Chapter 9
Nine
Silas
Was she baiting me on purpose? Mocking me?
Her vibrant green eyes flashed. “Why don’t you spell it out,” she said.
Rage and lust pounded through me. My head spun, my mouth had gone dry, and my cock was growing heavier by the second. “You,” I growled out. “You shattered everything I thought I wanted, Ursula, and you fucking know it.”
“I did no such thing. If anything was shattered, it was by you. I didn’t force you into bed, angel, you came willingly.”
I had. I’d never wanted anything more in my long life.
I’d let her lead me into temptation. I’d lain with a female, something I’d never done before, because resisting her had been impossible.
I drew in a desperate breath, filling my lungs with her intoxicating scent.
I was so close to her, but it wasn’t enough.
It was as if I were drawn to her by an invisible force.
“You made me want you, crave you, only you, then you took it all away and left me with nothing,” I snarled, surprising even myself.
“And whose fault was that?” she said, not stepping back, staying right there, a breath away.
“I told you that kiss with Uma was a mistake.” My voice was so deep and rough, I barely recognized it.
Her gaze slid down my chest, over my stomach, and lingered on my groin before meandering back up. “I know it was a mistake, Silas.”
Every muscle in my body jolted. “Then why have you…”
She pressed her finger to my lips. “I don’t want to talk about my twin anymore.” She pressed her hips against mine.
I sucked in a sharp breath. “What are you doing?”
“We have a truce, don’t we?”
I held her stunning gaze, looking for the rage, the hatred, there was nothing but hunger staring back. “Are you saying you want to—”
“Fuck?” She nipped my jaw.
I was struggling to breathe.
“We may as well, right?”
My breath shook as I tried to fucking think straight. I was so hard it hurt. I wanted this female more than anything. I’d missed her touch, missed being close to her, being inside her, and now she wanted to lie with me again? Like nothing had happened? “You despise me,” I choked out.
“I’d have to give a fuck about you to despise you, Silas.”
“Ursula…I, we can’t…” She worked my belt, undoing it.
I did give a fuck, though. It had taken me three years to get to the point that I accepted she didn’t want me and she never would again.
I’d made a deal with Michael, and sleeping with her again could risk everything, my wings, signing the book of alliance with Rosalind.
Yes, our pair bonding was nothing more than a friendship and a way to ensure the survival of our kind, but I’d made my decision, I’d made my peace with never being with Urs again, and now I was ready to throw it all away, throw my future away to be with her again.
“We shouldn’t do this…” She popped the button of my jeans.
“Not asking you to marry me, Si,” she said. “Fighting works me up, is all. I just want some help to ease the ache.” She licked her perfect lips. “If you’re not into it, I’m not going to force you.”
I growled, lost, falling fast and hard with no way to stop it, because this was Ursula and she wanted me. She wanted me again.
“Is that a no?”
I shook my head, and she released me, stepping back instantly, misunderstanding.
“No harm no foul. I’ll deal with it myself,” she said and winked, taking a step back. “If you don’t want me—”
I snatched her to me, thrusting my fingers into her hair, my arm locking too tightly around her small waist, but I couldn’t make myself loosen my hold. “I want you too fucking much.”
Her eyes flared, and when I didn’t make a move, her lips curled up, then she leaned in and nuzzled my jaw, her soft lips brushing my skin.
I stood frozen, wanting this more than anything yet afraid of what it would mean.
What would happen if she let me in? Would she only want me for the duration of the tournament?
Then she’d lock me out again when this was all over?
If she was playing with me, I wasn’t sure I would recover a second time.
But asking her for more, telling her any of that would scare her away.
She gave me a shove. I stepped back, taking her with me, still unable to let her go.
I backed up until I hit the wall behind me.
The first time we’d fucked, I’d been frozen as well.
She’d asked me if I wanted her, and I’d said yes, but I’d had no idea what to do.
She’d shown me. I knew now—I’d thought about and relived every time we were together over and over again—but I was frozen, just like the first time with her, the first time I’d ever been with any female, because like then, this meant too much, it meant everything to me, and I was afraid to want it, to give in to it and then lose her.
She leaned in and sucked one of my pierced nipples into her mouth, then tugged gently. Electricity shot through my gut. It was like she’d tugged on my cock. I groaned as pleasure slammed through me.
“I like these,” she said. “What made you get them?”
To punish myself. I couldn’t say that, though, and when she sucked and tugged on them, they felt far from a punishment. When I didn’t answer, she slid her hand down to the zipper of my jeans. “Don’t get all coy with me now, angel,” she said. “There has to be a reason.”
I sucked in a breath, humiliation washing through me as she slid down my zipper.
How could I have forgotten? I tried to jerk my hips back when she reached for my cock, but the wall was right there and I had nowhere to go.
Her fingers brushed my pierced and painfully hard erection when I tried to twist my hips away.
It was her turn to still. “Silas?”
I gritted my teeth.
“You pierced your dick as well?”
More humiliation burned my cheeks. There was no hiding it now, she’d felt them.
Her hand dipped down again, and I stayed perfectly still as she explored my hard flesh.
I couldn’t look at her, a mix of ecstasy at having her hands on me, even while I was sure of her disgust and confusion over what I’d done to myself.
My breath caught as she shoved my jeans lower and lifted my boxer briefs over my arousal, freeing it.
No doubt so she could get a better look at it, at the way I’d mutilated myself.
“That’s…so fucking hot,” she said.
My eyes snapped open. She was looking down at my cock, her lips slightly parted, her eyes wide and excited, not full of disgust. “You aren’t repulsed?”
Her eyes snapped up to mine. “Why would I be repulsed?”
“I thought… I assumed...”
Her brows snapped together. “You got them ’cause you like them, right?”
I said nothing. What could I say?
Her brows lowered. “Why did you get these, Silas?”
The way she was looking at me, the words just fell from my lips. A confession. An admission to my shame. “As penance.”
“For what?”
“For my sins.” I barely stopped myself from telling her that sin wasn’t the only reason. That I did this to myself for hurting her.
“And you thought what? That this would make you unattractive to females? That it would stop you from wanting to fuck?”
I nodded, my throat so damn tight.
She threw her head back and laughed, throaty and husky and so impossibly sexy that the clear drop of precome that had gathered at the tip of my cock, rolled down my length.
She shook her head, tutting, and yanked off her shirt, dropping it to the floor.
She undid her jeans and pushed them down next, kicking them aside.
“Do I have news for you,” she said, still chuckling.
“What you have here, Silas,” she said and removed her bra, “is called an enhancement. And as much as I hate to give you compliments, I will say, you already had an exceptional cock.”
“What?” I choked out.
“You know I find the whole horned-up, inexperienced, geek thing you have going on hot. But what you’ve done here, with this penance, is make me want to fuck you even more than I already did.
” She grabbed my length and ran her palm up and down it again, but more forcefully this time, tugging on each piercing as she did, and my knees almost gave out from under me.
“You’ve played with them. You’ve gotten yourself off, doesn’t it feel even more intense now? ”
I groaned as she stroked me again. “I haven’t.”
“You haven’t what?”
“Played with them. I haven’t touched myself since we were last together,” I blurted, lost to the feel of her hands on me.
Her fingers spasmed around my length. “You can’t be serious?”
I said nothing.
Her slender throat worked as she swallowed. “Well, then I have another surprise for you,” she said, not addressing what I had said. She didn’t want to talk about before, before everything went to hell between us, and I was glad of it. Talking about that only made things worse.
“What is it?” I rasped.
“You thought fucking was good before, prepare to have your mind blown.”
I was already in ecstasy, just from this, I wasn’t sure I could survive much more.
My breathing was ragged as fire blazed through my veins, making my head spin and blinding me to everything but her.
I wanted her more than was good for me. I tilted her head back and dragged my mouth up the side of her slender throat, desperate to taste her skin, to breathe in her delicious scent.
I traveled higher, brushing her soft mouth with mine, then took ownership of it, glorying in the sensation of her silky lips.
I’d dreamed of kissing her like this so many times.
Every damn night since the last time I’d had her mouth under mine.
I shuddered, my body trembling hard, and I had no control over any of it.
I groaned against her lips. “You undo me.” My hips rocked forward into her hand, and I pressed my face to her shoulder. “I am lost in your hands. I am lost, my perfect, precious Ursula,” I choked out.
She stroked me again, and again. I wanted to lie beside her, to slowly fill her tight heat and revel in her perfection, but it had been so very long since I’d allowed myself to experience pleasure like this, and this was Ursula. She was back in my arms.
“Let go, Silas,” she said. “It’s okay.”
I did. I let go. I shuddered and gasped as she stroked me, groaning against her throat as I spilled my seed on her hand, on the bare skin of her stomach.
My hips rocked, thrusting into her hold until I was completely spent.
I stayed where I was, curled around my female, panting, trying to collect myself.
Her hand slid down my side, then her spine went rigid and her hand fell away. I swayed, quickly catching myself as she unceremoniously stepped back. I reached for her, but she took another step away from me. I scanned her face. Something had changed. The heat was gone.
Everything was gone.
“Urs?” I took a step toward her, and again she retreated. “Did I do something to offend you?” I looked down at my cock, it was still hard. I looked back up. “I know I spilled my seed, but I can still pleasure you. I can make you feel good.”
“You didn’t offend me. I thought I was into this…with you,” she said and crossed her arms. “I’m just not feeling it anymore.”
“You’re not feeling it?” Why was she saying this? She wanted me, badly, and now suddenly she didn’t?
“Us, doing this, it’s a bad idea,” she said. “I forgot. For a moment, I forgot. I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry?” I choked out. “Is this another way for you to punish me?”
Her head jerked back. “No.”
“You made me think you wanted me, you…you enticed me, touched me, now you’re just not into it anymore?”
“A girl can change her mine, Silas. You got off, what’s the problem?” she said, her expression blank now.
Hurt, anger, embarrassment, it all throbbed through me. “Haven’t I paid for my mistake enough? Are you going to continue to punish me for kissing Uma, for a fucking eternity?”
“I told you, it’s not about Uma. I’m over that.”
“Then what is it?” I bit out, barely holding my emotions in check.
She narrowed her eyes at me. “Best you adjust your tone.”
“Ursula,” I said again as she strode from my room.
“Sleep it off. We have work to do in the morning.”
Then her door slammed after her, the loud metal slide of the lock engaging, letting me know in no uncertain terms to leave her alone.
I stood at my door, looking across to hers. I was still hard for her, while my heart was a shredded mess in my chest.
I’d fucked everything up between us again, and this time, I had no idea how.