Chapter 38
Tai
The sun is lower in the sky when the sound of running water wakes me. “Fuck,” I groan as I sit up and rub my eyes. “How long did I sleep?”
“A few hours,” Connor calls from the bathroom before stepping out into the room. Water droplets dot his face, and his facial hair is groomed like he just trimmed it. “You needed the rest.”
Khaki pants hug his tree-trunk thighs, and my favorite hunter-green shirt strains against his biceps and chest. His small bulge of a belly is barely visible where the fabric drapes away from his body.
“Stop looking at me like that,” he warns as he dries his face and pushes his hair back. It’s gotten longer, and the waves now drape over his nape and hang loosely on his forehead.
“Like what?” I ask innocently.
“Like you want to eat me for dinner.”
“I mean, I haven’t eaten yet. Could probably go for a protein shake.” My brows lift suggestively as I nod at his crotch. “You gonna shake for me, sweet thing?”
“Ask me again later, and I promise you the answer will be yes.”
I stand and stretch, glancing down at my sweats. “Why do you look like a snack? Do we need to meet up with the others?”
He presses a quick kiss to my temple. “Get dressed.”
I dig through my bag and grab a nice pair of jeans and a plain black shirt.
Once I’m ready, he takes my hand and leads me through the hall.
The hotel reserved a conference room for the band to use while we’re here, and as we approach, I catch Dante’s eyes through the cracked door. Connor tugs me along past it.
“Where are we going?” I ask.
He squeezes my hand with a grin. “On a date.”
“A date?” I repeat.
“Yeah, you know… it’s this thing where two people who enjoy each other’s company go out and do something fun.”
“Thank you for that,” I say dryly before climbing into my seat and buckling in. “Where are we going?”
At my age, I’ve been on plenty of dates, but it hits me that I’ve never been on a date with him. Not a real one, at least, because our days at the resort don’t count. Ever since our reunion, we’ve been surrounded by the band and crew, only stealing time alone in the privacy of our room.
Connor shoots me a sideways glance as he tries to conceal his amusement. “You just sit back and let me take care of you.”
We drive for a while before the road turns to follow along the River Thames, and I grin as a memory emerges from a dusty corner in my mind. “The only reason I know how to pronounce that is because of a book I read in elementary school.”
“Thames Doesn’t Rhyme with James?” he asks.
“That’s the one.”
“I’d forgotten about that book,” he says with a soft smile. “I wasn’t the world’s best reader as a kid, but I was still stubborn as fuck. I picked that one up because I didn’t believe the title. I was convinced Thames did rhyme with James, and I was going to prove it wrong.”
Our fingers weave together over his thigh. “You weren’t much of a reader?”
“Nah, I’ve never been the smartest guy in the room,” he says.
My protective instincts surge as I open my mouth to argue, but I catch the thoughtful expression on his face and decide not to interrupt.
“My strengths have always been in working with my hands and dealing with people,” he continues. “Academia isn’t really my strong suit.”
“You went to college with Andrew,” I point out.
He nods. “Later in life, though. For a long time, I worked as a boxing trainer under someone else. One day I got this wild idea to start the gym, and the thought just wouldn’t let me go.
So I went with it—rented the space, set up the equipment, looked for clients.
I ran it on nothing but pure intuition and a healthy dose of trial and error. ”
“Seems like you did pretty well.”
“I told you I’m stubborn,” he says with a quiet chuckle. “After a while, I decided that instinct could only get me so far and enrolled in business management classes. Thought I’d learn something besides how to properly punch a guy in the face.”
“How did that go? Did it help like you wanted it to?”
Connor shrugs, suddenly uncomfortable. “I picked up a few things that helped, but I didn’t…
” He releases a long exhale, focused on the road.
“I never finished. No matter how hard I tried, it just wasn’t for me.
My brain doesn’t hold on to information like that, and I started spending way too many late nights trying to keep up.
I stopped after three semesters. It seemed like a waste of money. ”
His heaviness gives me pause, and I give his hand a little shake. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“Yeah,” he absentmindedly agrees with a smile, but I can tell it’s forced.
“There seems to be more behind that answer than just yeah,” I hedge gently.
Connor nods slowly to himself, his cheek pulled between his teeth as he stares out the window.
“Growing up, my dad had a lot to say about my intelligence level… or lack thereof.” Anger curls in my stomach as I watch him get lost in the past. “There was a lot of name calling and insults. Even when I tried my hardest, my grades more often than not earned me a beating. It just varied between a palm, a switch, or a belt, depending on how bad they were.”
“Connor…”
His face scrunches as he shakes his head. “I’m not fucking stupid,” he mumbles, as if he’s arguing with himself.
It breaks me further, and I squeeze his hand, trying to bring him back into the present.
“There are thousands of things I’ve thought about you since we met.
Stupid is nowhere on the list. You’re a successful, kind, amazing man with his own business and a great life.
Fuck anyone who ever told you otherwise. ”
“I do have a pretty great life,” he agrees softly.
Another realization hits me as I mull on his comments. “That’s why you helped Dante with his abusive ex, isn’t it?”
He nods as he scrubs his hand over his chin, deep in thought. “Yeah. I’d been there before—holding your breath and waiting to see if someone was going to love you or hate you that day. If their hands would help you or hurt you.”
“That’s why you got so upset when you elbowed me.”
The muscles in his jaw flex as he clenches his teeth. “Yeah.”
It’s quiet for a moment, with only the hum of the tires as background noise. “Thank you for telling me,” I finally say. “Your dad was wrong, you know.”
He snorts. “How so?”
“Book smarts? Anyone can devote enough time to memorizing something if they really want to, but to have a heart like yours? One that gives so much more than it takes? That’s special.”
He gently brings our joined hands to his lips, leaving a soft kiss on the back of mine. “Thank you,” he whispers against my skin, then ducks his head and stares into the distance with a smile. “We’re here.”
I glance around at the busy seaport as he parks. “What’s here?”
Our fingers entwine once more as we walk toward the entrance.
“Earlier, you said that when you were in your head, you’d go to your favorite lookout and watch the sunset.
” He gestures at the Ferris wheel. “I know it’s not the same, but I thought it might help to get up in the air and away from reality. ”
“Connor,” I say as I stop walking.
He turns to face me, brows pinched. “Do you not—”
I crash into him with a kiss that cuts him off. “Just when I think you can’t get any more perfect, you manage to pull off something like this.”
He smiles, wrapping his arms around me. “Just trying to give you what you deserve, sweetheart. Come on. I had to pull a few strings to get us in so fast.”
“What sort of strings?”
“Name dropping, mostly,” he says with a chuckle. “Eric doesn’t know it yet, but I promised a signed album to the guys running the ticket booth.”
The workers go out of their way to be helpful, and we barely wait before we’re led to a giant glass capsule. Fifteen people could easily fit inside, but it’s only me and Connor as they close the door behind us. The sounds of the city are shut out, and it’s quiet.
I used to hate the quiet, but we’ve come to an understanding now.
Connor drops onto the middle bench and tugs me into his lap.
We sit like that, my back against his chest, as the Ferris wheel whirs to life.
The ground grows smaller beneath us until we’re looking out over the city like birds in flight.
The sun hits the horizon, and, even through the gray clouds, oranges and pinks explode into the sky.
Streams of light filter onto the river and buildings, and as Connor’s hands glide across my legs, I feel it.
The peace and acceptance that has eluded me for my entire life clicks into place, and my soul settles.
“Thank you for this,” I whisper.
His arms wrap around my chest as his lips drag along my shoulder. We say nothing else, just sit wrapped up in each other. When I stand and walk to the windows, he follows, like he can’t bear not touching me. Up here, everything is serene, and it’s exactly what I need in the chaos of our tour.
I’m not ready to leave our little bubble of calm as we make our way to the ground, and Connor must sense it. He drops another kiss to my neck, then behind my ear. “We’re not done yet.”
“No?” I ask, interest piqued.
“Come on.” He takes my hand again as the door opens to release us back into the noise and commotion of the real world. “One more surprise.”