Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
Autumn
“It was an accident,” I say on this FaceTime call to Meg. “I didn’t mean to kiss Ezra— again .”
Meg doesn’t look defeated or disappointed in me though. “Yeah, you did.”
My brows pinch. “No.” I just explained all this. “I didn’t.”
“Autumn, you don’t accidentally mold your lips to another human’s. That is something cheaters say. You aren’t a cheater.”
“No.” I wrench my shoulders back. I am not a cheater. But the determined look on my face falters. “But I still didn’t mean to.”
“Sweetie, it’s going to be okay.” She’s folding clothes, which feels like something you shouldn’t have to do in Hawaii. All my daydreams of never leaving the beach or my swimsuit are being smashed with my bestie actually living there.
“No, it isn’t,” I tell her. The fact that she just called me “sweetie” again is proof that nothing is okay.
“All right, let’s pretend that your face fell on his face. Then, both of your lips grew brains that neither of you could control and those lips just decided to make out with one another even though your real brain, not your lip brain, said, No, I’d rather not do that .” She huffs out a breath after that very long, very ridiculous explanation. “Even if that’s what happened, I promise, it’s still going to be okay.”
“I never said my lips grew their own brain, Meghan .”
"Ooo," she sings as if she were a ghost in a Disney Halloween special. "Full-naming me. Yikes .”
"Yeah, well, you deserve to be full-named. Because you aren't even listening to me. You're supposed to be on my side, even when I make zero sense at all! I was on your side when you didn't want to go to Hawaii and that was just plain dumb!" Each word comes quicker than the last. I am an auctioneer and I have to get all my thoughts out in one breath for them to count.
I puff as I run out of air and roll over in bed, telling myself I can get by just fine tomorrow on only five hours of sleep—that is, I’ll get five if I end this call right here and now.
“Hey! It’s Autumn,” Meg’s adorable husband, who lives way too far away, pokes his head into view. “ Aloha , Autumn. Are you ready to move to Hawaii yet?"
“Yes. Take me away, Kal! I’m ready.” Sure, I’m a little eager. I can’t help it. I’d ride away in a spaceship if one landed conveniently in my living room at this point.
His brows lift, surprised by my enthusiastic answer.
“Don’t mind her, honey. Autumn’s lips grew their own brain and decided to make out with an old boyfriend. She’s a little anxious.”
"Huh." He peers back into the phone at me. "You've got my very intelligent, sensible wife talking nonsense, Autumn. Kudos to you." He stands behind her and leans down to press a kiss on Meg's cheek before waving to me and walking out of view.
“She’s not all that sensible, Kalani! And she’s making fun of me! So, she may not be as nice as you think!” I bellow the last sentence as he’s out of the picture and possibly long gone. Not even all fun all the time Kal has time for my crazy.
“So, how was it?”
“You’ve lost me,” I say, repressing a yawn. It may be midnight here, but it’s only eight p.m. where Meg lives. I’m ready for bed while she’s ready to go out. Our time difference is putting a huge kink in my Meg time.
“The kiss.” Her brows bounce once. “Was it as good as the last one? Or like when you were in high school?”
I breathe out, thoughtful. It was better than good. It was sweet and tender and— mature . I didn’t know there was such a thing. I felt pretty grown up at eighteen. I wasn’t. Ezra’s hands, his lips, his voice—they’re all fairly grown up now. Grown and wise and so good at what they do. “That’s beside the point. We can’t just pick up where we left off.”
“Why not?” She sets her chin in her hand, staring at me.
I swallow and roll onto my back, holding my phone out so Meg can still see me. “Because a lot has changed in ten years.”
She sighs out a soft hum. “You’re right.”
I am? I am. I knew I was right. “So, what do I do?”
“Maybe get to know him again.”
But I’m not sure I want to.
What? We’ll talk and listen and catch up only so I can fall fast and hard and he can leave again ? That doesn’t sound awesome—not one bit. That sounds like something I will never recover from.
I really should have tried harder with Chip. I was so distracted on our date that we hardly talked at all—and then Dessie called and I asked him to abandon his nachos and take me to the cemetery.
“He can’t stay here.”
“Why not, sweetie?”
“Because he can’t live in the same town as his father. Besides, he never wanted a small town. He’s got bigger things waiting for him.” I huff out a shaky breath. “So, what’s the point?”
Meg tosses the blue-flowered shorts that belong to her hubby back into the laundry basket. “Okay, say all of that is true—”
I hold up a protesting hand. Does she think I’m lying?
“It’s the truth as you see it. It could be different for him. That’s all I’m saying.” She eyes me, silently asking if she’s okay to move on.
I give her one blink—a silent go-ahead .
“The point is you’re still drawn to him. You wouldn’t be losing it on the phone with me now or giving in and kissing him if you weren’t.”
“It’s Ezra,” I say. It’s my only defense.
“Exactly.”
I roll over, pressing my face into my pillow, and groan—because bless Meg Miller's beautiful, label-making heart, I'm as confused as ever.