Chapter 16
Hiding wasn’t in her plan, but did end up being part of it.
Victoria had done a little bit of exploring in the time she’d lived in Dellisole’s palace.
One of the places she’d discovered was a nook, hidden off an out of the way corridor that didn’t seem to lead to anywhere in particular.
It made her wonder if there was a secret door leading to a hidden passage.
Her own home had a few, but not many and not extensive by any stretch of the imagination.
She should ask Enzo if there were any she needed to know about.
The nook had been unfurnished except for a single chair - but not just any chair.
It was one of the zero gravity type outdoor chairs popular in parts of the world.
It wasn’t as comfortable as a true cozy chair would be but definitely better than not having anything to sit on.
A few days earlier, she’d brought a blanket with her.
Now she snuggled under it and tried to focus on reading a book on her ereader.
She’d abandoned the Sudoku puzzle for the time being, but would come back to it later.
Instead, she wanted to immerse herself in the Xerus Galaxy Saga by American author E.
A. Hendryx. Part Young Adult romance, part space circus, and part romp through the galaxy, she’d found herself pulled in from the first page a few days earlier.
She hadn’t been able to devote nearly as much time to reading as she would have liked, but since there wasn’t anything else for her to do. ..
Once she and Enzo went separate directions, she’d slipped out of the archives and to her hidden alcove. Try as she might, she couldn’t focus on the words on the screen, much less be able to find herself escaping into another world, literally.
Instead, Victoria pulled the blanket up to her chin and stared out the window, such as it was.
More of an arrow slit, the view couldn’t be described as epic - or even scenic.
Only a bit of sky was visible from her chair.
Occasionally, birds would fly into view.
On even more rare occasions a plane would pass by, though only at such a height that a contrail was the clearest evidence it existed.
Thoughts swirled through her head but never fully coalesced.
She shouldn’t have just left without telling someone where she was going.
And she really shouldn’t have turned her phone off.
Not just to silent or do not disturb.
Off.
Cap would likely have something to say about that later.
But she didn’t want to be found. She knew she was safe. Cap would know she hadn’t left the palace. As much as she wanted to argue that should be enough, she knew it wouldn’t be.
Had anyone even noticed she’d left? Did Jeanette and Madeleine think she’d just gone back to her office to work since she wasn’t needed to help in the archives?
Enzo wouldn’t know. He had too much going on.
Meetings all day if his online diary was to be believed.
Not the public one, but the one a few insiders had access to.
It still surprised her she’d been given access.
Yes, they were married. Yes, she was the queen. No, he hadn’t done anything to make her feel unwanted or unneeded.
That didn’t change the deep seated feelings of being extraneous.
She should probably work on those with a therapist.
Mental health hadn’t been talked about openly in her family, but it hadn’t been ignored either.
As far as Victoria knew, none of her family members had ever employed a therapist. Certain members of the British royal family had been working to normalize seeking help for mental health concerns, but that hadn’t expanded into her world as a whole - at least not to the point that the public wouldn’t be concerned to discover their new queen needed therapy.
Voices could be heard drifting down the hallway. Were they coming closer? Would they find her?
When had she turned her phone off? Before or after she’d reached her hideaway? They’d be able to track her exact location if it was after, but she really couldn’t remember.
Footsteps were definitely approaching, but it seemed like only one or maybe two sets, not those of an entire search party.
They slowed as they neared the narrow opening to her nook.
“Hey.” Enzo entered alone. “Are you all right?”
His first words weren’t an admonition? They were words expressing concern for her well being?
Rather than answer, she shrugged and continued to stare out the arrow slit.
From the corner of her eye, she could see him look around for somewhere to sit. It only took him a few seconds to decide on the stone floor near the window. With no floor or wall covering, it had to be cool enough it would become uncomfortable before long - not to mention the lack of cushioning.
“Want to talk about it?” he asked softly.
Her only answer was another shrug.
“Okay.” He didn’t stand up, didn’t pull out his phone, didn’t do anything except shift into what looked to be a more comfortable position. The back of his head rested against the wall behind him as he struggled to stop a yawn.
Victoria had no idea how long they sat there, but knew it had to be long enough for his staff to be concerned for his whereabouts, unless they already knew.
"They didn't need me," she blurted out. "So I thought I'd go read for a while. That's all."
She could tell he wanted to ask a question or two, but he still didn't say anything. He just waited for her to go on.
If she decided to.
She really didn't want to get into a discussion about her insecurities, but began to think she might not have much of a choice.
"Everyone already had a team to work with.
Jeanette and Madeleine were working on something together.
There really wasn't anything for me to do.
I probably should have gone to my office, but since everything on my calendar had been canceled, I decided I'd rather read the book I've been working on.
I haven't had a chance to delve in for the last couple of days. "
Enzo continued to wait patiently for her to go on.
Finally, Victoria sighed and shifted until she was in a more seated position rather than reclined.
"They didn't need me." First she tried that again, but the look on his face didn't change.
"No one ever needs me." Her voice changed.
As much as she tried to keep it steady, it didn't work. It came out small, almost scared.
"I need you." His gaze remained steady as he spoke. There didn't seem to be any hyperbole or equivocation in his voice.
"Do you?" she challenged. "Do you need me or did you need someone acceptable to be queen and a mother to your heirs?"
He didn't rush to answer but seemed to turn her question over in his mind.
"Yes, I'd been wishing I knew someone I would be able to marry before Mum passed, for a number of reasons.
I would not have married just anyone so that I would be married before officially becoming an orphan.
" Leaning forward, he looked more intently at her.
"I met you. I knew I wanted to marry you.
I would have wanted that even if Mum had been healthy.
Having someone with me as I go through all of this and learn to navigate my new job would have been a blessing regardless.
Having you with me is something I'll never take for granted. I need you."
Everything inside Victoria wanted to believe him, but it wasn't the easiest thing for her to do.
Even though she knew it wasn't fair to say her family saw her as extraneous, she still wondered - if she never felt needed by them, would she ever be able to feel needed by anyone?
It had been a long time since Enzo had found himself sitting on a stone floor, and he doubted it had ever been for quite such a long time.
What exactly was going through Victoria's head? Clearly it was more than just not having anything to do in the archives, but until she decided to trust him with whatever it might be, there wasn't much he could do about it.
Could she really feel unnecessary?
Could it be that simple - and that complicated?
She stayed in the chair with a blanket over her, staring blankly at the wall or perhaps out the window.
He looked around the small... it wasn't big enough to be a room and didn't have a door.
Alcove or nook didn't seem right but he didn't know what else to call it.
Though he'd lived in the palace his entire life and done more than his share of exploring, he didn't remember this space.
In fact, he didn't remember ever seeing the series of corridors it took to get there.
If Victoria had turned her phone off before making it all the way to her chair, it seemed unlikely that they would have be able to find her. Cap had been able to use her last known location to give Enzo directions.
She hadn't said anything since he'd told her that he needed her. He suspected she didn't really believe him, and he might not have as he started talking, but as he spoke, he knew it to be true.
He did need her - and definitely not just because it was expected that he'd marry and have children.
In the few months since he'd met and married Victoria, she'd become a vital part of his existence.
Was he in love with her? Probably not. Not yet.
But he could tell he was definitely headed that direction.
She was the first person he wanted to talk to in the morning, though he had no problem letting her sleep a bit longer if she needed to.
He also found that she was the last person he wanted to talk to before he fell asleep.
And the first one he wanted to go to with a puzzling scenario or good news or the frustrations of the monarchy.
But she didn't have the official clearances yet.
It was expected that the monarch would confide in their spouse about most things, but without the official clearance, he was limited in what he could say. He needed to ask Cap how much longer the clearances would take.