Carson
I’ve never participated in a barn raising before and I have to say, it’s pretty much exactly what it sounds like. We’ve been working for hours, putting up the frame and securing everything into place. The event had a great turnout, and this many hands really do make the work faster.
Except for the women who are standing around ogling us, everyone is giving it their all.
I guess the women are putting in a solid effort, too.
They’re providing water, handing tools to the guys, and a few have jumped in here and there.
Emma’s been hanging around with Sadie Stevenson, and I’ve been clocking her location all morning.
If we can save them from backbreaking work, that’s just chivalry, right?
By the time the barn is completely raised, I’m tired and sweaty and feel like I put in a hard day’s work. My biceps are feeling it, and I work out regularly.
“This looks incredible,” Maven says, folding her arms and admiring the building. Tall, natural wood with a darker stain. It’s rustic and beautiful against the backdrop of Vermont’s finest. It’s going to become a community event center, and we’re kicking things off with the dance tonight.
Ben runs a hand through his hair, coming to stand on her other side. “I think we’re finished.”
“That’s the best thing I’ve heard since they delivered my exam chairs this week.”
“Maybe I can beat it.” Maven shoots me a smile. “Mom’s chili has probably been simmering all day.”
My stomach rumbles. “We could ditch the cook-off and split her pot.”
Maven smacks my arm. “I’m going to find her.”
Ben watches her walk away, his gaze trailing her blonde hair. When it dips to her legs, I look away.
“Good job, man,” I say, clearing my throat. “This whole thing was a major success.”
“I hope it serves our community well.”
“You know it will.” I’m dying to ask what’s going on between him and my sister, but since that feels like prying, I keep my mouth closed. Maven will talk to me when she’s ready. They both will.
“Now that things have slowed down, you ready to have a life again?”
“I know you really mean: am I ready to go fishing? The answer is always yes.” I scrub a hand over my tired eyes. “I don’t know if I can convince Penny to come, though. She’s anti-fishing right now. A product of the divorce.”
He looks suitably confused.
“She’s trying to be more like her mom, who hates anything outdoorsy.”
“Yeah, I remember Jen.” Ben laughs hollowly. “If Maven invites Penny to come with us, I bet she’d want to.”
“True. I don’t know anyone she likes more than Maven.” Emma’s creeping up that list for sure, but I don’t say it out loud.
Ben reads my mind anyway. “She seems to really like that librarian, though. Emma Harper? I saw them together earlier when your mom was walking around with Penny.”
“Emma’s kind of been a hero for us lately. Braiding hair and whatnot. She’s stepped in for some important things.”
“Oh yeah?” Ben asks. “What else?”
When I glance back at him, there’s an amused glint in his eyes.
He knows something. Or he knows that I’m not sharing something.
There are people walking around us, moving things or putting tools away, chatting while they drink from water bottles.
I lean in, lowering my voice so it doesn’t carry.
“We’re kind of seeing each other right now, but it’s not public knowledge. ”
“Is it Price knowledge?”
“I haven’t talked to Maven about it yet. Mostly because there hasn’t been a good time for it, but I also don’t want anyone to know in case it goes south.”
“Do you think it will?”
“No…not exactly. But us Prices are cursed. I don’t know if you picked up on that or not.”
Ben chuckles, folding his arms and rocking back to look at the finished barn. “It should be simple. Do you love her? Then you put in the work.” He smiles at me. “I know life is more complicated and people are more nuanced than that. But it should be that simple.”
I nod, searching the groups of people for Emma’s radiant smile and short red hair.
I locate her in a conversation with Sadie and Juliet, and she throws her head back, laughing.
My whole body aches to be next to her. To be in on the joke.
To slide my arm around her and feel the pleasantly warm sense of rightness I get when I’m around her.
Love? It’s too soon for that. Do I care about her? Yeah. A lot. Emma isn’t just the first person I look for when I enter a room. It’s important to me that she’s being cared for, that she’s happy, that she’s a priority to someone the way she makes everyone else a priority.
What’s that called? Extreme like? Deeply in like? Afraid to call it anything but like?
All of the above.
Emma catches me watching, and her smile turns hesitant. How much of a sacrifice would it be for me to put off my anxiety and sink into the relationship?
But no. Every time I begin to think maybe I can risk everything again, I remember why I’m not. I won’t make Penny risk everything again—not unless it’s a sure thing. Presently, I don’t even know what a sure thing looks like.
On a small stage at the back of the barn, a live country band plays well-known songs that drive the greater part of Autumn Ridge to the dance floor. Penny is living her best life bouncing between Maven, Ben, and Emma…who has spent an unfortunate amount of time speaking to Seth.
“Look at you!” Emma says, taking Penny’s hand and twirling her. “Your hair looks fantastic.”
Penny’s dress fans out. Her grin is infectious. “Aunt Maven did it!”
I don’t know how Maven managed the twisty thing going on with Penny’s blonde hair, but it took her thirty seconds with a clip and I’m forever grateful.
I check my watch, the same one I always wear. I remember the night Jen gave it to me, spending more than we could afford but confident because I’d just become an official dentist. But the woman who gave me that watch is solidly in my past.
The man I was when I got this watch is back there too.
I exhale. The night is still young, and I’m exhausted. I catch Emma’s eye and the music fades, the other people fade, until it becomes only the two of us.
“Where’s Seth?”
She gives me a look. “Dancing with someone.”
“Ah, of course.”
Emma laughs, shaking her head. “Knock it off. We’re…not here together. We talked last night, so we’re on the same page.”
“As it should be,” I mutter, trying to tamp down my elation.
Her attention shifts down to Penny again. “Have you had a good day?”
Penny grins. “It’s been the best!”
Relief floods me. Ever since that weird moment on the phone with her mom, I’ve been worried about Penny and, more specifically, what Jen told her to make her so upset.
Her attitude today has been like that never happened.
She’s been thrilled to spend time with Maven and Ben and some of the other local kids.
We saw Molly at the chili cook off and she invited Penny to play Monday after school, so things are progressing in a good, healthy way.
We’re slowly settling in and spreading our roots out, hoping they’ll stick.
I watch as Penny and Emma discuss the merits of pumpkin-flavored cookies and whether they’re best eaten with hot chocolate or apple cider.
“We could try them both,” Penny says. “Then we’ll really know.”
Emma laughs. “Brilliant idea. I have an easy recipe that only takes three ingredients. Maybe you can come over this week sometime and we’ll make them.”
“Can we, Dad?” Penny asks.
“You have the straw maze Monday after school with Molly, remember?”
“Tuesday I have book club,” Emma says. “Maybe Wednesday?”
“Works for us.” I hold her eyes.
Emma blushes, looking down at Penny. “I can’t wait.”
“I’ll bring my tool belt,” I say.
“You have one of those?”
“No…I just meant—”
“Yeah, I know. We’ll work on my bathroom.” Emma smiles, but she shakes her head. “I told you we can worry about it once everything has settled.”
“And I told you to stop putting everyone else above you.”
We face off until Penny says, “Okay, that was weird. Are you guys fighting?”
“No, Nickel. We’re teasing each other.”
Her eyes narrow in on me. “Why?”
The better question is why she’s acting so suspicious. “Want to dance, Pen?”
“Not yet.” She starts looking around. “Ben said he would dance with me.”
“Then I’m sure he will.”
“Meanwhile, I was going to ask Emma if she wanted to dance.”
“Okay. I’ll find Nana,” Penny says, running off.
“Wow.” Emma takes a step closer and bumps my shoulder. “She didn’t even wait to see if I want to dance with you. That’s a lot of assumptions.”
“Don’t you?” I flash a smile at her, and she seems to get stuck in it.
“Yeah, fine, I do.” Emma’s space invades mine, bringing whiffs of apple and sweetness and a steady dose of warmth.
Once my arms are around her and she’s leaning on me in a socially appropriate way, I feel whole again.
Penny found my mom, and I note them together before letting Emma invade my senses entirely.
I’d love to get this woman alone in a room where we have no spectators, but this is a second-best option.
Actually, we don’t even have to be alone.
I’d love an entire evening in her company with Penny, because the three of us seem to work smoothly together.
Penny is as comfortable with Emma as she is with my mom, sister, and Ben, and that’s saying something.
Ben’s words run through my mind. Do you love her? Then you put in the work. It should be that simple.
And Mom’s words from the earlier in the week. Emma is nothing like Jen.
It’s true. The two most recent women in my life could not be more opposite. But look at Ben and Maven—two of the best people I know, and they couldn’t even make it work.
“What’s going on in your head right now, Carson? Because your face is kind of stormy. It looks like you’re angry to be dancing with me.”
“There’s a war, for sure.”
“Exactly what every person wants to hear when she’s dancing with the guy she likes.”
A smile pulls onto my lips. “You aren’t the problem.”
“I’m glad that expression has nothing to do with me.”
“Well, I wouldn’t say that. You’re the center of it all, but it’s not a problem, exactly.”
Emma tips her head back, looking up at me. Her lips are pink and warm and just so close but we’re surrounded by people and I’m sure the way I’m looking at her is convicting enough right now. I don’t need to confirm what everyone else is probably thinking.
“That’s not good, Carson.”
“I’m a broken, conflicted man. I think we’ve covered this.”
Emma sighs, shaking her head. “I wish you could see you the way I see you. Because you are worth staying for.”
My feet quit moving on the dance floor and I look into her eyes. Luckily, the song has stopped, so we aren’t the only two like this. She gazes back at me, and I’m completely lost in her.
I inhale, her scent clouding my thoughts. “I wish I could see that, too.”