23. Chloe
TWENTY-THREE
CHLOE
NOW
I never thought there would be a day when I’d be happy to get out of California.
I always thought it made sense that I was born and raised there.
I thrive in the sunshine, and Southern California has sunshine most of the year, even in the winter.
But my experiences in the sunny state have left me feeling cloudy.
I thought the trip to visit Anni’s family and Aimee’s party would make me feel nostalgic, like I would yearn to be back.
However, I don’t. In fact, I am craving a return to the foggy valley and the people in it.
My mind wanders to Tyler, as it does lately.
I never expected to meet someone like him when we moved here, and yet, I can’t imagine my life without him.
Even if it doesn’t feel permanent, Auburn Hills feels more like home than anywhere else.
As we approach Auburn Hills, after cresting the peak in the west, the road dips down, and you can practically see the entire town.
The small expanse of four sections is divided by Main Street in the center.
I look toward the hills in the north to try to see if I can make out Tyler’s ranch.
Then it hits me: Annika is moving out of our house.
This will be the first time in years that we will be living separately.
The codependent creature inside of me feels fearful, but another part of me can’t help but feel like this is what I need.
A wave of anxiety washes over me, but this time, I welcome it with open arms.
Annika and I enter our house, and the remaining boxes of Annika’s belongings nearly move me to tears.
Her clothes and books are almost packed up, and she’s started grabbing other things.
We only lived here for half a year, so we weren’t completely settled yet.
In fact, upon arrival, we signed a six-month lease with our landlord, Sheela, just in case the house wouldn’t be a good fit.
It worked out for us after all because Annika moved in with the love of her life, but it left me feeling a bit stranded.
Thank goodness I can rent Tyler’s cottage.
Tyler is another entire topic that both overwhelms me and excites me.
When Dane and I broke up for good, I made a private declaration to swear off love.
I even stopped reading romance novels for a long time because of the heartbreak that Dane left me with.
But the kisses with Tyler at the party has me reconsidering things.
The way he was protective of me, but also trusted me to talk to Dane.
Not to mention the near kiss when we were dancing.
My heart swells at the thought of having someone like that in my life.
But I still feel like bits of myself are scattered about, and I’m trying to find all the pieces to put back together.
Some of the pieces are lost, and I have no idea where to start looking.
Annika emerges from her room and stops short. “Why are you standing in the middle of the living room looking like a sad puppy?” she asks.
Dandy emerges from the kitchen, takes a big stretch, and catwalks over to me.
We stopped by to pick her up from Reid’s parents on our way back home.
I bend down to pick her up and give her a snuggle.
She immediately relaxes me. I knew I needed her comfort and couldn’t stand another day without her by my side.
“I’m reminiscing. I’m going to miss you,” I say, pouting dramatically.
“That’s it, I’m not moving. I’m going to call Reid right now.”
“No! You need to move—you and he need to be together already. I’ll be okay.
I’ll miss you, but I’ll be okay. Do you need help packing anything?
You still need to pack your postcard art,” I say, motioning up to the poster-size framed collection of all of Annika’s favorite postcards.
Some she and I found together at antique shows, some I’ve sent her over the course of our friendship.
“Reid is going to come over to help take it down since I used industrial-strength sticky tape to put it up there. Which reminds me,” she says and darts back into her room and comes back with a large frame, the back facing me.
“I made this for you.” She turns it around to show me a similar collage.
It’s about half the size of hers, and my eyes scan the postcards.
They are placed in a grid, some with the art side up and some with the writing side up.
The ones with the writing are postcards she’s sent me that I’ve had jammed in a memory box.
Others are from places we’ve both been and places we’ve said we’ve always wanted to visit.
Like New York City and Paris, even Philadelphia, because a book series we both love takes place there.
I feel my eyes welling with tears, and instead of hiding them, I let them pour out.
“I love it so much,” I say, setting down Dandy and taking the frame from her.
“We will always be together, no matter how far apart we physically are. I am so incredibly proud of you, Chloe. And if you ever need me, I’ll be there.”
“I know,” I say, throwing my arms around her in a big embrace.
“I’m just moving up the hill. Not going very far.”
Anni pulls back to give me a knowing look, as if she knows more than I do. “I can’t believe we are grown-ass women. When did that happen!” I laugh with tears streaming down my cheeks and hold her tighter.
We hug for a few minutes longer, and then she pats the back of my head. Annika always makes this small gesture when we hug, and it makes me feel so safe and comforted. Mia does it too I realized from our trip.
“I’m going to move into Tyler’s guesthouse,” I say as we separate and sit on the couch. I realize we may have to sell some of our furniture since both houses we are moving into already have furniture.
“Yes, I know.” She chuckles, wiping the tears from her cheeks. “Just up the hill. Hey … we never had a chance to talk about him. Since the trip,” she says, leaning back and grabbing Dandy to pet her.
“Nothing is going on.”
“Liar.” She pets Dandy in a way that resembles Dr. Evil.
“I mean, truthfully, I don’t know what’s going on between us. I love being his friend. But also, he’s really hot and I really like him. Oh, and we nearly kissed. Just a little. Okay, maybe we kissed a lot.”
Her mouth gapes open. “What! When? You never told me.”
“Uh, at the party.”
“If I can recall, you said, “NOTHING IS HAPPENING,” in all capital letters.”
“Well, I lied. To everyone. Even to myself, because there’s definitely something happening.”
“No wonder he’s down bad.”
“What do you mean?”
“The guy is obsessed with you—he looks like he’s about to melt whenever you are near him. Like he would move a mountain if you said it was in your way. Like he’d build a statue of you from scratch. Like—”
“Okay, I get it,” I say, cutting off Annika and exhaling. “We had a moment on the dance floor. It felt like we were the only two people in the room, then Dane interrupted us.”
“I can’t believe he was there. Ugh, Carly must’ve told him. That bitch.” Annika is aggressively petting Dandy, who is trying to escape from her clutches. I lean forward and rescue my cat before Annika rubs a bald patch on her head.
“It’s fine. I cleared the air and got some closure. Even if he ruined the moment between me and Tyler.”
“And now, you’re about to move to his guesthouse? Landlord-and-tenant forbidden love? I’m sure there’s a romance book about that somewhere.”
I cackle, then say, “Should I still move there? Does that complicate things?”
“Obviously, yeah. I guess you could stay with me and Reid for a bit, if you want to find a different place to live.”
“No, no. It will be fine. Tyler and I are great friends, things are just different between us now. In a good way, I think. I’ve never been friends with a guy before dating them.”
“It’s great, highly recommend,” Annika says, beaming. “Well, if it makes any difference, Tyler gets my seal of approval.”
“Wow, he should be honored.”
“Truly! I don’t give those out often.”
“He’s really great, isn’t he? He makes me feel safe but with the rush of an adventure. Like I can take on anything. Tyler makes me want to try hard things.”
“Chloe, please spare me the details of Tyler’s hard things.”
“That’s not what I mean!” I swat her arm.
“I want to face my fears of falling in love and try again. I want to volunteer at the animal shelter and set up a booth at the farmers’ market to draw portraits.
I want to travel the world, settle down, and have like ten kids.
I want to have a farm and a flower garden, but open a coffee shop.
I want to do everything, and for some reason, being with Tyler makes me feel like I can do it all. ”
I can’t read Annika’s expression. I wish I could tell what she’s thinking.
“What are you thinking?” I decide to ask.
“What I said to you at my parents’ house is true.
I want you to be happy, Chloe. But you tend to attach yourself to people.
And I don’t mean it in a way that’s bad or wrong.
But as a tale of caution. I want you to be able to explore what you want, without anything tied to anyone.
You should feel like you can do all those things.
With or without anyone by your side,” Annika reveals, wincing a bit.
I do too. Her words don’t feel great to hear, but I’m honest with myself enough to know it’s the truth.
I’ve attached myself to her most of my life.
She’s the reason I’m sitting in this little house, and I’m very aware that the same could happen if I decide to date Tyler.