Chapter 21 #2
His lips curled up on one side. Gracing me with one of his very rare smiles, smiles that were usually only reserved for his mate and child, he lifted his hands in surrender. “Not enough to take you on.”
When he smiled like that, he was so like Lucifer it was startling. We walked into the elevator, and he hit one of the buttons to go up. “You always were the smartest knight, Zen.”
“No shit.”
“So what am I walking into here?” I said. “This some kind of ambush? Or just a run-of-the-mill interrogation?” Before he could answer, the door slid open to a room full of knights, who all turned my way. “Interrogation it is.”
“Urs,” Chaos said, as I strode forward. “Thanks for coming.”
“I mean, I’d rather be anywhere but here, if you want the truth.
Silas isn’t exactly my favorite topic of conversation right now.
” What was the point in lying? They knew our history, they saw me stab him after he surrendered and fucked our chances of winning.
“Not sure what I can tell you. He fucked me over like the traitor he is, and just a heads-up, if I see him again, I plan on killing him.” I didn’t give a fuck that Lucifer had forbidden it. If I got my chance, I was taking it.
“You really believe he set out to sabotage your team?” Gunner asked.
“You saw his wings. He surrendered to get them back. Uriel was in the stands. I saw the looks pass between him and Silas. Someone got to him before the tournament, probably his female.”
“Female?” Rocco said. “What female?”
“Rosalind,” Zenon said.
At the sound of her name, my fingers curled into a tight fist. Why the fuck did I care? He was gone. I should be thrilled to see the back of that asshole.
“Never heard him talk about a female named Rosalind,” Kryos said, his gaze sliding to me. Did he expect me to lose my shit and start crying?
“I thought angels were celibate?” Tobias said, looking disgusted by the notion. “At least those who haven’t fallen.”
“Apparently they’re paired up, and once they sign the book of alliance, they’re allowed to fuck for procreation only,” I said, struggling to swallow past my now dry throat. Is that what he was doing now? Was he up there with Rosalind procreating her brains out?
“That shit’s messed up,” Laz said. “No wonder most of them are twisted fucking psychopaths.”
Kryos snorted. “Are you saying that if you were forced to abstain, you’d lose your mind?”
Rocco threw up his arms. “Wouldn’t you?”
They all looked seriously disconcerted as they pondered that one.
This conversation needed some redirecting. “Well, this Rosalind…” Saying her name made me want to spit on the floor like it was charcoal in my mouth. “She waved to him when we walked into the arena, and he waved back.”
“That doesn’t mean anything. Silas is polite to a fault,” Gun said.
“Yeah, but she made a beeline for him after it all went down. The way they were all huddled talking…it was planned.”
“How was he with you?” Zenon asked, and I was pretty sure I saw him wince at having to ask.
“How was he?” I tapped my lips. “He was like he always is, a duplicitous liar. Pretending he’s all goodness and light, while doing his best to conceal the empty, cold vessel he is.
He played the part of the loyal teammate all too well.
He convinced me he was trying to make amends, then stabbed me in the back—”
“Cold? Empty vessel?” Kryos said. “That’s what you get when you’re with him?”
“I’ve searched for more, believe me, but there is nothing there.”
“Urs, that doesn’t sound like Silas,” Chaos said. “Not at all.”
I planted my hands on my hips. “Are you saying I’m lying or that my powers are defective?”
He shook his head. “I’m saying, Silas has been a loyal brother to us. He protects and cares for our mates and children. He fights by our sides. Has he struggled without his wings and without a good portion of his power? Yeah, of course. But he wouldn’t just leave like that, not without telling us.”
Chaos leveled me with a look. “You two haven’t been on the best of terms the last few years. Maybe your judgment is—”
“We made a truce,” I forced out, feeling like a fucking fool.
“Until the tournament was over, I put aside my issues with him for the good of Hell. I took his back through every event.” And he’d taken mine, but it hadn’t been about me, it had been about knocking out the competitors and getting us to the final event so he could help the angels win.
It had just been another way to get me to lower my guard and trust him so he could fuck me over.
“He’d been hoping to get you to forgive him,” Laz said. “Before he left, he admitted as much to us.”
“That may be so, but only so I’d lower my guard, so I’d be blind to what he had planned. Have you tried calling out to him?” I asked Zenon, since he’d always been the closest to Silas.
He nodded.
“And?”
“Nothing.”
“Because he doesn’t need you anymore. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but the Silas you thought you knew was a fucking lie. He’s just been killing time here until his real brothers would take him back.”
“Maybe she’s right,” Lazarus said.
“We all know you and Silas have had issues over the years, Laz, but do you really think he was faking it? All this time here with us, protecting our females, doting on our kids, taking our backs night after night? You really believe that shit?” Roc said.
“I don’t want to, but what else am I supposed to believe?
He’s not here. He’s ignoring Zen.” Laz shoved his fingers through his hair.
“And though no one is saying it, he tapped out. He fucking surrendered when we could all see that he had Nathaniel. He would’ve won, they should have won, and right after he did that shit, he got his wings back.
There’s no explaining that away. Those are facts. ”
“I saw what you did, we all did, still not one part of me believes Silas would fuck everyone over and just leave like that,” Gun said. “He just wouldn’t.”
“He already did,” I said. “He sure as fuck isn’t here.” These males were good, loyal, they believed the best in those they trusted. It might be hard for them to get their heads around Silas’s duplicity, but they would when he didn’t come back or make any attempt to explain himself.
Chaos rubbed a hand over his shaved head. “Sorry for dragging you here, Urs. I guess we were hoping for some clarity, but I’m not sure we’re gonna get that without talking to Silas.”
They’d be waiting a long time.
I left a short time later and opened a gateway directly into my apartment in Hell.
I didn’t want to see anyone, and as much as I loved my sisters, they’d want to talk it out, or murder someone.
The former wasn’t something I could handle just then, and the latter was an impossibility since my target was hiding in Heaven like a fucking coward.
I strode up to the window and stared down at the burning river flowing below.
A female Vysan swam leisurely past while her young jumped and splashed around her.
Glittering rock shot up on one side of the river.
It was covered in flame beetles, their little abdomens flickering like embers, making it look like a wall of fairy lights.
Hell was dark in some places, especially here in Lucifer’s quadrant, but the light changed when night fell.
There was no sun, but we had our own version of a sunset.
The shadows deepened and the burning river glowed, causing oranges, reds, and yellows to dance high above the molten rapids, the light swirled and dipped around the outcroppings and jagged contours of the glossy onyx stone high above it, like our own Hellish version of the aurora borealis.
It was mesmerizing. Beautiful. And more than once, I’d imagined showing Silas the view from this window.
Stupid, impossible. He was whole again, an angel with his wings and full power, which meant bringing him here wouldn’t be possible.
Not that I wanted to anymore, right? Even thinking like this was masochistic.
I got Gunner’s confusion though. During our time in the tournament, I’d started to believe Silas actually cared, until I’d allowed myself to look more closely—and even seeing the cold void inside him, deep down I’d wondered if it was me, not him—that there was something wrong with me.
Were my powers faulty, was I searching in the wrong place?
Because how could a being look at someone the way he’d looked at me and it all be a lie?
Gods, the way he’d held me, touched me—kissed me. How could that all have been fake?
I shoved my fingers through my hair. Stop.
Where was he now?
As far as he could get from me.
Was he with Rosalind?
Don’t go there.
But I couldn’t stop the thoughts from coming. Had he kissed her? Fucked her?
My axe was in my hand and flying across the room before I realized it was happening, a cry full of the raw anger burning in my chest. The wide blade sunk into my door almost all the way to the handle.
Gasping, I leaned over, gripping my thighs and tried to breathe, trying not to hyperventilate.
“Fuck,” I choked out. “Stop it. Fucking stop.”
If I could, I’d cut this feeling out of me.
I’d hack the weakness inside me to pieces and set it on fire until it was nothing but ash.
That wasn’t possible though. The only way to make this agony go away was to eliminate the person causing my pain.
Silas was my weakness. No one had hurt me like he had.
I couldn’t move through this world knowing that if he chose to come back, if he begged me to forgive him, that even after everything—I might just do it.
A cold sweat broke out all over me. No, I couldn’t have that.
I couldn’t be this pathetic creature he’d made me.
Loving someone who didn’t give a fuck about me wasn’t the problem.
What I couldn’t tolerate? What I couldn’t allow to go unpunished?
Being betrayed and humiliated twice by the same fucking male.
I had never let disrespect go unanswered, and I couldn’t now.
My position among my sisters, as one of Lucifer’s warriors, was all I had left.
If our enemies heard about this, and they would, they’d see me as the weak creature Silas had made me, easily defeated, ruled by my emotion.
I couldn’t have that, and no matter how much it would fuck me up, I meant what I’d said to the knights. If I saw Silas again, I was going to kill him.