Chapter 40
Chapter Forty
Autumn
It’s a reaction. An instinct.
I don’t mean to kiss Ezra.
I didn’t have time to figure out anything else.It’s my lip brain’s fault.
That—and yeah, I might still have feelings for Ezra Bennett. A lot of feelings.
He came back here all kind and lovely with muscles that didn’t exist a decade ago. The boy I loved grew up in all the right ways.
All thoughts of loving Ezra need to pause—or better yet, stop altogether. Because I wasn’t wrong before when I said what I said. For the millionth time, I have to stay. He has to go.
But he’s not leaving right this second. And Ezra’s teeth are currently grazing along my bottom lip and turning all my thoughts to mush. Wait—why can’t he stay again?
His lips, wet and sweet, separate from mine for only a second. He pecks me once more before saying, “I knew you remembered.”
Well, crap. That isn't what I was going for… Or maybe it was.
My brain is on a never-ending merry-go-round. It isn’t thinking straight. It can’t .
“I never said I remembered.” Though… I do.
“Not in words,” Ezra says, pecking me once more. “I understand you have to stay for April. But what else? I know there’s more.”
I flutter my eyes closed and wait, certain if I stand here long enough his lips will find mine again. I like that idea much more than talking. And yet, I answer. It’s that muddled head of mine; it doesn’t know any better. It’s certain that if I get this answer out of the way, the kissing will begin again. “Besides the bistro that opens in a year and a mother who won’t leave her house? A few other things.”
“What things?” he says, and like a siren song, spellbinding the words from my mouth, he sets his lips to my jaw, trailing kisses down to my neck.
I tilt my head to the side, giving him just a little more access. It's just polite. I'm helping the guy out.
“Medical bills,” I say, speaking aloud what I rarely even talked to Meg about.
“Medical bills,” he says, no judgment in his tone. If he’s surprised, it doesn’t even come across. He just keeps on kissing. And I have to admit, my insides appreciate it very much.
“Mmm,” I hum. “So many medical bills.”
“For Ed.”
“Mm-hmm.”
“And your mom isn’t working to help pay them.”
My mind tells my head to shake no, but I can’t risk him stopping.
“I could help. You don’t have to do this alone anymore.”
I flutter my eyes open, ice filling each and every one of my veins. I am a limp rag doll in his hands. I muster some strength and adjust my heavy limbs. Get control of yourself, Autumn.
I flatten both of my hands on Ezra’s chest, ignoring the muscles that have changed a lot in the last ten years, and I blink up at him. Though I want to speak with determined annoyance or even anger, I can’t. He’s lulled me into a somber stupor. And the thought of no longer being alone is mesmerizing.
I swallow down all those delicious ideas and speak the hard truth. “You can’t help me. No one can.”
Hazel eyes that I know all too well search my face. “Why not? I still love you, Autumn. And I’m pretty sure you never stopped loving me either.”
I’m pretty sure he’s right.
My eyes fill—again. It’s like he came back here and found the on switch to my stupid tear ducts. “You can’t stay and I can’t go.”
“You mentioned that,” he says. “Maybe you could stop trying to save me for a minute. Just one. And in that minute, you could forget the hurdles you’re so sure we face and love me. Just love me. Maybe that’s all we need.”