Chapter 22
Chapter Twenty-Two
Mila
If you looked up the definition of the word coward in the dictionary, you’d likely see my photo right next to it. Because I am.
I have no good reason for doing what I did, other than being a coward. When I woke up the morning after my movie night with Kash, to say I panicked is an understatement.
He had a koala-like hold of me, and it took a solid five minutes to crawl out of bed without waking him. And that was only after my brain started giving me a blow-by-blow replay of the night before. I had to leave before I did something really stupid, like repeat it or move further.
When I woke up and felt his arms around me, I froze.
I wasn’t panicking yet or trying to figure out what it all meant.
No, I was thinking about how good it felt to have him wrapped around me.
I was thinking about how we fit so perfectly together and that maybe we were made just for each other.
As soon as that thought popped into my brain, I panicked. In fact, I freaked the hell out.
I’m still not sure what goes on in Kash’s mind, and at four AM, I definitely didn’t want to have that conversation. I held my panic in while carefully detangling myself from his embrace. As soon as I left the bed, I turned and watched him for a moment to make sure he hadn’t woken up.
His naked chest was on display, and his hair hung loosely over his pillow. Knowing I had to leave before I followed through on an impulse, like running my hand through it, I bolted. For such a big guy, he sure cuddles really well.
I tiptoed out, heading to my room to get cleaned up and changed.
It didn’t matter. I couldn’t wash away his scent or touch if I tried.
I still felt the ghost of his hands and lips everywhere, and after sleeping in his shirt, his smell clung to me.
As I stood in the shower with my head back and eyes closed, I felt his hands running down my arms, rubbing my back and my breasts.
The memory of his kisses had me touching my lips, but before I ran my hands down my body, I knew it was time to get out.
Going to the only place I could think of, I went home.
I couldn’t exactly explain to Mara why I suddenly needed to crash with her after I adamantly told her I’d be fine with Kash.
Before I left his apartment, I quickly wrote a note saying I had a few things to take care of there.
My apartment is still in disarray, but I didn’t have anywhere else to go.
I couldn’t stay and face him in the morning, so like the coward I am, I ran in the middle of the night.
Two days later, I still haven’t seen him in person.
It’s the start of the week, and I’m once again hiding in the back part of the kitchen.
I’ve immersed myself in so many orders that I haven’t had time to breathe, let alone think about Kash.
Actually, that’s a lie. All I’ve done is think about him.
It’s not hard to when he messages me throughout the day.
Future Husband: Why’d you go to your apartment?
Future Husband: Did I not cuddle right? Do you want to be the big spoon next time?
Future Husband: I wish you hadn’t left. I wanted to wake up to you.
So did I.
Future Husband: What did the baker say when someone complimented their bread?
Future Husband: Thanks, I kneaded that. Get it?
He went silent for a little bit, but then the messages changed, and they’re the reason I haven’t left my apartment again yet or messaged him back.
Future Husband: I’m hungry for another taste of you.
Future Husband: I knew you’d be sweet. You’re my new favorite snack.
Future Husband: I have a surprise for you. I can’t wait to show you.
I’m not sure if I want to know what kind of surprise he has to show me. I am curious, but not curious enough to text him back. It’s not like he’ll show up here... right?
“Hey! I’m headed to the bank. Can you cover the front?
” Mara raps her knuckle against the prep table I’m sitting at, causing me to jump.
I pulled one of the stools over ten minutes ago.
Last night, I slept on the couch again and my back is killing me.
Dad’s plumber started on the pipes in my bathroom while my kitchen is still drying out.
Now there’s a bunch of debris in my bedroom along with replacement parts, so that’s a no go.
“Yeah. No biggie,” I tell her, standing and stretching out my back. God, I wish I could lie in a tub.
“You good, Mils?”
“Yeah. I’m fine. Just busy, you know?”
Looking me over, she tilts her head, “How is living with Kash? He’s not being weird, is he?”
No. As it turns out, that’s me. “Nope. He’s gone most of the time anyway.” I wave her off. There’s no way I’m telling Mara what happened.
“Gotcha. Well, my offer of the couch stands.”
Yeah. That’s not happening either.
“I’m good. Promise.”
“Okay. Be back soon.”
I wait until I’m sure she’s gone, then peek out the kitchen doors. I don’t see Kash, and the lobby is mostly empty, so I guess I’m safe for now.
“Hey. Want me to make you a drink or something?” Joelle offers. I start to shake my head but then reconsider. I have not been sleeping well. Between my dreams of Kash and the couch, it hasn’t been easy. I don’t know why I do this to myself. Maybe I should go back. I’ll just reaffirm boundaries.
“I can do it, but thanks.” I give her a small smile, and head toward one of our coolers where we keep green tea and some juices.
I don’t think I’m ready for more coffee yet, but a light afternoon drink sounds good.
Mixing together the tea and juice, I distract myself and try to piece together what I need to say to Kash.
Nervousness fills me, but I know it’s necessary.
By the time I finish cleaning the counters and a few tables, Mara’s back. “Are you good if I head out early? Joelle is here if you need anything, and Bailey will be here in an hour.” Bailey is one of our other kitchen workers. She’ll be able to keep up with anything for the afternoon.
“You sure you’re good, Mila?”
“Yes. I’m fine. Just feeling tired.” And confused.
“Maybe you’re coming down with something?” Mara looks at me, her face scrunching in concern.
“Nah. Probably just need to sleep more.”
“Well, hopefully Kash isn’t keeping you up. I know you guys basically have opposite schedules, so I hope he’s being respectful of that.” She folds her arms over her chest.
“Yes. I promise. I’m good, just going to head out.” Not wanting to think about how he kept me up, I return to the kitchen, grabbing my coat and keys. I’m not exactly sure where I’m going, but I just can’t stay here right now.