Carson
When we make it out of the maze, Ann and Tom are waiting for us. Ann gives Penny a hug. “Glad you made it out! Your friends went to the corn pit to give you some space, but if you want to play with them, your dad can take you over there.”
“I want to go home.”
Ann nods sagely. “It’s been a big afternoon for you.”
“Sounds like she’s not the only one,” Tom mutters, giving me a look. “Luke showed us some of the footage from the drone before he took it back to the house.”
“Luke was here?” I ask, super grateful I didn’t do something stupid like flip off the camera, knowing Tom and Ann were watching. “Not directing the drone from the house?”
“It looked pretty cozy in that maze.”
“Knock it off,” Ann says, swatting her husband. “It’s sweet to see you looking so happy, Carson.”
Emma blushes. Penny is buzzing with energy, ready to leave. I think it was a lot for her.
“I can take Penny to the car,” Emma offers, also noticing my daughter’s eagerness to leave, most likely. She is so intuitive.
I hand over my keys. “I’ll let Katie know we’re taking Penny home.”
We head in different directions, the Walkers beside me. Ann clears her throat gently. “Do we get an update on how things are going with the cute librarian, or are we supposed to pretend we didn’t see any of that on the drone?”
We’re halfway to the corn pit. I stop, and they slow down. “It’s not public knowledge.”
“What are you waiting for, son?” Tom asks.
So many things, but also, I don’t really know. How can I answer that when it’s unclear to me? “Can I be sappy for a second?”
Ann squeezes my arm. “You lost your child for a while, Carson. You can get as emotional as you want.”
“This divorce has been hard on me, and moving here with Penny felt a lot like recreating history. I’ve had to do a lot of work on myself.
Now that I’m living it all as the adult, I’m super grateful for everything you both did for Maven and me when we moved here as kids.
I didn’t see it then, but I owe you a lot. ”
“Your mom thanked us enough,” Tom says.
I shake my head, seeing how much they must mean to my mom. They certainly mean a lot to me. “You know I never really had a dad, Tom. Thank you for everything you’ve done to fill those gaps. Both of you.”
“We love you, Carson.” Ann hugs me, and I squeeze her back. “Is it Penny you’re trying to protect by keeping things with Emma on the hush? Because that’s a valid concern.”
“Yeah, I guess I’m scared.”
“Well, I’m going to be blunt for a second.”
“Wouldn’t expect anything else.”
Ann smiles with amusement. “Kids are smart. She’s probably picked up on it already.
They’re also resilient, which you and Maven are proof of.
I think you need to give Penny more credit.
” Ann gestures vaguely to the corn maze.
“You can’t protect her from ever feeling pain again, but you can do your best and teach her to be strong. ”
Each word rings with truth. My mom might have been able to keep relationships from Maven and me, but she wasn’t as serious about any of those men as I am about Emma.
Penny adores Emma. If she had a problem with her, I would have heard about it already.
When it comes to protecting her from pain…
this entire ordeal is proof I can only do so much.
Short of wrapping Penny in bubble padding and keeping her in a protective box, I’m limited. “What do I do?”
“Do you want Emma in your life? In Penny’s life?”
“Yes,” I say without even needing to think about it.
“Then you have your answer,” Tom says, patting my shoulder.
He’s right. I do. I know exactly what I need to do.
It turns out that once you decide you want a woman to become your girlfriend, it’s not an automatic thing. You have to do that part where you actually ask her the question. Free will and all that jazz.
Ever since we got home from the straw maze, it’s been one thing after another.
Straight to Emma’s house to make her magical three-ingredient pumpkin chocolate chip cookies—they’re delicious, so I’m not complaining—paint Emma’s nails, then Penny’s to match, and now they’re in Emma’s living room, braiding Penny’s hair into French braids that cross over the back and make an X on her head.
It’s insane. I’ll never be able to do anything like it, but it looks cool.
“Should I pull out a doll head so you can practice?” Emma asks.
I lean back on the sofa and watch. “Nah, I’m good. I’ve given up trying to be a good dad.”
“Dad!” Penny cries, outraged. “You’re the best dad in the universe, even if you can’t braid.”
“Thanks, Nickel.”
“I’m pretty sure the effort to learn made you hit the honors list anyway,” Emma says, tying on the final elastic. She grips Penny’s shoulder. “All done!”
Penny shoots to her feet and runs to the bathroom. It’s past dinnertime, so we should be heading home, but I don’t want to leave Emma’s side. I reach for her hand, and her gaze darts to the bathroom.
“If you’re in, I’m in,” I say. “Penny probably knows about us, anyway. Kids are smart.”
Emma searches my eyes. “It’s been an emotional day for you. Maybe you should think on it before making rash decisions.”
“I’m tired of thinking about it. I’m done pretending what I feel for you isn’t real. This isn’t rash, Emma. It’s long overdue. That’s something you should know a lot about.”
“Was that a librarian joke?”
“Maybe.”
“We don’t have late fees anymore, so people don’t worry too much about due dates these days.”
“Absurd,” I murmur, shifting on the sofa to face her. “I know we have the potential to hurt each other, to hurt Penny, but I don’t want to sacrifice you to the powers of what if. I want to dive in with both feet, holding your hand, and giving it our best shot.”
“No more secrets?” she asks.
“None.”
Emma closes her eyes, nodding. “Okay.”
Penny runs into the room. “I love it, Emma!”
“Good. I’m glad to hear that.” Emma stands, pulling her in for a hug. “Celebratory cookies?”
“Yes!”
They leave me, heading into the kitchen. I feel like we made progress, but something’s missing. Why was Emma hesitating? Why didn’t that feel like a momentous occasion? I get up and head into the kitchen to take Penny home. We need to have dinner and my mom is probably waiting for us.
Emma is covering a paper plate of cookies as I cross the threshold. “You can tell everyone you made these,” she says, handing the plate to Penny. “They’re going to love them.”
My heart swells with affection.
Penny takes the plate and skips out the door. “I’m gonna watch you walk across the road, but then I need to speak to Emma for a moment.”
She screws up her face in mild disgust. “Are you going to kiss her?”
The floor nearly falls out from under me and Emma chokes on the cookie she was chewing.
“Why would you ask that?”
“Because you guys have googly eyes for each other. Duh. You look like the skunk with the heart eyes on that show you make me watch.”
“Looney Tunes is not a punishment,” I remind her. So much for trying to culture my kid.
Penny rolls her eyes.
Now my heart is hammering a million beats a minute. “Would you be okay with that?”
“Kissing is gross, Dad.”
“Kissing is wonderful, Nickel. Someday you’ll agree, but I’m glad you don’t like it now.”
She makes a fake gagging sound. “Yuck. I don’t want to.” She looks at Emma. “Does this mean you’re going to be my stepmom?”
Emma coughs again, shaking her head. “That’s moving a little fast, Penny. You have to date a guy first, then you decide if you want to spend the rest of your lives together.”
“Not everyone spends the rest of their lives together,” she says.
My heart pangs. I step in, because Emma shouldn’t have to deal with this.
“No, they don’t. That’s another choice two adults make together.
But it’s the goal, Penny. You don’t know where life is going to take you, but you make the best choice you know how, and you put in the work to keep showing up for the other person. ”
“You have to choose them every day,” Emma says, looking at me. “Every morning you wake up and make that same choice, and you work hard to show it.”
“Would you choose me too?” Penny asks.
“You and your dad are a package deal, Penny. Anyone who chooses your dad will already love you.”
“That means you love me,” Penny says. “Because you chose my dad.”
“I sure do,” Emma says without hesitation.
I’m not sure I’ve ever felt more strongly for a woman than I do now.
Emma’s right, and I don’t think I saw it until this moment.
From the day I met her, she’s been showing up for us without fail.
Despite my roller coaster of emotion and all the fear holding me back, she let me go at my own pace and didn’t pressure me.
Maybe I’ve only really known Emma for a month, but it feels like a lifetime.
I love the person she is for me and the one she is for everyone else.
I love how she cares deeply about anything that comes out of my nine-year-old’s mouth, how she’s wise and thoughtful in her responses.
I want to tile her entire house—I mean, if that’s what she wants—and make sure she feels chosen every single day, like she’s done for me.
“Want to be my girlfriend?” I ask her.
Penny gasps. “Dad! Really?”
“Really, Nickel.”
Emma crosses the room and pulls me into a hug, then reaches for Penny, tugging her into the group. “Yes, I do.”
We don’t kiss, though. Penny deserves a moment to absorb everything that happened today, and all the things we told her, before we foist PDA on her, too.
But when I’m walking out the door, I get a smile from Emma that proves exactly what’s coming next time I see her alone.