30. Chapter Thirty ~ Mia
Chapter Thirty ~ Mia
I couldn’t believe I was pregnant. After talking it through with Brayden, the reality set in the most when I was alone and had time to process my emotions. I was afraid to have children. I never wanted children. I knew how much responsibility taking care of them was and it made me nervous to think of having to do it all over again for eighteen years.
The day after my test, I went to my mom's place to tell her the news. I wasn’t sure what to expect from her, or what I actually wanted her to say. I guess I just wanted her support; for her to tell me things weren’t going to be so bad. I also thought it would be a great way for us to start building our bond again.
“You’re having a baby?”
Her eyes widened with disbelief when I told her. She looked happy and shocked all at once. The smile on her face was soft and welcoming. To be honest, I felt a little jealous because I couldn’t remember her ever smiling in such a way at me.
“I’m going to be a grandma,” she said. “That’s amazing, Mia.”
She seemed genuinely happy about my pregnancy. So much so, the fears I had when I first arrived had diminished and I became eager to see how my pregnancy played out. I still expressed those concerns to my mom, and she gave me the best advice she knew how to give.
“I wasn’t the greatest mom in the world,” she said, “and I can truly say that being a parent was a blessing I didn’t appreciate enough.”
She also said I'd be proud to know that she hadn’t touched a drink since the day of her release, and I was. I was very proud of her. Kicking a habit cold turkey was a hard thing to do but when I looked into her eyes that day, I saw that she was truly ready for change. Hearing about the baby strengthened her drive and courage to embrace it.
“Have you and Brayden made up yet?” she asked. “I take it he’s the father?”
“Yes,” I chuckled. “He is the father, and yes, we’ve made up. I told him about how scared I was to have a baby; he’s the one who talked me into being calm enough to drive over here and tell you.”
“Brayden is a good man,” Mom said. “He loves you and I know he’ll do right by you and your child. There’s no reason to be afraid when you have a man like him to have your back every step of the way.”
Her words made me tear up. I thought it was too early for the pregnancy hormones to kick in and make me overly emotional, so I got teary because of Brayden. I knew he loved me, and I knew he would do everything in his power to make life easier for me. I just had to let my guard down all the way and embrace the life we were creating.
“I’m proud of you, Mia.”
My heart thudded in my chest after my mom’s kind words. I was nervous because it was the first time in a very long time that I’d heard those words fall from her lips.
“I’ve been wanting to say that to you for a while now,” she said. “My addiction stopped me from doing a lot of things in life. Things I knew were right, but let my pride and ego get in the way of it all. You're a fantastic writer. A great sister, and daughter. You stepped up to the plate when I was preoccupied with my own life, and I've never thanked you for that. So, right here and now, I say thank you. Without you, this family might have fallen apart years ago.”
My mom went on and on to praise me and tell me how proud of me and all of my success she was. She even admitted to being jealous that her own writing career didn’t take off. That wasn’t something I cared to hear or needed validation from; all I cared about was her being sober and being my mom again.
Through my tears, my mom held me in her arms and told me how great of a mother I would be to my own child. I felt like a kid again; safe, loved, appreciated. I felt like through that small gesture, my mom had undone years of trauma, and we were both on our roads to recovery.
“All this crying I've done today makes me feel like I'm already in my second trimester or something.”
“Oh honey, if you’re anything like me, those tears will be flowing even after you’ve already had the baby,” Mom laughed. “I cried so much when I had you, I didn’t think I'd ever be able to cry again. That's how I knew you were a girl.”
Hearing stories about my mom’s pregnancies was refreshing for me. It gave me hope that I would have a great pregnancy with no complications. It also comforted my fears and doubts about motherhood. I was terrified of giving birth naturally, but Mom insisted I would be fine. And if I wasn’t, there were other ways to get the baby out.
“Your brother’s going to be so happy when you have this baby,” Mom said. “I’m surprised he didn’t already have one of his own.”
“I know right,” I smiled and lowered my head. “Speaking of Trent, I’ve been reaching out to lawyers to see what can be done about his case. We were finally allowed in for a visit when we went to Florida, maybe you and I can go down one weekend and see him now that you’re in a better place. I’m sure he’ll be happy about that.”
“I would love that,” Mom said. “I always said I never wanted to visit any of you behind bars, but it’s been far too long without seeing his face.”
I spent the entire day talking to her about life and all the things she missed out on. She assured me she wouldn’t miss a beat with the baby, and that she would stay sober and get her life back on track. What made it all so believable was the fact that she wasn’t doing it for anyone but herself.
When I left that evening, I was in such a great space, I went home to Brayden and cooked a huge meal for old time sake. I knew we would have a ton of leftovers, but that was alright. What we didn’t finish that night, we ate throughout the week until it was finally gone.
We spent the following weeks preparing for our first doctor's visit. There wasn’t much time left in the summer before I'd have to get back home and Brayden would go back to work, so we sat down one evening and made a plan to fly back and forth, until one of us decided to move.
He knew moving was out of the question for me if it meant I had to move back to Big Bear. That was the last place I wanted to reside in permanently. However, I didn’t put any pressure on Brayden to move away from home. It was all he knew. I figured when the time was right and everything was where it was meant to be, the conversation about moving would circle back with a solution.
The morning of Brayden’s meeting with Captain Beck, I was all smiles. He was so excited. Becoming a firefighter saved him from a lot of wrongdoings in life. It was therapy when he needed an outlet. It was comforting when he felt like he didn’t know where he was headed in life. He was worried that he’d be fired because of the stunt he pulled on his drunken night at the bar, but I had hope that he’d be able to return. He was great at what he did, and it showed.
“You’ll be fine babe,” I said. “Just keep your cool, and don’t say anything stupid. Everyone in this town knows how much you love being a fireman, and so does Beck. Besides, I'm sure Uncle Joe can get you on with another squad if anything goes wrong.”
“I don’t want to be on another squad,” he said. “This is my family. Nate's the freaking outsider. If anybody should leave, it should be him.”
I gave him a kiss to sooth him and handed him my half gone cup of coffee. He didn’t care that it was overloaded with cream and sugar; he took a sip and kept on talking.
“I’ve had a problem with this guy since the very first day we met. It was like he was sent to our station to spite me. I don’t know who he is, or where he came from, but I know someone had to send him to us as a test for me.”
“Will he be at the meeting today?” I asked. “You might be right about him being a test. And if he is, you failed. Miserably.”
“I think he will be there,” Brayden said. “As long as he doesn't start with his crap, everything should go fine.”
I said a tiny prayer for him after he left. I had no real worries though. Brayden had still been going to therapy and putting what he learned to good use. His temper had cleaned up, he wasn’t as grumpy and closed off as he was in the beginning. He even started accepting more of his moms phone calls.
My trip home was right around the corner and I was a bit bummed out about it. Spending all summer with Brayden, even through the ups and downs, became a highlight for me. I was able to tend to a lot of old wounds and break through some barriers I had with trust and holding grudges. I was also pregnant. Something I had to call and let my agent know, before she planned anything spectacular for my return.
"Hey Tash.” I Cheered into the phone when she answered. “I have a flight back in two days. My god I'm so excited to get home.”
“Home is excited to have you!” she laughed. “I can’t wait to see you. I feel like this has been the longest summer ever.”
“Oh, it’s definitely been a long summer,” I agreed. “I have so much to tell you.”
Tasha was always excited to hear my gossip. There wasn’t much to gossip about in my life, but whenever there was, she was the first person I ran to. She always kept my secrets too.
“So, I have something to share with you before I get back,” I said. “This might come as a surprise to you, because it was certainly a surprise for me, but.”
Before I could shape my lips to utter the words, Tash blurted out “you’re pregnant!?”
I don’t know how she knew, or what made her blurt out something so absurd, but she was right. Tasha knew me better than anyone in the world, and I was thankful. Because there were a lot of times that I didn't have the words and somehow, she always knew.
“You are? You're pregnant?” she excitedly hurried me for an answer. “I knew it! I knew someone was pregnant because I couldn’t stop eating for the past few weeks! How far along are you?”
“I’m about three weeks now,” I laughed. “How the heck did you know someone would end up pregnant?”
“Oh, an old theory of mine: because I don’t have any children, whenever someone close to me becomes pregnant, my appetite always picks up.”
It sounded crazy in a way, but I believed her. I read through reddit and there were lots of people around the world who experienced pregnancy symptoms whenever someone close to them was pregnant. It was strange, but certainly possible.
“How does Brayden feel about being a dad?” she asked.
“How do you know Brayden is the father?” I teased.
“Oh please!” Tasha squealed. “There isn’t a single man in this world who can touch you other than him. You don’t have to tell me he’s the father. I already know.”
She and I talked for hours about the preparation of the baby. Even though Tasha wasn’t a mother herself, she had a lot of insight on how parenting worked because she helped out with her siblings and nieces and nephews. I was so lucky to have such a knowledgeable and supportive team, I cried talking to her too.