Chapter 17 Jax
Chapter seventeen
Jax
Violet had me briefed on injuries to Temerity’s crew before my boots hit the deck. It was all done in a removed tone, her face impassive, even though I knew she was grieving the Lady’s loss and stricken over Oasis’s injuries.
The Lady de Gorm had joined my first crew.
We’d sailed together for some five years before Violet arrived, young and trembling in an ill-fitting dress.
I never knew who Violet had been before the Lady found her in a dockside public house, but by the time the Lady and the crew who’d gone with her—Oasis, the now retired old brawler Cerulian, and Cyan—were through with the place, the proprietors were tossed out into the street, where they soon went to the gods, and two dozen girls and young ladies were escorted onto my favored ship at the time, Elegance.
In the months that followed, we dropped them at whichever port suited them best on our itinerary.
One by one or occasionally in pairs or a trio, they left our care.
But not Bette, who became Marine, now first mate of my ship Dog.
Not Tira, who became my fourth wife, a skilled thief whose talents the pub owners had once applied for their gain, who’d been sure there was no treasure out of her reach and paid for it with her life.
And not the waifish young Colette, who became our Violet.
The Lady de Gorm had been like an elder sister to all three. There was no jealousy when Violet ascended the ranks ahead of her; de Gorm claimed someone had to watch my back. And she had, all these years she sailed with me.
Her loss was not a thing I could understand—not yet.
She was too big a presence, too fierce and pugnacious and alive to not be here.
But there was a gaping chasm already forming, deepening each time I glanced over my shoulder out of habit, seeking the brave pirate who had been at my side since the start.
The one place I could not look was at Oasis.
I could not let myself feel the gravity of her wounds, or the threat of losing her, too.
Most of these pirates were like family to me, but in Oasis’s case, that meant something else.
She was a sister to me, her parents looking after me after my mother died, until I took my first berth as a cabin boy.
So I let Sofie fuss over her while Violet hovered and barked orders for bandages and some rum to cleanse the wound, and made my way to the captain’s cabin.
The room was filled with the scent of spices. Everywhere I looked, a subtle feminine touch had been added to its furnishings, most obviously to the bedding. How had this cabin been mine just a few weeks ago, before I’d acquired Blue Moon? Now I felt as though I was intruding.
Checking my clothing for blood, I sat down on the edge of the captain’s bed—now mine again. It wasn’t unusual for me to change ships, dropping the appointed captain to first mate for however long I abided there. Today, I felt woefully out of place. Who knew Violet liked frilly pillows so much?
At least Sofie would like it here, I thought. It was more cozy than I had ever made any of my captain’s cabins. Violet had added a soaking tub, nestled into a corner where it was surrounded by our carpenter’s handiwork, keeping it in place during rough seas. I eyed the fresh woodwork warily.
After my time on Blue Moon, this once-familiar cabin now looked enormous. There was enough room to sling a hammock so Sofie wouldn’t have to sleep on the floor. Maybe after a good night’s sleep, she’d even find it in her heart to remove the curse on me so I could make use of that tub.
Who was I kidding? After the way she’d looked at me when I put the Lady out of her misery, I’d be lucky if she didn’t find a way to add a third curse.
I might as well add Sofie to the day’s losses. I was so sure she’d been warming to me. I shouldn’t have wanted that, but I did. I shouldn’t have been thinking of her at all except as a tool to remove this curse. Well. Both curses.
But gods help me, I’d wanted it. I’d wanted her.
The void in my chest ripped open after that. I allowed myself a few tears, then rose to cleanse all evidence from my face with Violet’s blue and white porcelain toilet set, the water ready and waiting in the ewer. I poured it into the matching basin, where I soon turned it red.
The knife wound from the pirate’s ball had reopened a touch. I stripped off my clothing above the waist and tried to clean it carefully, feeling like a baby as I sucked in a sharp breath.
That unfortunate moment was, of course, when Sofie walked in.
She stood staring at my half-turned back, wide-eyed. She had enough time to memorize all my tattoos before she said anything. “The captain told me to come in here.”
“I’m the captain,” I said gruffly. “Violet is now first mate.”
Sofie nodded as if this made sense to her, which I knew it didn’t. I turned back to the washbasin as she shuffled across the cabin, trying my best to pretend she wasn’t there as I hunted for a needle and thread. It was right where I’d left it, in a drawer under the toilet table.
By the time I finished up, Sofie had plopped herself onto the side of the bed, exactly where I’d been sitting.
“Did you kill Aoki?” she asked, her voice so quiet I could barely hear it over the sudden ringing in my ears.
Against my every instinct, I wanted to be honest with her.
“Did I kill the first mate hiding in a cabin while his shipmates were under fire or dying? Yes. Yes I did.”
“But did he betray you? To Blackbeard?”
At that, I flinched far more than I had over my injury. “Possibly.”
My heart beat a little harder as I turned to sit in the desk chair and found her attention on me. Her eyes met mine. I’d been so sure she’d never look at me again.
“That would mean Marigold was innocent,” she said, her voice flat.
“Possibly,” I replied. “I caught her with a spelled paper bird a few days ago, which she claimed was just for fun. It was blank inside. But I think she was sending others.”
It was as honest as I could get. We’d never really know if it was both or neither of them who were at fault.
Sofie, though—I expected her to have an opinion on it. But she said nothing.
“Your stitches,” was all she said, standing slowly and closing the distance between us.
Without saying anything further, I offered her the needle and thread and raised my arm. Sofie crouched on the outside of my knee, brow furrowing as she worked. Her elbow rested beside my leg, on the edge of the chair, the side of her hand grazing me. Her hands were like ice next to my skin.
While she worked, I held so still I might’ve been part of the furniture nailed down in the room.
“Done.”
I checked her work, only to find her hand still hovered over my side, extended flat, as if she meant to pat my side or lay her hand on the muscles there.
Then she recoiled and stood. I half wondered if I’d imagined it, an attempt at an almost tender—or at least familiar—gesture.
One she would not allow herself to complete.
I cleared my throat and reached for my shirt, forced to wear the soiled one until some of my belongings were pulled out of storage on Temerity or one of my other ships. When my head lifted, I found Sofie back on the edge of the bed, hugging herself.
Her teeth were chattering. Her entire body shook.
I was at her side in a moment, pulling her up from the bed and into my arms. As if it was the most natural thing in the world, my hand wound into her vivid red hair, cradling the back of her head as the battle shock wracked her body.
“It’s over now,” I murmured into the crown of her head, my lips brushing strands of that dwarvish red hair of hers. I whispered soothing words to her, words I did not believe myself. Nothing helped.
I held her tighter, feeling the fear coursing through her.
I don’t know how long we stood like that. I would’ve held her longer. She was still trembling when she pulled away, stalking towards the other side of the room, then pacing back towards me, small hands curled into fists as if she was furious with herself.
Ah. She was. The powerful sorceress who had saved the rest of us was berating herself for not saving all of us.
“You know how battles go,” I reminded her. “There is always chaos. Plans amount to naught.”
“I’ve never been in a battle before.”
I froze. “What?”
“I said—”
“No, I heard you. How—why—no, how? You’re a powerful sorceress!”
“Do you think anyone dares to make war with Elchion, when they have loyal sorceresses and sorcerers of Dewspell at their disposal?” She was back to being cross with me now.
It was oddly reassuring. “No one wants to unleash a chaos-wielding sorceress on a battlefield. Not even Dewspell. I never even had battle training.”
I was silent a moment. “It doesn’t seem as though you needed it.”
“But I wasn’t prepared!” Her hands gestured wildly, emptily. “I’ve never prepared a spell under so much pressure. I never learned battle triage magic—I’m a terrible healer, but I should’ve learned. I should’ve made sure I was taught, I—”
It only took moments to be at her side again. Again, I caught her up in an embrace, quelling the last of her trembling. This time, my words weren’t nonsense.
“There is nothing more you could’ve done.”
“That’s not true.”
“There is nothing more you could’ve done.”
Abruptly, she went soft in my arms, falling into my chest, her fists curled against it. Her head was bowed between them, hiding her face.
“I should’ve done more.”
“If you could have, you would have.”
She didn’t say anything after that. She didn’t need to. For once, I’d won an argument with her, and she actually acknowledged it—and it was the one argument I would’ve gladly been wrong about.
Blackbeard had gotten the best of us. My crew had paid the price. I thought everything would be better once the curse was broken and I had the Queen of the Sea. But we would be a target. Things would get exponentially worse and more dangerous for my crew.
And as I held Sofie in my arms, warming her cold body until the last of the shock passed, I knew only two things: I wanted no more deaths, and I wanted to protect her above all else.
If she would let me.
In the morning, Sofie rose and went out onto the deck without saying a word. I hurried after her, full of concern, until sudden, sharp pressure behind one of my eyes pulled me up short.
By the time I stepped onto the deck, an unnatural, whirling storm was forming in the sky to the north of us.
I gaped at Sofie, her arms stretched skyward, looking like a storm goddess with a pennant of red hair streaming behind her.
She was beautiful. Beautiful and powerful enough to stop a man’s heart.
Belatedly, I noticed Violet standing expectantly at my side. “Captain,” she prompted, clearing her throat.
“Raise the sails,” I called out.
“Raise the sails!” Violet echoed.
“Aye aye, captain!” called Temerity‘s crew.
There was no chance Blackbeard would catch us now. I left Sofie standing there, magnificently commanding her storm, and returned to my cabin to see to the megrim it brought me.
When first I’d met her, I hadn’t been sure of how she’d fare on this journey. Now I was. There was sea salt in her blood, and iron, too.
She was the perfect bride for a pirate. The question was, could I keep her alive long enough to become a worthy bridegroom?