Chapter 13
Thirteen
JACKIE
I don’t know how Joe came up with the idea to have a tribute to fallen soldiers. It seemed like it just came over him. Even though neither of us was sure in that moment what form the tribute would take, we both threw ourselves into brainstorming. When I brought the idea up to Sabina, she gave me a blank look that terrified me. That is why I’m working so hard on the planning. I need her to be invested in this, so that she can find the will to keep living, keep healing, keep moving forward.
Maia and Gianna seem mildly amused by my attitude, which irritates me, if I’m being honest. Why can’t they jump in, too? More hands make the work lighter. Joe and I met with the program coordinator at the hospital, along with the whole hospital board and presented the idea.
The idea spiraled from a physical tribute, like a photo wall, to that plus a benefit to raise money for some new therapy programs falling under the Wounded Vet program at the hospital. One of the veterans on the hospital board is married to a therapist who also came in and gave a presentation that was so impressive, now our hospital board wants to incorporate her ideas here.
The therapist, Kristin, previously helped to create a program for veterans at her former work place. It was a program that worked to approach healing holistically, using various methods and therapies, like float therapy, massage therapy, red light therapy, guided journaling and meditation, as well as intentionally pairing up specialized therapists with each vet in the program.
Kristin’s presentation was especially impressive when she read testimonials from numerous patients that participated in the program. The success and effectiveness of this holistic program was phenomenal.
It was a unanimous vote of ‘Yes’ amongst the entire board, and then when Joe and I gave our short presentation about the idea of putting on a tribute of sorts for Fallen Soldiers, the excitement in the board room was electric. Someone suggested that maybe we should consider using the Tribute to raise money for the holistic program.
Once again, we were all thrilled and we agreed immediately they were meant to go together. The Fallen Soldier Tribute would be a fundraiser for what we’re now going to call the Holistic Hero Vet program.
As of now, we have some bands and a magician lined up. There will also be speeches about those we have lost. Our hope is that some of the vets in the hospital program will want to speak about friends they have lost. I hope that Sabina will want to speak.
I glance at my phone again, trying not to be too impatient. Joe is supposed to be here. We are finalizing a lot of the details for the dinner today. Violet and Robert have agreed to host the tribute, which is overwhelmingly generous of them, but Joe and I still have a lot of work to do. I invited Sabina to come help us, but she decided she would rather watch a movie. I can hear it droning on in the family room.
Joe probably agreed to meet here, because he thought that he might see Maia, but she’s at work right now. I feel a ridiculous amount of glee at this fact, which I know is mean. I don’t care, though. He shouldn’t keep trying to be with my sister when she has a boyfriend. Though, to be honest, I still don’t know what she sees in Julius. Joe is a much much better catch, in my opinion. Even if he was incredibly immature at our family dinner last month.
There’s a knock at the front door, and I hurry to open it. I don’t care if I look overly eager; we have a lot of work to get done. Joe grins at me and comes in without being invited. That takes some nerve, but he has always been welcome at our house. Even after he threw the meatball at Julius at dinner. He did apologize to everyone for that little faux pas. And he has been summarily forgiven by everyone.
“You’re almost late,” I say. “We have so much to get done.”
“Is Sabina joining us today?” Joe asks.
“She’s watching a movie,” I say, shaking my head.
“Maybe when we get more into the venue, she’ll want to help decorate,” Joe says, although I know that he feels as doubtful as I do.
“Maybe,” I say. “Come on. We can work in the kitchen.”
We settle in at the kitchen table, and Joe pulls out a thick binder with all the hard copies of our plans in them. We keep digital copies, too. But like me, Joe likes to have a hard copy to hold in his hands. The past three weeks of planning have been crazy, and I’m not sure that the tribute is having the desired outcome on Sabina’s mental health, as we had deeply hoped; but I also know that this project has become bigger than I envisioned.
“So, we need to get a full list of the events of the evening,” Joe says.
“And we need to finalize the menu,” I say. “Are we aiming to get that all done today?”
“I think that’s a good idea. We could meet again tomorrow to do more,” Joe says. “After that, I’m on at the fire station for forty-eight hours.”
“Right,” I say. “I remember now. Maybe we should get the menu done today first, since the caterer needs it by tomorrow morning at the latest.”
“Good plan,” Joe says.
We pull up the list of potential menus from one of the caterers here in town who had the best prices. Now we have to sift through their sample menus and compare the prices. We need to keep our costs down, if we’re going to manage to make any money for the hospital’s new program. Both Joe and I know how important the program is going to be. If it does well somewhere small like Cranberry Creek, there is no telling how impactful it could be in larger areas.
We spend the next two hours comparing every detail of the menus. We make notes about things that we want to see about swapping or modifying. I didn’t know that there was this much planning that went into events like this, but I have a much deeper appreciation now for all the people that do event planning.
“This looks great,” Joe says, as we send the email to the caterer. “I think we did some really good work here today, Jackie… and I think we make a great team.”
“Me, too,” I say, as I walk him to the door, feeling very pleased with our work today.
Later, when I get to Violet’s studio, I’m brimming with updates. She has our easels all set up, and we are painting before I can even tell her about the menu we picked or how devoted Joe has been to the cause. I think that was smart of her, though, because with the music playing softly in the background and the colors from my paintbrush gracing the page, I can feel myself instantly relax. There is plenty of time to tell my friend about everything on my mind. The first thing I need to do is get out all of the pent-up emotions that have been plaguing me.
After I start to feel the sense of calm that I have come to expect in our painting sessions, I say, “Joe and I picked the menu today.”
“That’s great,” Violet says. She doesn’t take her eyes off her canvas, but I know her attention is on me. It’s odd, but I can just feel it. “Did Sabina help?”
I sigh. “Not today. I keep hoping that something will change, and she’ll suddenly want to be involved. I don’t even know if she likes the idea.”
“Maybe she just can’t find the words to express how she feels about it,” Violet says. “We all have different ways of dealing with our stress, and in Sabina’s case, her trauma.”
“That’s true,” I agree. “I know painting with you like this has helped me express myself in ways that I didn’t even know I needed.”
Violet beams at me. “I’m so glad,” she says. “Are you getting along better with Joe?”
At the mention of Joe’s name, I feel my face heat up for some reason. “I guess so,” I say. “I know he likes coming around the house, because he thinks he’s going to see Maia; but I know how much this tribute means to him, too.”
“It’s good that you can find common ground,” Violet says. “That’s the most important thing in any relationship.”
“We don’t have a relationship,” I say quickly.
“That’s not what I mean,” Violet says with her usual calmness. “You have a working relationship, in the very least, and you used to be the best of friends. So it’s important for you to have common ground.”
“I suppose you’re right,” I say quietly, as we go back to painting.
While the music swells and jumps and jives, I think about what Violet said. It doesn’t matter if Joe and I are friends now. What matters is that we can work together for the good of others, for our community, and for issues that are important to both of us. For Sabina. I’m cheered by this thought, and I appreciate Violet for reminding me of what’s important.
“Thanks, Vi, for all of this,” I say. “The painting lessons, the chats. All of it. You have no idea how much it helps me.”
“I’m glad,” Violet says, smiling at me again. “You are one of my dearest friends, Jackie. I just want to see you happy.”
I start to tell her that I am happy, but I stop myself.
Am I happy? At this exact moment in time, I would say yes. But overall? Not so much. I feel like I’m moving toward happiness, but there are things that I need to do to get there, things I need to take responsibility for. Maybe then I will feel this thing called happiness, or at least contentment.
“Thanks, Violet,” I say. “That means a lot to me. And you know… you are a big part of my happiness. Now, and in the future.”
My friend smiles at me warmly, and we both go back to painting. The atmosphere in the studio feels cozy and safe, and I’m so glad that I get to be here.
I feel inspired to consider which next steps in my life I have been hesitant to take. Learning this new skill and hobby of painting has taught me more than I realized! I have come to see that I’m slow to embrace change, from a fear of failure.
Just realizing this about myself has been huge. While I also see that I’m still scared of major change, I am also now confident that I have a support system and a safety net ready to catch me and help me back up if I fall.
Now I have to consider what kind of ‘falling’ I’m prepared to do… or if perhaps I have already begun to fall…