CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Palisade
After Easton talked with Casey for another hour, answering her questions about the press conference, reassuring her that yes, the whole world now knew she was his daughter and yes, he was proud of that, my father arrived to take her for the evening.
"You two need time to talk," Dad said, giving Easton a meaningful look. "Without little ears around."
Casey hugged Easton goodbye, then me, still buzzing with excitement about the press conference. "Dad was on TV, and he said I'm a privilege!"
"We know, baby." I kissed the top of her head. "We'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
After they left, the house felt suddenly too quiet. Easton and I stood in my living room, and for the first time all day, we were alone.
"So," I said, not sure where to start.
"So." He ran a hand through his hair. "That was a day."
He walked to the couch and sat down heavily, elbows on his knees, hands clasped.
"Sit with me," he said quietly. "We need to talk about this. Really talk about it."
My heart started pounding. "Easton."
"Please, Sadie." He looked up at me, and the exhaustion in his eyes made my chest ache. "We never finished this conversation. The paparazzi interrupted us, then the press conference happened, and we just… kept moving forward. But we need to do this. I need to understand why."
I sat down slowly, leaving a space between us on the couch. My hands were shaking.
"I told you already," I said. "That night seven years ago, I was scared and—"
"No," he cut me off gently. "I don't mean the official explanation. I mean, what's the real reason? Why did you leave that night, Sadie? We'd just…" He gestured vaguely, his voice rough. "It was good. We connected. And I woke up, and you were just… gone."
The memory hit me like a physical blow. Waking up in his bed, with his arm around me, the lingering warmth of what we'd done. The panic that had clawed up my throat.
"I was twenty-four," I said, my voice barely audible. "You were this rising hockey star. Everyone knew who you were. And I was just… me. Holly's friend. Nobody special."
"That's not—"
"Let me finish." I took a shaky breath. "When I woke up that morning, you were still asleep. And I looked at you, and I thought… this was a mistake. Not because it wasn't good, but because it was too good. Because I could already feel myself falling, and I knew that to you I was just another girl."
"Sadie—"
"I saw the way women looked at you. I heard the stories from Holly about the girls who threw themselves at you after games.
And I thought, if I stay until morning, if I let this be more than it was, I'm going to get my heart broken.
" My voice cracked. "So, I left. I ran like a coward because I was too scared to find out if I mattered at all. "
Easton's jaw clenched, but he didn't interrupt.
"And then nine weeks later, I found out I was pregnant." The tears were coming now, hot and fast. "I was alone in my apartment in a different state, staring at that positive test, and I was terrified. I wanted to call you. God, Easton, I picked up the phone so many times."
"Then why didn't you?" His voice was strained, controlled. "Why didn't you call? Text? Send a fucking carrier pigeon? Anything?"
"Because I was scared!" The words burst out of me. "I was scared you'd think I was trying to trap you. Scared you'd offer me money to get rid of her. Scared you'd want nothing to do with us. And even more…" I had to force the next words out. "I was scared you'd try to take her from me."
His head snapped up. "What?"
"You were already successful. Already had money, connections, a career.
I was a broke vet student working two jobs just to afford textbooks.
If you'd wanted custody, Easton, what chance would I have had?
You could have buried me in legal fees, proved I was unfit because I couldn't provide for her the way you could.
" My voice dropped to a whisper. "So, I convinced myself it was better if you never knew.
That I was protecting her. Protecting us both. "
"Jesus, Sadie." He ran both hands through his hair, his breathing uneven. "Did you really think I'd do that? That I'd try to take her from you?"
"I didn't know what you'd do! I barely knew you!" The admission hung between us, ugly and true. "One night. That's all we had. One night that I ran away from. How was I supposed to know what kind of man you were? What kind of father you'd be?"
The silence stretched, painful and heavy.
When Easton finally spoke, his voice was rough. "I would have been there. For both of you. I would have figured it out."
"I know that now," I said. "But I didn't know it then.
And by the time Casey was born, by the time she was six months old, a year old, two years old…
the lie had a life of its own. I'd convinced myself I was doing the right thing.
That she was better off without the complication of you in her life.
That I was protecting her from…" I gestured helplessly.
"From exactly what happened this week. The media. The scrutiny. The chaos."
"You were protecting yourself," Easton said quietly. Not accusatory, just… tired. "From having to deal with me."
It would have been easy to deny it. But we were past easy truths.
"Yeah," I admitted, my voice breaking. "I was protecting myself, too. From needing you. From being vulnerable. From the possibility that you'd reject us, or worse, that you'd be there, and I'd fall for you, and then you'd leave, anyway."
Easton leaned back against the couch, staring at the ceiling. I watched his throat work, saw the muscle in his jaw tick.
"I missed everything," he finally said, his voice barely audible. "Her first steps. Her first words. First day of kindergarten. First time she had learned to skate. Six years, Sadie. Six years of my daughter's life that I can never get back."
The tears were streaming down my face now. "I know. I'm so sorry. I…"
"I think about it constantly." He still wasn't looking at me. "Every time she tells me a story about when she was little, every time I see a picture from before I knew her, I think about what I missed. And it makes me so fucking angry."
"I don't blame you for being angry," I choked out. "I robbed you of those years. I made a choice that affected all three of us, and I didn't give you a say. Nothing I do can give you that time back. Nothing I say can make it right."
"No," he agreed, finally looking at me. His eyes were red. "It can't."
We sat in heavy silence.
"I thought I was doing the right thing," I said.
"For so long, I genuinely believed I was protecting her.
Protecting us. And maybe at first, when I was twenty-four and terrified, maybe that was partly true.
But somewhere along the way, it stopped being about protection and started being about fear.
My fear. My issues. My inability to trust anyone.
" I looked at him, needing him to understand.
"You deserved better. Casey deserved better. And I'm so, so sorry."
Easton didn't respond immediately. He just sat there, processing. When he finally spoke, his voice was raw.
"I want to forgive you. I'm trying to forgive you. But I don't know how to let go of all that anger when I look at Casey and think about everything I missed."
"Then don't," I said, my voice breaking. "Don't let it go. Be angry. Grieve what you lost. I'll take it. I deserve it. Just… don't leave. Don't walk away from Casey because you can't stand to be around me."
"Is that what you think?" He turned to face me fully now. "That I'd walk away from my daughter because I'm angry at you?"
"I don't know what to think anymore."
He reached out, taking my hand. His grip was tight, almost painful.
"I'm not leaving," he said, his voice fierce. "Not Casey. Not you. Even when I'm angry. Even when it hurts. I meant what I said yesterday, Sadie. Anger and love aren't mutually exclusive. I can grieve what I lost and still fight for what I have. I can be furious with you and still choose you."
"How?" I asked. "How can you choose someone who hurt you that much?"
"Because I love you." His voice was rough with emotion. "Because Casey needs both of us. Because the alternative would hurt all of us more. And I've spent my whole life watching my father choose anger over everything else. I won't do that. I won't be that man."
"I don't deserve this," I said, my voice breaking. "I don't deserve you giving me another chance."
"Maybe not." He pulled me closer until I was pressed against his side. "But Casey deserves to have both her parents. And you deserve to stop punishing yourself. So, we're going to figure this out. Together."
I turned into him, burying my face in his chest as the sobs finally broke free. He held me while I cried. For the years I'd stolen, for the pain I'd caused, and for the fear that had ruled my life for so long.
"I'm so sorry.”
"I know," he said, his hand stroking my hair. "And I forgive you, Sadie. Not because it's easy. Not because the anger's gone. But because holding onto it would cost me everything that matters."
We stayed like that for a long time, wrapped in each other, letting the weight of the conversation settle.
Finally, Easton pulled back enough to look at me. "Come on," he said, standing and pulling me up with him. "I want to show you something."
He drove us to a lookout point on the edge of town, a place I'd never been before. The view stretched out over Amber Falls, with the lights of the town twinkling below, the stars brilliant above.
"I used to come here," Easton said as we got out of the truck. "When I first moved here. When everything felt too big, too loud. This was the only place that felt… quiet."
He grabbed a blanket from the truck bed and spread it out on the ground. We sat together, shoulders touching, looking out at the view.
"It's beautiful," I said.
"Yeah." But when I looked over, he was looking at me. "It is."
"Easton."