CHAPTER SIX
Palisade
Iwatched Easton's taillights disappear down the street, then closed the door and leaned against it, my heart still racing.
"He's really nice, Mom," Casey called from upstairs. "And he said I could be a hockey player if I work hard enough!"
"That's wonderful, sweetheart," I called back, my voice steadier than I felt. "Brush your teeth and then bed. Now."
"But I'm not even tired!"
"Casey."
She must have heard something in my tone because she didn't argue further. The bathroom faucet turned on, followed by the sound of vigorous tooth brushing.
I moved to the kitchen and started clearing away the Chinese food containers with shaking hands.
What had I done?
Opening my home to Easton, allowing Casey to meet him, giving him permission to coach her on Saturdays. It felt like unlocking a door I'd worked seven years to keep closed.
My phone buzzed on the counter.
Holly:
How'd it go?
Of course, Holly knew Easton had come over. She'd probably given him my address, despite my explicit instructions years ago to keep us separate.
Instead of texting back, I hit the call button.
"Before you yell at me…" Holly started immediately.
"I'm not going to yell," I said, though my voice was tight. "But we need to talk. Can you come over?"
"Now?"
"Yes, now. Casey's going to bed. I need…" I trailed off, not sure how to finish that sentence. I needed someone to tell me I hadn't just made a terrible mistake. I needed someone to help me figure out what the hell I was doing. "Please."
"I'll be there in twenty minutes," Holly said, her voice softening. "And Palisade? For what it's worth, I think you did the right thing letting him in."
She hung up before I could respond.
Twenty-three minutes later, Holly arrived with a bottle of wine and a pint of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.
"Figured we'd need both," she said, breezing past me into the kitchen. She grabbed two wine glasses and two spoons without asking. "Is Casey asleep?"
"Out like a light. She was so excited about meeting Easton that she exhausted herself." I sank onto the couch, accepting the glass of wine Holly pressed into my hand. "She asked if he could come teach her hockey moves on Saturday."
"And you said?"
"That we'd see. Which in mom-speak means 'probably yes, but I'm not ready to commit.'"
Holly settled beside me, tucking her legs under her. "He showed up to apologize for the media thing, right? That's what he told me."
I crossed my arms. "You gave him my address."
"He asked for it. Said he needed to make things right." She took a sip of wine. "Was I wrong to give it to him?"
I wanted to say yes. I wanted to be angry with her for interfering. But the truth was more complicated.
"He almost fired his agent," I said quietly. "Called him from the parking lot because of what happened today. Then he showed up at my door with Chinese food and an apology."
Holly's eyebrows rose. "Wow, that's… very mature of him."
"I know." I took a long drink of wine. "And he was so good with Casey, Holly. Patient, encouraging, treated her like she mattered. She showed him her hockey card collection, and he spent the time looking at every single card with her."
"That must have been surreal. Your daughter showing him his own rookie card."
"You have no idea." I closed my eyes. "She told him he was her favorite player. Asked if she could be a hockey player someday."
"What did he say?"
"That she could be anything she wanted to be. That passion matters more than talent." My throat tightened. "He told her not to let anyone tell her she couldn't do something just because she's a girl."
Holly set down her wine glass and reached for my hand. "And that scared you."
"Terrified me," I admitted. "What if she gets attached? What if she sees him as more than 'Uncle Easton' and then something happens? What if he decides this is too complicated and walks away?"
"What if he doesn't?"
The question hung in the air between us. I pulled my hand away and stood up, needing to move.
"I can't stop thinking about what happens when he finds out," I said. "When he discovers I've been lying to him. Every time Casey hugs him or looks at him with his blue eyes, and I knew the truth and kept it from him."
Holly stayed quiet, letting me talk.
"Tonight, watching them together…" I pressed my fingers to my temples. "He's going to hate me, Holly. When he finds out, he's going to hate me for keeping her from him."
"He might," Holly said gently. "At first. But Easton's not the same guy he was seven years ago. He's working on himself, going to therapy, trying to be better."
"And what if that's not enough?" I turned to face her. "What if he tries to take her from me? He has money, resources, lawyers. I'm just—"
"Stop." Holly stood up and crossed to me, gripping my shoulders. "You are Casey's mother. You've raised her, loved her, given her everything. No court is going to take her away from you."
"You don't know that."
"Yes, I do." Her voice was firm. "And I also know my brother. He's not going to try to take Casey from you. He's going to be hurt and angry, yes. But he's going to want to be part of her life, not destroy yours."
I took a shaky breath, pushing down the fear that wanted to claw its way up my throat.
"You're not going to lose her," Holly said quietly. "And Easton… whatever happens between you two, you'll figure it out. You have to. For Casey."
She guided me back to the couch and handed me my wine glass.
"Tell me what you're really afraid of," she said. "Not the custody battle worst-case scenario. What's keeping you up at night?"
I stared into my wine. "That he'll look at me differently. That every good moment we could have had will be poisoned by this lie. That Casey will be caught in the middle of our mess."
"And?"
"And…" I hesitated. "That maybe I kept the secret for me as much as for her. Because it was easier and I was scared of getting hurt."
Holly nodded, not judging. "You were twenty-four, pregnant, and alone. You made the best decision you could with the information you had."
"But I should tell him now. Right? Before he figures it out on his own?"
"That's up to you," Holly said carefully. "But if you wait much longer, he will figure it out. He's not stupid, and he's going to be spending more time with Casey. Eventually, he's going to notice how much she looks and acts like him."
"I need time to figure out how," I said. "How to tell Casey. How to tell him. What to say that doesn't make me sound like a complete monster."
"You're not a monster, Palisade. You're a mom who was trying to protect her kid." Holly reached for the ice cream. "But yes, you need to figure it out. Soon."
We fell into silence, passing the ice cream container back and forth. After a while, Holly spoke again.
"For what it's worth? Tonight was a good start. Letting him in. Letting him spend time with Casey. Whatever happens, she's going to need both of you in her life."
"I know." I set down my spoon. "That's what terrifies me the most. Once I tell him the truth, everything changes. There's no going back from that."
"No," Holly agreed. "But maybe that's not a bad thing. Maybe it's time for the truth."
After Holly left, I went upstairs to check on Casey. She was sprawled across her bed, one arm flung over her stuffed moose, her Shadow Wolves jersey bunched up around her shoulders.
I sat on the edge of her bed, gently pulling the blanket over her. In sleep, she looked so much like Easton it made my chest ache. The same stubborn set to her jaw. The same long eyelashes. The same wild hair that refused to stay in a ponytail.
My phone buzzed with a text from Easton.
Easton:
Got home safe. Thanks again for tonight. Casey's an amazing kid. You should be proud.
Me:
She is. Thank you for being so good with her.
Easton:
Seriously though, thank you. Tonight meant a lot.
I should tell him. Right now. Just send a text. She's yours. Casey is your daughter.
My fingers hovered over the keyboard.
But then I looked at Casey, sleeping peacefully, and I couldn't do it. Not like this. Not over text. And not when everything was still so new and uncertain.
Soon, I told myself. Soon I'll tell him the truth.
I hoped that when I finally did, they would both understand why I'd waited so long.
My phone rang while I was chopping vegetables for dinner the next evening. Casey's laughter drifted from the living room, where she was building something elaborate with her Legos. I glanced at the screen and smiled despite my exhaustion.
Mom.
"Hey," I answered, tucking the phone between my shoulder and ear as I continued dicing carrots.
"Don't 'hey' me in that tone. What's wrong?"
I should have known better than to try hiding anything from Elizabeth Honors. Twenty-six years of teaching elementary school had given her supernatural abilities to read emotions through the smallest vocal inflections.
"Nothing's wrong. I'm just making dinner."
"Palisade." Using my full name was never a good sign. "I know when something's bothering you. Is it work? Casey?"
"It's…" I set down the knife, closing my eyes. "It's complicated."
"Complicated usually means it involves a man." Amusement laced her words.
There was a pause, and I could practically hear her piecing it together. "Holly mentioned running into Easton at the clinic last week. Is he… is he back in your life?"
Of course, Holly had mentioned it. My best friend and my mother talked regularly.
"He's doing court-ordered community service at the clinic," I said carefully. "After the incident with the reporter. So yes, he's around."
The silence on the other end was loaded with everything Mom wasn't saying. She'd known Easton since he was sixteen, sitting in the bleachers during his high school games while Dad coached. She'd watched him grow from a talented but angry kid into a professional athlete.
"How are you handling that?" Her voice was gentle, concerned. "Seeing him again after all this time?"
"I'm managing. It's been… strange. He's different than I remember. More controlled. He's in therapy for his anger issues."
"That's good." A pause. "And Casey? Has she met him?"
My throat tightened. This was the part that kept me up at night. "Yes. Last night he came over for dinner to apologize for a media incident, and she was… she was so happy, Mom."
"Oh, honey."
"I know." I sank into a kitchen chair, watching Casey through the doorway, completely absorbed in her world of Legos and imagination. "She's getting attached. And he doesn't even know that she's…" I couldn't finish the sentence.
"That she's his," Mom finished softly. "Palisade, you're going to have to tell him. Eventually."
"I know that." My voice came out sharper than I intended. "But how? How do I look at him and say, 'By the way, that six-year-old girl you've been charming? She's your daughter. Surprise!’"
"With honesty. And probably a lot of courage." Mom sighed. "Sweetheart, I'm not judging you. I never have. You made the choice you thought was right when you were twenty-four and terrified. But Easton isn't the same boy who—"
"Who what? Who I ran away from?" I laughed bitterly.
"Because that's what I did, Mom. I woke up that morning, panicked about what we'd done, and I ran.
I left town for school early. I didn't answer his calls.
And then when I found out I was pregnant, I convinced myself he wouldn't want her.
That he'd think I was trying to trap him. "
"Were those fears completely unfounded?" Mom's voice was careful. "You were twenty-four. He was thirty and at the beginning of his hockey career. Those are legitimate concerns."
I pressed my hand to my forehead. "I was terrified of needing him. Of depending on someone who might leave. So I left first."
"And now you're both here."
"Now we're both here," I echoed. "And Casey adores him. And every day I don't tell him feels like another lie I'm building. But Mom, what if I tell him and he hates me? What if he tries to take her away?”
"What if he steps up?" Mom interrupted gently. "What if he wants to be her father? Your father coached that boy for four years, Palisade. Do you really think Easton would walk away from his own child if he knew?"
I thought about the way Easton's face lit up when Casey talked to him. The patience he showed when she asked a million questions. The gentleness in his voice when he spoke to her.
"No," I said. "I don't think he'd walk away."
"Then what are you really afraid of?"
"That I've stolen six years from him. " He'll never forgive me for that.
" My voice dropped. "Even if he wants to be Casey's father, he'll never be able to look at me without resentment.
And that Casey will figure out someday that I'm the reason she didn't have a dad for the first six years of her life. "
"Oh, sweetheart." Mom's voice was thick with emotion.
"You were protecting your daughter in the only way you knew how.
Yes, maybe it was the wrong choice. Maybe you should have told him.
But you didn't make that choice out of malice.
You made it out of fear and love and the desperate need to keep your baby safe. "
"That doesn't make it right."
"No. But it makes it understandable. And Palisade? If Easton has really grown the way you say he has, the way your father saw him growing these past years, then maybe he'll understand too."
I glanced through the doorway at Casey, carefully balancing another Lego on her tower. "I don't know how to do this, Mom."
"One step at a time. You don't have to tell him today. Or even this week. But honey, the longer you wait, the harder it gets. And Casey…" Mom's voice softened. "Casey deserves to know her father. And Easton deserves to know his daughter."
"I know."
"And for what it's worth? Your father and I are here. Whatever happens when you tell him, whatever fallout comes, you're not alone. Casey has a whole family who loves her. That won't change."
"Thanks, Mom."
"That's what I'm here for." I could hear the smile in her voice. "Now, do you want me to take Casey this weekend? Give you some space to think?"
"Maybe. Let me see how this week goes."
"Just let me know. And Palisade? Be gentle with yourself. You've been carrying this alone for a long time. It's okay to let someone else help carry it."
After we hung up, I sat at the kitchen table for a long moment. Through the doorway, Casey called out, "Mom! Look how tall!" showing off her tower with pride.
I smiled, pushing aside my fears for now. Whatever happened with Easton, whatever consequences came from the choice I'd made seven years ago, I'd face them.
But Mom was right. The clock was ticking. And soon, I'd have to tell the truth.
I just hoped everyone would still be standing when the dust settled.