don’t know how to believe you.” I was spinning out of control. I pressed my fists to my eyes, like I could press the thoughts out of my head.
For a long moment we sat in silence, while my head was screaming.
“From the moment I pulled that piece of shit off you, it was all over, Ava.” He paused.
“I had never felt such fear as I did when I heard your screams. Not since I was ten. I was so mad at myself, I could die. I’d let someone get the chance to hurt you.
My Ava.” He closed his eyes and took a steadying breath.
“The utter relief on your face when you looked up at me. That was the turning point, I think. I wanted to scoop you into my arms and burn the world around you for daring to hurt a hair on your head.”
He scoffed. “What a hypocrite,” he said to himself, under his breath.
Grayson took my hand in his, his fingers hesitant at first. “So don’t you for one second think it wasn’t all real. You are everything to me, Princess.”
Gods, how my heart ached. “You kept asking for my name, but you already knew it.” Why did that hurt the most? He already had a piece of me I thought I was keeping sacred, only to myself. He wasn’t truthful then; how could I trust him now?
“I was burning to say it out loud. To claim it for myself. To claim you.”
I said nothing. Just watched our hands. How his fingers caressed mine, not being able to feel it.
“Tell me what you need from me, Princess. Whatever you want, I’ll do it.”
What did I want? To go home. To be done with this. I’ve endured enough pain for one day. But where was home? I already knew. I looked up at him, slowly drowning in the emotion he was trying to hide—loss. He thought he had lost me. He was readying himself. Waiting for me to utter the death blow.
Did he not know yet? My soul belonged to him.
And gods, did I hate it. He’d battered and bruised it, but it was his.
No matter how far I ran, it would still be true.
He was home. The truth of it hit me like a brick to the stomach, that tether between us glowing hot.
No matter how much I wanted to break free of him, hate him, hurt him; my very being was his.
I would only be a whisper of a person if I ever decided to leave him.
A mere echo of myself. I would never be whole again; not without him.
But could I be whole with him? There was a small feeling nudging at me.
Was this heartache an omen? Surely it was dangerous for a man like him to own something as fragile as my soul.
He was still waiting on my answer. The life draining from his eyes with every second that ticked by. “Take me back to the cabin,” was all I said. He wasn’t sure what to make of it.
“Okay,” he said nonetheless, and got to his feet, his eyes not leaving mine, searching, waiting.
That was good. I thought it wise that he didn’t know how completely he had me. He pulled me to my feet, and I felt a bit unsteady. The world had tilted again.
Grayson stood still before me. There was something practically burning in him, something he wanted, so I waited. He stepped closer to me and lifted my chin, eliciting a swirl of emotions through me, as he brushed tendrils of my hair behind my ear.
“If this is it, Princess, grant me one more moment.” He swallowed thickly and went on when I didn’t protest. “One more memory to torture me. Let me kiss you. One last time.”
No. Yes. I didn’t know. Maybe I should. Let him think for a few more minutes that this was the last. I was still so sore, and I’d never had this impulse, but I wanted to retaliate.
I lifted my chin a fraction of an inch more to show my compliancy to his request. He blinked as if he didn’t expect it, then lowered his face to mine, brushing his lips so softly against mine that I melted.
I melted into him as he pressed his lips to mine, with such longing I wanted to die.
I let Grayson pull me against him, parted my lips for him, and let his goodbye destroy us.
When he finally let go, we were ragged, fraying apart at the seams. Yes, I could never be free of him. I would slowly combust, turning to ashes, little by little. I was sure of it.
He held on to my lifeless hand as we made our way back to the cabin. When we reached the bunker, the hatch was still open.
“Are they still in there?” I asked.
He cocked his head at the sets of tracks on the ground, studying them for a second, then nodded.
I pulled my hand from his, stepping inside and making my way down the stairs.
Gemma sat on the floor with her hands in her hair, while Hunter paced before her.
They both snapped their attention to me as they heard my footsteps on the last few steps.
Gemma sprang to her feet, her eyes still just as bewildered as before.
“Ava,” was all she said.
I looked over the board, at my picture, then back to her. “You knew. All that time, and you didn’t say anything.” The dagger was glowing hot in my spine.
Gemma nodded, tears staining her shirt darker.
Hunter reached for her, but she pushed his hand away.
“He’s my family, Ava. And that man had hurt him.
I didn’t like any of it, and I’m sorry for how it hurt you.
But you have to understand. I did it for Grayson.
He finally found a way, so I did what I had to, to help him.
He’d been looking out for me since the first day I met him.
I will always be there for him. Please understand,” she whispered the last part, pleadingly.
I turned to the board to hide my tears from them. I did understand. I knew their bond and how deep it ran. It was foolish of me to expect her to turn her back on it. I would have done the same thing had it been me. I was steeling myself right now to do exactly that.
I wiped at my tears and faced the three of them.
“Hunter is right.” If I was going to be part of this family, I had to be all in.
Against my better judgment, I wanted to be all in.
Even though Grayson had hurt me, I understood his motivations.
And even though he was ready to give it all up for me, I wouldn’t let him.
He didn’t deserve what had happened to him, and if I had to step in for Karma, I would.
I had thought Grayson was the monster, but I’d unwittingly spent the better half of two years with one at my table. He still sends me gifts on my birthday.
I blinked away that last thought. “I’ll do it.”
They all stared at me. Grayson was the first one to catch on to what I was saying. He stepped forward. “No,” he protested fiercely, quietly.
“I’ve made up my mind.” The finality of my decision rang clear in my words as I stared him down, daring him to say anything else.
He was speechless anyway.
“You would do that for Grayson? You would help him?” Hunter questioned, eyeing me intensely.
“Yes.” I would.
“Why?” came Grayson’s quiet inquiry. He sounded so fragile, so unlike the fierce man that stood before me.
“Because I love you too, you demented asshole.” I watched as the emotions flickered across his face, his eyes piercing mine.
Hunter stepped between us, pulling me back from the dark depths of Grayson’s eyes. I took Hunter’s outstretched hand, reflexively, still dazed by the things I saw in Grayson’s shadowy irises.
Hunter squeezed my hand tightly for a few moments, covering it with his other hand as well. I noticed then how full of emotion his own face was. His voice was thick, but clear when he spoke.
“Welcome to our family, Ava.”